Serving college-age people (18 to 25) is one of the biggest joys of my life. If you work with young men and women, you know the reasons for my joy, as well as the difficulties they are facing.
The reality is people in this age group are wandering in the land of in-between. We don’t just know this in theory. We don’t just read about it in books. We feel the ins and outs of this reality as we walk alongside those we love.
This is a time of transition, searching and solidifying. In our meetings and other times together, I watch them have liberating and exciting moments of clarity. Then, during future meetings, I witness their moments of confusion, frustration and difficulty.
This is because they are in a land of in-between. Some in the older generations look at them with frustration, wishing they would grow up. These elders often stand an arm’s length away, judging and dismissing college-age people.
We, on the other hand, come alongside them and gently, yet firmly, walk them toward maturity in Christ. To do this, we need to help them navigate the land of in-between.
Four Challenging Areas
I have found that college-age people are significantly in-between at least four areas in their lives; so the more specific and pointed we can be in helping them in each of these areas. the more effective our discipleship will be. In my most recent book, Worlds Apart (Zondervan), I covered many of these areas. Here’s a brief overview.
1. Themselves. They are between having an identity in/with their family structure (whatever that might have been) and who they will become as independent adults. The path of discovering who they are is in no way simple. It is very complex, and there are many factors that play into their identity formulation. This is why we pay the price of time, helping them sift through these muddy waters.
2. Convictions. They are between the convictions and assumptions of their families and their own. They are trying to figure out what they believe. This can be mistaken as a relativistic postmodern mindset (which certainly can be the case for some), but generally they are simply trying to figure out what convictions they hold personally and how those will affect the trajectories of their lives. Convictions are cultivated in, with and by relational connections, which is why we continue to walk alongside them.
3. Life Directions. They are between their childhoods where they were, by default, following the direction of their parent(s) and the life direction they will choose as individuals. The biggest issue for most is figuring out what they want out of life. Until they figure this out, they won’t head in a direction. Many don’t want to end up in the wrong direction, so they don’t head in any, which is why we continue helping them sift through their own desires, bringing balances in where appropriate.
4. Church Structures. Unfortunately, college-age people are finding themselves in between our church structures. Most church contexts minister to people through high school, then parents as and beyond, leaving college-age and singles wandering the land of in-between alone. The problem with this is that if people don’t have a sense of belonging in the church, they will lose their identity in the world. Because belonging is gained through relationships, we continue pursuing them.
Have you ever been in-between? If so, you know how difficult it can be to make a decision about which way to go. If we want help, we turn to people we know and trust. We usually aren’t looking for them to solve all our problems, but we are hoping they will help us process things. It is these types of people and conversations that help shape our thinking and inevitably lead to conclusions we can stand firm on.
Your ministry to college-age people will look vastly different from your ministry to other groups, but cultivating these types of relationships where college-age people have trusted older adults they know they can go to ought to be the one way it is exactly the same.
Churck Bomar is the founder of CollegeLeader.org and IAmPeople.org. He is author of more than a dozen resources and five books, the latest being Worlds Apart: Understanding the Mindset and Values of 18- to 25-Year-Olds (Zondervan). When he is not out of town speaking or consulting, he loves being home with Barbara, his wife of 11 years, and daughters Karis, Hope and Sayla.
