Every year, 1.1 million teens attempt suicide, 750,000 teens are victims of violent crime, 600,000 unwed teen girls get pregnant, and 291,000 teens drop out of school.
In addition, 4.1 million teens drink alcohol at least once a month, 1.9 million teens have at least one sexually transmitted disease, 1.5 million teens participate in cutting or other self-injurious behavior, and 1.3 million teens are date raped.
These statistics (from recent reports by national organizations including the Center for Disease Control and Prevention, National Center for Health Statistics, the U.S. Department of Justice and the U.S. Census Bureau) can be alarming and discouraging.
Some youth workers may despair and wonder, “What can I possibly do about these problems?” Thankfully, Rich Van Pelt offers encouragement and practical advice for youth workers willing to serve youth in crisis.
Rich is a youth ministry veteran and author who has appeared frequently in YouthWorker Journal during the past three decades. He is director of ministry relationships for Compassion International and coauthor (with Jim Hancock) of the new The Volunteer’s Guide to Helping Teenagers in Crisis, a four-session DVD study (Zondervan, 2012). This article is based on a series of youth ministry symposiums hosted by Gordon College and Denver Seminary.
Become Safe People
Teens desperately need adults who are safe and willing to accompany them through life’s toughest stuff in an authentic manner.
Cultivate deep listening skills. Invite them to tell their stories, and then listen deeply with your ears, eyes and heart. Empathy is feeling their pain in your heart, not offering simplistic advice or recounting your experience. This is the time for their stories, not yours.
Be aware that your feelings of inadequacy or discomfort with the issue, your own agenda and busyness, feelings and prejudices about the other person, and a heard-it-all-before-attitude are serious obstacles to listening. Put those behind you and listen to the whole person with your whole person.
Realize there may be a story behind the story. Teens may offer a more trivial story to test if you’re really safe and listening, so be sure to ask questions such as, “How’s everything else going?” to allow them space to tell the deeper story. Pray as you’re listening, and be encouraged that God is with you and will provide you with everything you need to please Him (
Use humor appropriately. God created us to laugh, and humor (of the appropriate kind!) can be a wonderful gift in the midst of pain and trials. “Teens need to know adolescence is not a terminal disease,” says Rich.
Beware of inappropriate humor in personal and youth group settings, and never purposely single out or embarrass anyone by making the person the butt of a joke or game. Avoid telling or listening to ethnic, racial or gender jokes, and reprimand those who engage in such talk. Gender identity issues have become a leading contributor to suicide attempts, so be particularly mindful of that topic.
Create Safe Places
Would you be willing to pray, “Lord, send us the kids no other group in town wants?” Can your ministry be a place where broken, oppressed, misplaced, abandoned and unloved people can find acceptance and love?
Build a ministry team for maximum influence. Recruit people who are safe and can relate to all kinds of kids, not just the mainstream. Who can reach the wallflowers and fringe kids no one else wants to befriend? Be responsible to and for your volunteers, and train them how to handle difficult issues responsibly. Provide them with job descriptions and regular evaluations. (Note: Take background checks very seriously to protect your ministry and your youth from unsafe people!)
Make your youth group a safe place. Train the teens in your group to honor others and value diversity so they can be safe people who can help their friends. Do all you are able to eliminate bullying, gossip, cliques and exclusivity. Avoid competitive activities that exclude some young people, and don’t make them participate if that’s not what they want to do. Play fair and give everyone an opportunity to shine. Go to oboe concerts as often as you go to football games.
Talk About Unsafe Things
Safe places and safe people can create the best environment to talk about unsafe things.
Bring it up. Be informed of risky behaviors and invite discussion about them. “The fact that you aren’t aware that kids are struggling doesn’t meant they aren’t struggling,” says Rich. “Ignorance is not bliss.” Give teens permission to talk to you about drugs, alcohol, cutting, suicide, etc. Talking about it does not give them the idea to do it; in fact, the opposite is typically true. If they can talk about it, they can get help and help others.
Keep confidences confidential. Discuss issues publically, confront issues privately.
