It’s the question no one wants to ask, but you find yourself asking it anyway: “What are you running these days?”

The answer helps you get a sense of the issues the other leader deals with, but the numbers in the answer also help you compare your youth ministry to hers.

Or when others get promoted and you don’t. Or when the youth pastor down the street gets asked to speak at the denominational convention and you don’t. Or when you go to a big youth workers’ conference and end up thinking, “Come on! This is the ‘expert’? I could do better than that.”

Comparing yourself or your ministry to others is natural. But if left unchecked, it can distract you at best and derail you at worst. So how do we follow Jesus’ call to make disciples without constantly comparing ourselves to others?

The Numbers Trap
Take note of two extremes to avoid: One is when numbers rule you — you obsess over them, and you find your self-worth as  a pastor from them. At the other end of the spectrum is the belief that numbers are irrelevant or that real ministries are small. Numbers are important insofar as they do represent people — people God created; people whom Jesus was sent to redeem. But numbers can’t become our focus.

The Jealousy Trap
It was David’s success that ultimately led to Saul’s downfall. Saul was unable to shake the fact that David was perhaps more gifted, or that God might use David to achieve greater military conquests. Saul should have been praising God that David’s skills would be used for Israel’s greater good. At least he wasn’t a Philistine, right?

It’s natural for jealousy to come, but when we encounter leaders who are more gifted than we are, or ministries that are bigger than ours, we should honor God by being thankful that the Kingdom of Heaven is expanding, and that God is equipping gifted leaders to minister.

We have enough enemies to fight as youth workers without adding other leaders and ministries to our lists. If God is using a ministry other than yours to reach students, and if that ministry’s influence is greater than yours, remember that you’re on the same team. Pray for God’s perspective to rejoice with other youth ministries’ successes instead of reacting with jealousy or insecurity.

I’ve always wondered what goes through the mind of a third-string quarterback. Does he constantly hope that the guys in front of him fail so he gets his chance? But if his ultimate goal is to help his team with a championship, then isn’t the best attitude to root for his first-string QB and put his personal goals aside?

A few years into my ministry, God sent me an incredibly gifted seminary student who served faithfully here for three years. We became (and remain) good friends, but I periodically struggled with feelings of jealousy when he was here. He was smarter than me, a better teacher than me, and way better looking than me! But that wasn’t his problem. There were times when I didn’t want people to like him more than they liked me. Thankfully I worked through my jealousy, and in the end God used me to give him an opportunity to get his feet wet in ministry and used him to reach students in a way they wouldn’t have been reached otherwise.

Jesus’ Example
I wonder if Jesus ever faced this. “How big is your following these days, Yeshua?”

Depending on which ministry year the question came, his inquirers might have been impressed — or not. Jesus preached to huge crowds and small ones. Big or little wasn’t his focus; it was being faithful to his Father and his calling.

Jesus’ comments to Peter in John 21 are illustrative. Peter asks Jesus about his plan for John, and Jesus’ response is terse. In essence he says, “My plan for his life has nothing to do with you. You must follow me.” I think Jesus says the same thing to each of us: Don’t look at others around you and compare yourself to them. That’s not the point. You must follow me.

We lose perspective when we think that ministry has something to do with us, when anything we do becomes about comparing ourselves to others. We’re human, so it’s understandable that we become glory seekers at times. We want people to notice us. We want praise and adoration. But the bottom line is that we weren’t created for those things. Our ministries were not made for us; their purpose isn’t to make us feel better about ourselves. Rather than seeking glory for ourselves, we should make it our heart’s only desire to seek God’s glory in all things. Only then will we be truly satisfied.

John the Baptist’s prayer should be ours as well: Christ must increase; I must decrease.

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A native Texan, Syler Thomas is the student ministries pastor at Christ Church Lake Forest in the northern suburbs of Chicago.