Strobe lights, pyrotechnics, booming music, hilarious skits, entertaining videos and confident speakers. All across our nation, purity programs are traveling from one church to the next utilizing the latest and greatest technology and attention-getting techniques in a sincere effort to persuade young people to choose abstinence. Youth pastors are thrilled to discover students come out to these events in droves! In packed sanctuaries and auditoriums, teens laugh, whoop and holler during a variety of amusing activities, then applaud after an articulate, young spokesperson shares why he personally has decided to wait. At the conclusion of the evening’s assembly, students are often asked to take a pledge, vowing to abstain from sex until marriage. In such cases, masses of young people stand to their feet and repeat the pledge as prompted. “What a success!” onlooking senior pastoral staffers comment. “Well worth the money!” delighted youth pastors conclude.
With that, the two-hour assembly is over. For the many teens who vowed to abstain from sex until marriage, the following day will be day one of their commitment–day one of an approximately 10-year, 3,650-day wait. Two-hour abstinence rally; 10-year commitment to abstain. In your opinion, does that ratio seem a bit daunting?
The truth is, programs such as these go above and beyond to draw large amounts of teens, keep their attention through entertainment, then share impacting testimonies about abstinence; and for this they are to be respected and applauded. After all, they are out there working hard to counteract the youth sex crises in our churches and nation—praise the Lord! However, while their efforts are noble, we must ask the question that matters most: Is it working; are young people following through with God’s plan for sex and marriage as a result of programs such as these?
Research shows the majority of teens who make abstinence pledges are only likely to delay sexual activity, not abstain until marriage. Further findings reveal, “After five years, teens who made a promise to abstain did not differ from teens who had not taken a pledge in rates of premarital sex, oral sex or sexually transmitted diseases.”1 It appears that when it comes to effectively generating long-term abstinence commitments, assembly-driven purity pledges just don’t cut it for most teens. The good news is there are certain strategies available that have proven to yield better results. That’s right—all abstinence programs are not created equal.
If we really want to inspire young people to follow through with abstinence passionately, we must:
Equip the ultimate influencers – Mom and Dad!
Surely you’ve read this verse before: “Train up someone else’s child in the way he should go, and when he is older, he will not depart from it.” That’s obviously an inaccurate rendition of
When it comes to instilling abstinence, research indicates that parents can be the greatest influencers, which is why we cannot afford to leave Mom and Dad out of the equation. An effective abstinence program not only will provide teaching and ministry to students, but also will provide parents with the training, materials and tools they need to discuss God’s plan for sexual purity confidently with their kids.
There never will be an assembly or church service that effectively replaces the benefits of parents doing their part at home to cultivate moral character and biblical standards in their children. The key is to equip parents to be effective.
Go beyond a trite explanation of why young people should wait.
Even young people who’ve never set foot in church usually are aware the Bible forbids premarital sex. However, ask even the most spiritual of teenagers why premarital sex is considered a sin, and most likely he or she will be stumped! Case in point, the problem with many abstinence programs is they warn against premarital sex but never provide a reasonable explanation as to why. Oh sure, there’s the reality of STDs and pregnancy (very real risks that should be discussed); but is there really any valid reason to wait beyond those potential consequences?
An effective abstinence program will build a logical, solid case as to why God reserves sex for marriage, and will cause young people to see the profound wisdom and advantages in God’s plan. As a result, students are far more likely to develop unwavering convictions that stand the test of time. Unlike the “just because” crowd that has no real knowledge of why a commitment to abstinence is so important, these enlightened young people are well aware of the significant reasons and therefore, are much more successful in their quest to wait. In addition, they are motivated not just by what could go wrong if they have premarital sex but by what they have to look forward to having followed God’s plan.
Reach those young people who aren’t convinced abstinence is a legitimate decision.
Many faith-based abstinence programs and curriculum are based on the presupposition that young people are eager to embrace biblical standards and concepts surrounding purity. While this is certainly true for many students, there are a number of others who remain skeptical. An effective abstinence program not only will inspire those young people who are already committed to purity, but also will minister to those who have yet to be won over, including those who are already sexually active.
Instead of communicating in “Christianeese” (terms only seasoned “church folk” understand), it is highly beneficial to communicate in such a way that all young people can relate and understand. This does not mean biblical concepts are compromised, only that they are presented in a down-to-earth style.
Avoid premature pushes for abstinence pledges.
The Bible repeatedly warns that it is serious to make a vow to the Lord. Therefore, we do teens a great disservice when we hastily ask them to make a vow to God to abstain. Can young people really count the cost associated with such a significant commitment after spending a mere hour or two in an abstinence assembly? Just imagine the condemnation and confusion that sets in when well-intending teenagers say the pledge, only to question the validity of that decision some time later and perhaps yield to temptation.
A young person should be brought to the place of decision based on the depth of realization and information he or she has learned about God’s plan for sex over a reasonable span of time. Furthermore, an effective abstinence program will lay a solid foundation of truth before soliciting any type of pledge or vow. After all, it’s not an abstinence pledge that causes a young person to persevere; it’s the heartfelt conviction and commitment he or she develops as a result of becoming convinced it’s worth the wait.
It was the realization of these vital principles that inspired the establishment of Inspiring Abstinence, a para-church ministry committed to equipping student ministries to excel in each one of these crucial areas. We have developed outstanding materials for parents and teens that are revolutionizing the way churches and families approach the issues of sex and abstinence with teens and singles. For more information on our parent workshops, youth small-group curriculum, and parent-teen study and discussion materials, go to InspiringAbstinence.com.
1. Foxnews.com. December 29, 2008; foxnews.com/story/0,2933,473509,00.html.
