Every day kids wake up afraid to go to school because of bullying. It’s a problem that affects millions of students. There is a lot more public awareness today than in the past, and sadly that’s because far too many teens have resorted to destructive acts from being bullied. I’m reminded of 15-year-old Kip Kinkel (1998) and the Columbine High Massacre, which happened in 1999. The sprees haven’t stopped. A study published in Child Development magazine stated that students who are bullied may be at a greater risk for developing antisocial behavior and depression. We know untreated depression is the number one cause for suicide. So, children who are bullied are at a risk for suicide, too.
To bully means to treat abusively. A person is picked on repeatedly by an individual or a group with more power and usually greater physical strength or social standing. Types of bullying include:
• Verbal—Name calling, teasing, making threats or abusive jokes.
• Social—Spreading rumors, getting people to gang up on others.
• Physical—Hitting, punching, posturing, shoving; any physical harm.
• Cyber—Internet harassment.
• Emotional—Mind games, using actions or body language to intimidate, spying.
All types of bullying are psychological or emotional. While verbal, social, physical and cyber bullying are frightening, emotional bullying can bring death to your soul, mind, will and emotions. We all need a healthy soul to function in life.
The two primary reasons people are bullied are because of their appearance and/or social status. Bullies pick on the people they think don’t fit in, because of how they look or how they act and what they believe. Christians may be bullied for being Christian because we don’t fit into this world…and we’re not supposed to fit into this world. We can expect to be ridiculed or rejected for our faith.
The bullies in a teen’s life are not always other teens. Some public school students have stated that their teachers bully them for their Christian beliefs. Apparently, once the teacher is aware of their belief, the teacher speaks to them in a “are you stupid” manner—verbal bullying. Many teachers openly state their contra-beliefs strongly to that child in the classroom and attempts to bully them to accept what they believe. This lack of respect confuses and hurts the adolescent, and makes them feel stupid for their beliefs.
One of the most painful aspects of bullying is that it is relentless and persistent.
Most people can take one or two episodes of teasing, name-calling or being shunned at the mall. However, when it goes on infinitely, bullying can put a person in a state of constant fear. Some will react in ways other than fear. Many get so angry they feel their only solution is to fight back. Others become depressed and suicidal, while others cut or self-harm. Those who are bullied about their weight may starve themselves into an eating disorder. Those bullied about their appearance may seek unnecessary plastic surgery—all in an attempt to look the part and fit in.
Bullies torment for different reasons. Most of them have had tragic pasts and experienced a trauma of some kind. I like to remember the saying, “hurt people hurt people.” Even Jesus was bullied!
When Jesus started His public ministry the people in His hometown didn’t treat Him very well. They mocked Him. On the Sabbath, He gave a lecture in the meeting place. He was a hit, impressing everyone. “We had no idea He was this good!” they said. “How did He get so wise all of a sudden, get such ability?” In the next breath, they were cutting Him down: “He’s just a carpenter—Mary’s boy. We’ve known Him since He was a kid. We know His brothers, James, Justus, Jude and Simon, and His sisters. Who does He think he is?” (
Calling Jesus “Mary’s boy” or “son of Mary” was an insult; in those days they called children by their father’s name. Because He was born to Mary, He was subjected to insults and teasing. It was common knowledge in Jesus’ hometown that he had been conceived before Mary’s wedding to Joseph—and without the help of Joseph!
No doubt He endured cruel remarks starting when He was a kid on the playground.
Have you ever been laughed at or joked about? Left out of a group? Your appearance or weight criticized? What about being shoved or pushed until you hurt? This was the way Jesus was treated.
Eight Biblical Bullying Survival Tips
The first four tips are some actions we can suggest to youth to handle the bully:
1-Ignore the bully and walk away. This is not a coward’s response. Sometimes it can be harder than losing your temper. Bullies thrive on the reaction they get. If you walk away or ignore hurtful comments or text messages, you’re telling the bully you don’t care. Sooner or later the bully probably will get bored with trying to bother you. That’s what Jesus did, “So they got up, forced Jesus out of the city, and led Him to the cliff. They intended to throw Him off of it. But Jesus walked right by them and went away” (Luke 4:29-30).
In another instance Jesus saw a commotion, with people crying and wailing loudly. “He went in and said to them, ‘Why all this commotion and wailing? The child is not dead but asleep.’ But they laughed at him” (
2-Hold your anger. Someone once said, “”Having the right to be angry doesn’t give you the right to be cruel.” Bullies need to feel they have control over you and your emotions. It’s normal to get angry at a bully, and that’s exactly the response he or she is trying to get. Jesus felt anger. We know from the Bible that Jesus always handled His anger in a way pleasing to God. Scripture says, “In the temple courts He [Jesus] found men selling cattle, sheep and doves, and others sitting at tables exchanging money. So He made a whip out of cords and drove all from the temple area…” (
The solution is to work out your anger in a different way. Think about ways to feel stronger and more confident. Exercise is one way to feel strong, and it has many other benefits. For example, I learned a martial art. Not only was it good physical exercise, but it increased my self-esteem and taught me to respect others. Hone your skills on something you like such as art, music, computers or writing. Bullies rarely attack self-confident people.
