Identity isn’t an issue during the college-age years; it is the issue. In fact, understanding the ins and outs of this process is a non-negotiable for leaders of college ministries around the world; and I don’t believe that to be an overstatement.
At the core of the 18- to 25-year-old is a complicated struggle to find self. It’s a battle of past and future, a wrestling match between imposed expectations and personal desire. No sermon or small group material will help someone through this alone. It requires older adults to understand the issues at hand, to have a decent grasp on the internal processes and pressures of college age people and personal investment during an extended period of time.
I’ve unpacked this thoroughly in two of my previous books College Ministry 101 and Worlds Apart; but in this space, I simply will summarize a few core and basic principles. As people who love, care for and disciple college-age people, here are a few things I would recommend keeping in mind when it comes to identity formation:
1. They are in-between themselves. They are between having an identity in/with their family structure (however that might play out) and who they eventually will become as independent adults. To cultivate a healthy process, as spiritual leaders, we must help them first find a true sense of spiritual identity. Understanding our identity in Christ alone is paramount to living the Christian life in all areas of life. Whatever we identify ourselves in or with will drive every aspect of our lives. This affects all relationships, whether in the home, church or workplace. If this step of identity formation is lost or not made top priority in our relationships with college-age people, we are at risk of losing a church’s traditional identity in the world.
2. They are redeveloping personal convictions. College-age people are in between everything they were taught and assumed to be true as children and the convictions that will drive their lives apart from what they grew up learning. These certainly don’t have to contradict, but everything from the past is reevaluated and is a critical aspect of forming who they will become as adults. An important thing to understand for application is that faith convictions are always cultivated in, with and by relational connections. That is to say, an intimate relationship is vital in helping someone formulate this aspect of his or her identity. We tend to tell people what they should believe versus helping them think through what they actually believe. When it comes to identity formulation, this distinction must be made in our minds.
3. They are choosing a life direction. This is a no-brainer in some respects, but what people often miss is how much choosing a life direction is driven by the two aspects above. Often parents and church leaders push college-age people to find an identity in their careers before determining who they are in Christ. When asked about what they will do vocationally, many will respond with uncertainty; they do so because they don’t know what they want yet. They can’t determine what they want if they don’t know who they are. They are fearful of heading in the wrong direction, so many simply don’t head in any direction. There is much to think through and process regarding identity before they feel comfortable choosing a life direction.
As people who are a little further along in practical embrace of our identity in Christ, we intentionally can come alongside people in this process and joyfully mull through all the complexity.