Be trustworthy to keep your mouth shut, and don’t share private confidences in public prayers. Beware of the Don’t-tell-anyone trap, and let your youth know that your silence depends on what they tell you. Assure them you care more about them than their secrets, and will only share what is necessary in order to keep them safe. They usually just want to be sure you’re not going to tell the world. However, be mindful of your state’s mandatory reporting laws. If someone is an imminent danger to themselves or others, you are required to report such facts.
Build Preventive Partnerships
Relationships are the frontline defense in preventing or at least slowing the course of risky behaviors. Don’t worry about doing or saying everything right. Relationships are not about words, but about presence. You can partner with various people and groups to create a safety net of relationships in teens’ lives.
Friends: Troubled teens usually tell their friends about their problems before anyone else, so empower kids to know how to respond to a friend in crisis. “Tell them when to break secrets in order to love their friends to life,” says Rich.
Parents and Family: Parents are the principle stakeholders in a child’s life, but they are often unaware of problems and how to respond to them. Youth workers must partner preventively with parents to intervene responsibly in the lives of their kids and others. Find ways to inform parents about key issues and how to respond if their child is in crisis.
Teachers: Few people have more contact with students than teachers, and although there are a few bad apples, most teachers really know and care about students’ welfare. Create an alliance with schools and teachers, preferably through existing networks rather than by inventing a new network on your own. Do local schools have crisis care programs that you or someone on your team can help with? Are there outside organizations such as Parents for Drug-Free Youth or Mothers Against Drunk Driving already serving the school? Joining their efforts will help you create key relationships.
Assess and Respond to Risk Factors
Crises don’t happen overnight. These techniques can help you be alert and aware of potential problems.
Determine the degree of risk. Look for changes in students’ personalities, academic habits, social activities and behavior. Changes in personality can reveal themselves in teens who suddenly seem irritable, argumentative, fearful, overly compliant, impulsive, fidgety, restless, hyperactive, anxious, nervous, lacking in conscience, isolated or depressed. Changes in academic and social behavior such as carelessness in completing assignments, truancy, sudden changes in friendship circles, no interest in activities previously enjoyed, and giving away their stuff to their friends and siblings can be signs of other trouble.
Of course watch for changes in physical behavior such as inappropriate sexual activity, deliberate destruction of property or animals, stealing, lying, fighting, bedwetting, suicidal talk or thoughts, self-injury, frequent diarrhea/constipation or use of laxatives, unexplained physical complaints, and experimentation with alcohol or other drugs.
Act—don’t jump. Pay attention, ask questions and investigate. It is important not to jump to conclusions or make assumptions. Thoughtfully and prayerfully consider who needs to be informed of the issues and who can offer help.
Connect to helping resources. Referring troubled students to professionals who can care for them is not a failure; it is a sign of wisdom and strength. Working with your leadership team, immediately refer students (and their families) to get professional help when you are in over your head and/or think specialized help may be warranted. You have a legal responsibility to take action if you believe someone may be a danger to themselves or others.
Refer responsibly. Be aware of helping organizations in your area so you are prepared. Who are the professionals? What services do they offer? Make a list of easily accessible crisis and suicide prevention hotlines, psychiatric hospitals and other specialized units for adolescents, addiction treatment centers and support groups, safe houses and abuse intervention organizations, professional counselors and social workers, crisis pregnancy services, and all other emergency and child serving organizations.
Be sensitive to the needs of students and families, including finances, and try to connect them to the right organization. Help them get pro bono services or find financial assistance if needed.
Provide Hope
Above all, be hopeful and remember that youth workers can make a big difference. Author and speaker Robert Veninga reminds us, “Almost without exception those who survive a tragedy give credit to one person who stood by them, supported them and gave a sense of hope.”
Don’t give in to feelings of hopelessness or inadequacy. God doesn’t call us because we are qualified. He qualifies us because we are called. We just have to be determined to be stretcher bearers and carry the young people we love to Jesus, just as the friends who tore a hole in the roof to get their paralyzed friend to Him.