3-Don’t get physical. Some people believe bullying is a part of growing up and character building. They believe hitting back and getting revenge is the only way to tackle the problem. That’s not the case. That’s old-school thinking and not an appropriate response. Aggressive responses tend to lead to more violence and more bullying for the victims. However you choose to deal with a bully, don’t use physical force such as kicking, hitting, pushing or pulling hair. Jesus never used any kind of physical force or intimidation against anyone who bullied Him. We never can be sure what the bully will do in response. You’re more likely to be hurt and get in to trouble if you use violence.
You can stand up for yourself in other ways—either by walking away or by being assertive in your actions. Assertive is not the same as aggressive. Assertive means you set boundaries. You are firm yet self-assured. You act like Jesus.
4-Be kind to them. Have you heard that saying, “Kill them with kindness”? This may be hard, but the bully is surely not expecting this. Jesus loved His enemies and He tells us to love our enemies—even to do good to them and lend to them (
These last four tips are some ways youth can strengthen themselves against bullies:
5-Increase self-worth. It is a fact: When we believe what other people say about us, we put them in a position to determine our value and self-worth. How can we know how valuable we are? By looking at ourselves the way God does. We can only do that when we are in relationship with Him and studying His Word. Jesus said a relationship with Him is the solution because it brings rest and peace. Positive self-worth is based on knowing I am created in the image of God, that I belong to Him, and my identity—my worth—is in Jesus Christ alone. My value is not in what bullies or other people say about me.
The Message translation of
The confidence you gain when you focus solely on God and His Word will help to ignore the mean kids because you will truly believe, “I am a unique and beautiful person because I’m made in the image of God,” “I’m a good person,” “I’m somebody worth knowing,” “You’d like me if you knew me,” “I’m worth being your friend because I am valuable!”
Tianna has been ridiculed by bullies about her weight. She said, “I feel that I need to start really loving myself the way God loves me, no matter what I weigh or look like. Reading God’s Word is important so that when someone says something mean about me, it won’t matter because I will know how valuable I am and beautiful and God loves me. Even if I’m a little overweight, I shouldn’t stress.”
Bullies have very low self-worth. A person with high self-worth ignores what bullies say and do. Not only should we ignore them or kill them with kindness, but we should pray for them because most likely they are hurting in some way. There’s a good chance they have a very tough home life.
6-Take charge of your life with truth. Words have power to hurt us deeply. Often those words about us are lies, but we start to believe them. She’s fat. He’s got big ears. It’s easy to start to believe these lies, especially in this culture where appearance is highly rated. When we go along with the lies, it disables us from receiving truth.
Truth is only found in the pages of the Bible. Jesus is truth. He is the most reliable source for the truth. A wise man wrote a long time ago, “You [Jesus] are the truth which does not deceive and cannot be deceived. Every man, on the other hand, is a liar, weak, unstable and likely to err, especially in words, so that one ought not to be too quick to believe even that which seems, on the face of it, to sound true.”
We must ask ourselves who we are going to believe—a select group of people who are spewing things that aren’t true; or God, who is truth. Jesus said if we follow Him, we will know the truth and the truth will set us free (
The first truth every teen needs to grasp is he or she is a child of the God Almighty—made in His image, which makes him or her a VIP. We must pursue Jesus, coming to know Him more intimately, then start to follow His will. Then His truth begins to infuse our minds and hearts…then we are set free from worrying about what other people think about us. Truth gives you the ability to take charge of your life.
We want bullies to see Jesus in us for two reasons: 1) they most likely will ignore us; and 2) more importantly, we want them to say, “I want what you have!” This gives us the opportunity to talk about Jesus. Bullies must realize there is unconditional love for them out there, too. They don’t have to put others down to be special to God or anyone else. Let us not forget, the bully, too, is made in the image of God!
7-Talk about it. Talking about a hurtful incident is necessary for our emotional health. We need to talk about the fears and frustrations that come with being bullied. I know from counseling adult women that if we stuff those feelings, they most surely will surface later in a negative way. Ask God to help your family become closer so you can express your feelings more. If you can’t with family, talk to a guidance counselor, a youth pastor or leader, a teacher—anyone who can give you the support you need.
This might be hard for kids who have felt they have been let down a lot so we encourage them to step out in faith. We encourage them to find one or two real friends who will let them talk about how the gossip, for example, has hurt their feelings. Hearing a friend say, “I know the rumor is not true, and I didn’t pay attention to it,” can help you see that most of the time people see gossip for what it is—petty, rude and immature.
8-Talk to God. Pray. God can give us wisdom about what to do and say. He can give us peace when others are mean. We need to remember Jesus has been through what we face today. Two verses to memorize are, Jesus said, “In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world” (
Small Group Questions:
• Have you ever been laughed at? Left out of a group? Been criticized about your appearance or weight? What about being shoved or pushed until you hurt? How did that make you feel?
• Have you ever bullied anyone else? If yes, how? How do you think that made them feel?
• What one new thing will you begin to do to build your self-confidence?
• What one new thing will you begin to do to build your self-worth?
• Group leader personalizes and makes up some bullying scenarios, and then asks, “If this happens to you what will you do?
Kimberly volunteers in student ministries and youth education outreach. She is the author of four books, including Torn Between Two Masters: Encouraging Teens to Live Authentically in a Celebrity-Obsessed World.
