I founded the Center for Parent/Youth Understanding 20 years ago, and I have been thinking about the past and reflecting on, “What if?”
If I were doing youth ministry today with an eye toward future effectiveness, I would spend a lot of time focusing on cultural realities and their long-term results. Because we live and minister in a fallen world where things aren’t the way they’re supposed to be, I would look long and hard at my kids to figure out where their specific world is broken and needing repair.
There are two questions I would be asking of every kid—questions I wish I had asked of every kid in my ministry 20 years ago:
1) What is happening in this kid’s life that shouldn’t be happening?
2) What is not happening in this kid’s life that should be happening?
Today, more and more kids in our ministries are experiencing their parents’ divorces, the absence of fathers, being victimized by the advancing scourge of sexual abuse and more.
Armed with knowledge, I would study the statistics, dig through the research and listen to the experts in order to learn as much as I could about the short- and long-term effects of this brokenness.
Why? One reason: Because young people are destined to deal with the fallout of brokenness for the rest of their lives. If I am serious about effectively leading kids to spiritual maturity that marks their lives now and in the future, I better know what the future is going to hold for them.
One future reality resulting from current brokenness that all our kids will have to face is the need to forgive. Forgiveness is one of the most pressing youth ministry issues precipitated by the relationally broken culture of the day.
A Neglected Teaching
If I were doing youth ministry today with an eye on future effectiveness, I would enter into a passionate, never-ending study of how God’s Word speaks to the cultural realities our kids face. Knowing that one of the lasting issues of childhood brokenness is a life-long wrestling match with forgiveness, I would study what Scripture says about forgiveness, its dynamics, its difficulties, the need to give it and the need to receive it.
From cover to cover, the Bible is a book about forgiveness and reconciliation—God’s offer of forgiveness and reconciliation to us and His command that we forgive and reconcile with others. We are commanded to forgive “whatever” as the Lord has forgiven us (Colossians 3:13) and to forgive over and over and over (Matthew 18:21-22).
Forgiveness needs to be defined. In his wonderful book Free of Charge, Miroslav Volf offers great insight into the nature of forgiveness as forgiveness is defined by God in His Word. Volf says that to forgive is to name the wrongdoing, condemn it and give wrongdoers the gift of not counting the wrongdoing against them.
In addition, we must break through false notions of forgiveness by understanding what forgiveness is not. Christian mediator Ken Sande gives insight in his book The Peacemaker. Sande tells us forgiveness is not a feeling but an act of the will.
Forgiveness is not forgetting. When God says He “remembers our sins no more” (Isaiah 43:25), He is not saying He cannot remember our sins. They don’t disappear from memory. Rather, He promises not to dwell on our sins. Forgiveness is a choice not to mention, recount or think about the wrongs that have been committed against us. Forgiveness is not excusing; we don’t write off what others do with a simple, “That’s OK.” Forgiveness is needed because the wrong done was inexcusable. Forgiveness is costly, commanded and necessary.
Faith Applied to Life
If I were beginning to minister today with a focus on future effectiveness, I would devote a great deal of time to teaching, modeling and encouraging kids to apply Scripture to the cultural realities they face.
The Bible is not a book about getting saved. Yes, the Bible offers a life-giving message of salvation, including great promises for an after-life that we can anticipate with great expectation and joy; but it’s also a life-giving message of salvation that calls us to live purposefully on earth as we will in heaven. The cultural realities and resulting brokenness that exist in kids’ lives require us to teach them how to embrace forgiveness as a lifestyle.
If they don’t forgive, people who have grown up victimized by divorce, parental absence and sexual abuse ultimately sentence themselves to a life in prison. In his book No Future Without Forgiveness, Desmond Tutu writes about three U.S. soldiers who converse with each other at the Vietnam Veteran’s Wall in Washington, D.C. One asks, “Have you forgiven those who held you prisoner of war?” Another answers, “I never will forgive them.” The third then says, “Then it is certain they still have you in prison, don’t they?”
In a recent article in Christianity Today, Mark Moring tells how Rwandans are attempting to correct the flow of history by deciding to go deeper by being obedient. A picture that accompanies the article tells a powerful story.
Sitting on a bicycle seat is Marc Sahabo, a Hutu who got all wrapped up in Hutu Power during the genocide. Using a machete, this man killed 15 Tutsi people during the genocide. Sitting side-saddle on the rear of the same bike is Felicita Mukabakunda, a Tutsi woman who was a neighbor and friend of Sahabo’s before the genocide. When the genocide began, Felicita hid in the marshes. While hiding, she heard Sahabo and others discussing their plans to find her and kill her. However, before killing her, they planned to take turns raping her. She also heard Sabaho say he had killed six of her family members, including her father and uncle. After surviving the genocide, Felicita returned home to discover that 29 of her family members, including 16 of her brothers and sisters, had been killed.
Now, they are photographed sitting on a bike together…a bike they ride from town to town to tell their story. How is that possible? That story is a difficult and painful story of repentance and forgiveness. It’s a story about what it means to dig deep into the faith and be obedient to one’s calling as a follower of Christ as we reckon with the pain of our past. It’s about integrating faith into all of life and doing what is right, rather than what feels right. Mark Moring’s article makes it clear that forgiveness is a long and involved process that is in no way easy.
Time to Focus on Forgiveness
Forgiveness is a defining issue in youth ministry that we must address now because sooner or later our kids will need to dig deep into their wells to forgive. Now is the time for us to fill those wells because 20 years is sure to come. Then, we will be able to see if what we are doing today with our kids has been effective.
