Our September/October GIRLS issue generated a handful of letters from women youth ministry leaders. Here’s an excerpt of one letter.

Dear YouthWorker Journal:

You are probably familiar with the childhood response to taunting, “Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me.” We learned early the lie of that statement, and, as many will acknowledge, the words of childhood often continue to hurt way into adulthood.

Words are powerful. Anthropologists and linguists teach us that words are the very basic symbols that teach us what is meaningful and what is valued in our society. A few days ago, I received an e-mail from YWJ highlighting some good news for youth workers; a new digital journal. I read with great interest the announcement that included a list of the upcoming articles and resources of the first issue. Perhaps because the announcement was highlighted with the word GIRLS in all caps, or because I have been studying the research on how language shapes meaning, I was struck, in particular by this one part of the announcement:

* The GIRLS theme section begins with Girls Ministry Roundtable featuring these experts: Ginny Olson, Megan Hutchinson, Christina DiMari and Crystal Kirgiss.
* Three males tackle our “Guys and Girls” articles, which explore how men can best work with girls, and how to respond when things go wrong.

Those anthropologists and linguists I mentioned above also tell us words are symbolic because they convey images of meaning about our reality; sometimes accurate images, sometimes not. It may be just me, but when I read the above announcement, the images I had were not ones that had much to do with the kind of young people I encounter in youth ministry.

For example, when I read “Girls Ministry Roundtable” I imagined a group of girls, all about 8 or 9, sitting around a huge round dining table. For “Guys and Girls” I had an image of junior high and high school students with a smattering of those 8 and 9 year-old girls. The one that created the greatest dissonance in my imagination was the phrase, “which explore how men can best work with girls, and how to respond when things go wrong” For that one, I actually had images of middle-aged men working on a construction project with those same 8 and 9 year-old girls with chaos and disaster all around them.

Obviously, I have a vivid imagination, but in all seriousness, this is an important issue for youth workers to consider. What do we call those human beings between the ages of 12-18 who occupy our youth rooms and Bible studies? More specifically, what are those male human beings and female human beings called?

Years ago, a fellow seminary student, challenged me on my use of the word “kids” to refer to youth. “Kids,” he said, “are young goats or small children, not the young people in our ministries. What you call them matters. What you call them communicates volumes to them about who they are.” He was right. So, what is appropriate in this instance? Does it truly matter whether we call them guys, boys, girls or something else?

There are two important points I’d like to articulate to frame this discussion. First, this is important not because we need to be politically correct as some might argue. It is important because the names we attach to people are reference points for how we view them. They are also more than mere reference points, but are significant instruments in shaping a person’s identity–how they see themselves.

Secondly, one of the responsibilities for youth workers is to foster a positive environment for young people to transition into adulthood. We are gifted with the responsibility to help direct students from where they are to where they can be. It may seem a small thing, but what we “name” them is one of the ways we help them envision what it means to be a mature disciple. Do the names we tag them with invite them to imagine themselves as mature, adult followers of Jesus Christ?

The same day I received the e-mail announcement from YWJ, I also had a conversation with my 11-year-old granddaughter, Cierra, about this very thing. She had been outside playing with the neighborhood kids, all of whom are female. I’m not sure what triggered the comments, but Cierra shared with me that at some point, Frannie said something about being a girl to which Cierra replied that she wasn’t a girl. Back and forth they went with Frannie finally stating, “Yes, you are. We are all girls.” Cierra then retorted emphatically, “No we’re not. I’m not a girl. I’m a young woman.” She had a vision of herself as a young woman moving on the path to becoming a woman.

In thinking about this letter, I looked at several dictionaries and their definitions for boy, girl, guys. It was an interesting study. In looking at the online Oxford Dictionary I discovered that originally the word girls referred to female and male children. Only later did the word boy  become a designation for young male children. In all of the dictionaries I surveyed, the word guys was defined as a generic term for young males and females, as well as a group of young men. In most dictionaries, boy(s) did not serve as a term for teenaged males, but only for younger males, while girl(s) sometimes was defined as referring to both young female children and any female who hadn’t reached adulthood. Interestingly though, in the Encarta Dictionary and the Oxford Dictionary, the listings defining girl(s) as any female other than a small female child, also carried with it a note that this designation often was considered offensive and patronizing.

So, what’s my conclusion? I’d like to make two declarations and one invitation.

First, what we call our students matters. We need to give consideration to how our words shape students’ understanding of themselves.

Second, until someone comes up with something better, I will continue to refer to junior high, high school and college students as young men and young women. It may seem cumbersome at times, but it is empowering and helps them visualize themselves as the maturing persons we want them to become.

The invitation: As indicated above, the meaning of words can change over time, sometimes in very interesting ways. Let’s find new designations that help young people imagine leaving childhood–boyhood and girlhood–behind and moving toward becoming adult disciples.

What do you think? Share your thoughts here.