One of the better books I’ve read recently is Souls in Transition by noted sociologist Christian Smith. He is studying the age characteristics of the emerging adult. They are choosing to navigate life in a different way than the generations ahead of them. As a college president, you could guess why I am interested in the book. I want to know what influences the choices of this age group.
Contrary to popular myth, high school graduates are influenced significantly by their parents, grandparents and church leaders. Those of us in these categories may be fooled into thinking we have aged into the category of uncool, irrelevant and obsolete. Statics say otherwise. Smith finds that our wisdom and advice is needed and desired.
Smith also finds that we have backed away from our role. We have stopped coaching, mentoring and being deeply involved in the choices our youth are making. We cheer faintly from the sidelines, believing they now will make up their own minds and that our wisdom no longer matters. What are we thinking? Solid research tells us they need us at the very time we are exiting the conversation.
The same parents who give unsolicited advice on oil changes, hairstyles and sports teams are leaving the conversation when it comes to college choice. I wish I had a dollar for every parent who told me with shrugged shoulders, “Well, he’s an adult now, and we’re going to let him decide which college to attend. We hope he chooses a Christian college, but you can’t push young people or they may rebel.”
The youth leaders who want to give a neutral thumbs up on college choice feel awkward about challenging the motivations behind the choice. You may be the last line of discernment asking, “What kind of Christian do you wish to become by attending Party U?” The same students who statistically are telling us they need our wisdom are being abandoned to decide on their own.
A parent or church leader who has spent 18 years getting children to church, supervising their friendships, monitoring their schedules, caring about their ethical choices, and praying for them is now ready to say, “If you chose to attend a hedonistic, party-throwing college, that is the epitome of everything we have encouraged you not to do, a college that will mock our faith as ancient and uninformed, a college that will shape the worldview with which you will live…then we are willing to finance that experience for you because we think you are old enough to make your own choices.” What are we thinking?
My disappointment is not with the teenager who is lured to a college by the popularity of the state football team, or the friend from high school going there, or the latte machine in the dorm. My disappointment is with the people in that student’s life who have not given him or her sufficient loving wisdom to make a better choice. What are we thinking?
Come on youth leader. Team up with the parent and yield your influence. Stay in the game. College choice may change the trajectory of the life of someone you deeply love. If Smith is right, they are asking for your input.
