In youth ministry, we seem to be on a roller-coaster of ups and downs. I know it sounds cliché, but I’m not necessarily talking about our own personal lives so much as the lives of our youth. As youth pastors/leaders, we tend to judge a lot of our success on how well the youth are doing in their own spiritual lives. There are seasons of tremendous joy when there can be new youth joining the group; some are accepting Christ for the first time, and others are wanting to take that next step. This can be very encouraging in the life of a youth pastor/leader.
However, as we all know, it’s not always sunshine and rainbows when it comes to youth ministry. There always will be seasons of poor choices in the lives of our youth. It is especially difficult when we see this in youth who have come such a long way, so to speak, in their relationship with God. We are disappointed, discouraged, upset and perhaps even resentful. We invest so much in these youth and want so badly for them to make good choices that when a bad choice is made, it hits us like a ton of bricks, sometimes to the point we feel we’ve been personally wronged! Interestingly enough, in light of the bad choices our youth sometimes make, we are also given a choice—one that answers the question, “What do I do about this?”
Recently, one of my own youth made a bad choice. This person had been attending our youth group for more than a year, and he was making some real progress. He comes from a bit of a rough situation, but had accepted Christ and wanted to walk the narrow road. Unfortunately, the choice he made at one of our youth events was a setback, to say the least. He accepted alcohol from a young girl, who was fairly new to the group, and drank it on our church bus while on the way to a youth event. Needless to say, “The whole night was a blur” (his words).
After sending him home that night (and yes, I sent the girl who brought the alcohol home, too), I began to think about all the possible ramifications his actions could have and started to fantasize about giving him a piece of my mind the next day. He let down his friends. He let down the youth. He let down God, and I wanted him to know about it.
The next day, I took him out for lunch and was poised for an attack. I had it all mapped out and was going to rattle off all the things he shouldn’t have done. I wanted to let him know how upset and disappointed I was in him, but things don’t always work out the way we plan. Just as I was about to strike, God struck me. With all these negative things I wanted to say to him, there was one question that branded itself in my mind, “Is there nothing good that he has done?” I then began to think of the positive things for which this youth is known.
Other than this bad choice and some other minor ones along the way, he has been a model citizen, not just in the youth group, but in his school and community, as well. It was an eye-opening experience for me and allowed me to offer constructive correction rather than an emotional outburst. Although I addressed the choices he made that I felt were destructive that night, I made a point of encouraging him in what he was doing right. He was very receptive to everything I said, and seemed willing to learn from this; in the end, we were able to enjoy a tasty burger and have a good time!
This may seem pretty black-and-white, and perhaps may be limited in its complexity in comparison to many of the issues faced in youth groups today. Nevertheless, the principle remains true no matter the situation. Youth today lack many things whether it be confidence, self-esteem, family, etc. However, there is one thing they lack that seems to fall off the radar, and that’s encouragement. Many of them constantly are being told of all the wrong things they are doing and begin to believe they are failures.
For whatever reason, there seems to be an emphasis of their wrongs, and simply a head nod at they do well or right. Does this seem odd? Wouldn’t it make sense to give them recognition for their good choices, as well as confronting the bad ones? There needs to be a reversal in mentality here. My intention is not to suggest we stop correcting our youth, but rather compliment correction with a healthy dose of encouragement. I think there is good in every youth. I’m sure you’ll agree; and for all we know, we may be the only ones willing to point it out to them.
