David Foster Wallace was no stranger to the emotional troubles that plagued the characters that populated his stories. Author of the epic novel Infinite Jest, Wallace battled loneliness, anxiety and depression most of his life. Unfortunately, he lost that battle and took his own life in September 2008.
He left behind an unfinished novel The Pale King that tackles many of these same adversaries in its 500+ pages. In one chapter of the novel, Meredith Rand tells Shane Drinion the story during happy hour drinks of how she met her husband. Meredith had a troubled childhood and did a brief stint in the Zeller rehab to overcome her emotional problems that resulted in cutting and self-mutilation. The man who would become her husband was a night watchman at the rehab center who befriended her and helped Meredith regain her sense of self-worth so she could return to her normal life.
At one point in her story, she recounts to Drinion some of the words that helped get her back on the road to normalcy. She says: “All he’d say was that his health was a mess but that the advantage of being a physical mess was that he looked like exactly as much of a mess as he actually was, there was no way to hide it or pretend he was less of a mess than he felt like. Which was very different than people like me; he said the only way for most people to show the mess was to fall apart and get put someplace like this, like Zeller, where it was undeniably obvious to you and your family and everybody else that you were a mess, so there was at least a certain relief in being put in the nut ward…” (490).
Meredith’s husband makes an interesting observation here; one I hadn’t really considered until I read this book last summer. Those who are a physical mess have the advantage of allowing their messed-upness be out in the open for all to see. There is no shame in it. However, as with Meredith, those who are emotional messes often hide their pain so deep that no one would suspect a thing. It often takes something extreme such as intensive therapy or rehab to help them deal with their messes.
As with Meredith Rand, the teens in our youth groups carry around a lot of emotional baggage. They watch their parents get divorced. They lose loved ones to death and disease. They succumb to temptation and make poor decisions that leave them with lingering consequences. As with Meredith Rand, they have gotten really good at masking their messes. If we only knew the messed-upness our kids bury beneath those smiles…
So the question is, will we provide an environment such as Zeller, where our youth can feel safe enough to take off their masks and be real and vulnerable? Will we allow them to expose those deep, emotional wounds so they can begin to heal?
Consider Jesus’ example: Jesus welcomed with open arms those carrying around emotional messes, cleaned them up, and set them on a better path. He took time to have a real conversation with the Samaritan woman at the well. He invited himself to dinner at a tax collector’s house. He rescued a whore from a murderous mob. He hung out in a graveyard with a naked demoniac. In most of these—and other—incidents, it was the messed up ones who sought Jesus. His reputation preceded Him; people knew they could come to Him with all their pain, wounds and baggage and not be turned away.
Youth ministry can get very messy. It involves loving the unlovely and investing time and energy into the seemingly hopeless cases. It takes a willingness to get dirty and hold the hands of the broken as we gently lead them to the One who is in the business of cleaning up messes and healing deep, hidden wounds.
May we follow Christ’s example of having hearts that are open and receptive to the messes our students bring to us. May we embrace them unreservedly and let them feel safe enough to face their messes. May we have eyes to see through their facades and see the wounds and baggage they are so desperate to unload. Most importantly, may they find in us the same grace and healing Jesus offered to the hurting and broken.
