Words are important. The things we say have the ability to build up or tear down. In Proverbs 18:21, we are told, “Life and death are in the power of the tongue, and those who love it will eat its fruit.” Again in James 1:26, we read, “If anyone thinks he is religious, without controlling his tongue but deceiving his heart, his religion is useless.” As a metaphor for the words that we speak, the Bible has a lot to say about the power of the tongue; but aside from cursing, jokes and put downs, how often do we truly consider the power of the words we speak?

For example, the word broken…When we say something is broken, we mean one of two things: Either the broken object needs to be fixed, or it no longer is good for its intended purpse…a broken iPod, a broken down car, a broken computer or even a broken chair. In some cases, these things can be fixed; in others, we throw them away. However, there are some things that can’t be fixed and can’t be thrown away, yet still we call them broken. In at least one case, I think we need to change the language we use.

Through the years, I have had the privilege and challenge to minister to two specific students in my various youth groups. We’ll call one Stacey and one Brian. Stacey lived at home with both of her parents. Brian was being raised by a single mother after his father bailed before he was born. Which of these homes do we typically label “broken”? Brian’s of course, but what if I told you Stacey’s dad is a raging alcoholic who habitually comes home drunk and beats her and her mom? Brian, on the other hand, lives in a loving environment where he is encouraged to excel in life. His mom loves the Lord and even led him to Christ as a young boy. Which home is broken?

You may be saying, “Well, you don’t know the whole story”; but do we always know the whole story? From the pulpit on Sunday morning or during youth group, do we arbitrarily put labels on our students by saying anyone not living with both parents comes from a broken home? In reality, there aren’t any perfect homes. We all come from families that are to varying degrees broken.

What happens when Brian hears us say, “Anyone not living with both parents comes from a broken home,” yet we neglect to mention Stacey’s situation at all? Have we pigeon-holed Brian? Brian likely knows his situation isn’t ideal as his mom probably has to work harder to provide for him. He probably wishes he had a dad with whom he could play catch. Even worse, what have we done with Stacey? Have we inadvertently told Stacey her situation is ideal? How scary is that thought?

The fact is many of our students don’t hear us say their homes are broken; instead, they hear us say there is something wrong with them. You can’t fix a home the same way you can a car, and you can’t throw it away either. So what we’re saying to these kids is they have broken homes that can’t be fixed or discarded. Therefore, to these students, they understand us to be saying they are good for nothing and might as well be dismissed. For many of these kids, we’ve just torn down their entire lives with a single word.

Instead, let’s use words that build up rather than tear down. Let’s recognize that apart from Christ, we are all broken and in need of fixing. If you want to say single-parent homes are less than ideal, go ahead; but let’s reserve the word broken for my 5-year-old iPod.