The more the family is together, the higher the motivation is to stay involved. Where do we see this philosophy lived out today? Think about the families you know. Which ones have whole families involvement in an activity or hobby? I’m sure you know soccer families, camping families, boating families or…you get the idea.
I enjoy running, and one family has caught my attention at several of the local 5K races in which I’ve participated. The mother, father and four kids between 7- and 12-years-old old all run. I don’t know them personally, but it’s pretty easy to see this family’s identity is tied closely to the activity they participate in together.
It’s not usually that way at church. Even when several family members are active in ministry, they’re usually involved in different ministries. Let me propose something better: families involved together in ministry.
There are many benefits to this approach to serving God as families.
Getting Families Involved Together Increases Commitment
My ministry, Awana, enjoys a high level of loyalty on the part of many families—because the whole family gets involved. Mothers and fathers are leaders, often in groups with or near their own children. Generally, they can be counted on to stay put as a family unit. I believe their connection together in ministry is a strong element in keeping them faithful.
Many moms, dads, grandpas and grandmas serve in the children’s department while their kids are young; in fact, parents tend to follow their children through the programs, volunteering where their kids are. I have to confess I have been frustrated in the past because so many parents moved on in this way. I thought, “Do they only care about their own children? Can’t they have enough heart for the others to stay and work even when their kids aren’t in the group?” As I’ve grown older (and wiser), I understand more that such a model is good, except it generally tails off in middle school. Here’s what I’ve observed about volunteers at different levels:
Moms’ Involvement vs. Dads’ Involvement
Nursery Some moms prefer to let others work with their babies; they’re just too tired. Dads stay away in droves: “What—change the diapers of a kid that’s not my own?”
Pre-school Moms really like to volunteer; many are highly involved. On occasion, dads help, but only a small minority; it’s primarily a women’s world.
Early Elementary The “teacher” moms stay involved; volunteerism is still high. Dads feel a little more comfortable, so male involvement increases a little.
Middle Elementary Same as Early Elementary This is many dads’ sweet spot; if you’re going to recruit dads, this is the easiest group.
Middle School Group dynamics change, and program structure changes. Both of these factors mean that many parents stop volunteering in their kids’ groups. Child-to-volunteer ratios increase so fewer parents are needed (or wanted).
Senior High More program structure changes; the most-sought-after youth workers are young adults, not parents. Most parents feel unwanted and further estranged from the activities of their teenagers.
The sad fact is that in most churches, there is no easy way for parents to stay involved with their children—whether helping with programs in which their kids participate or serving together with their children in family-friendly ministry opportunities.
A few—but it is too many—youth pastors simply don’t want parents as leaders: They say it is disruptive and the kids won’t open up if their parents are in the room. While these youth leaders’ concerns may be valid in a lot of cases, there are other solutions. There also are few opportunities for parents and their teenage children to serve together. It’s true that creating these opportunities takes work: Church leaders must coordinate their program planning efforts, adjust normal patterns of recruitment, and maybe even change their philosophies. I maintain that it is well worth the effort to encourage families to minister together.
As an author and frequent conference speaker, it is quite difficult for me to volunteer regularly in my own church. However, I stay committed to serving God in it, and in Awana clubs in particular, because that is the ministry organization to which God has called me.
Being there regularly is a challenge with my travel schedule, but the last few years I’ve made it a high priority; in fact, I rarely missed a meeting, and neither did Diane. I made sure that even when there were big opportunities my travel fit around my volunteer ministry, Awana.
Why? Our grandchildren were in the ministry with us. Then our oldest grandson, Tyler, when he turned 13, became a junior leader with us. I didn’t want to miss because I didn’t want him to miss. Do you see? My commitment to be there regularly deepened because my grandkids and wife were in the same ministry with me.
The obvious truth is this: You are going to be much more invested—and therefore less likely to quit—when you are serving next to a family member. Think about it: If you have committed to a ministry along with your spouse—or with your son, daughter or another family member—you naturally will be hesitant to walk away from your team and the work you’re doing together.
Getting Families Involved Together Increases Spiritual Conversation at Home
Families—especially dads and kids—talk about what they have in common. If what they have in common is soccer, that’s what they will talk about. If it’s hiking, vacations, hobbies, their favorite sports team—whatever—it gives them a basis for conversation.
Many dads have confessed to me that leading their families spiritually is hard for them. I believe one reason is that the spiritual lives in most Christian families today are compartmentalized. What are they going to talk about? In a typical church, family members of different ages don’t attend the same classes; kids aren’t with their parents in the worship service; and often youth and adult fellowship times are separate.
Being a guy, I know how this is especially helpful for dads to understand. You ladies are pretty good at heart-to-heart talks, but we guys generally need an activity to build conversation around. So when families serve God together in a ministry, dads have a foundation—common ground—for talking with their kids about spiritual matters. Now, obviously we parents can’t stay completely involved in everything our kids do, or they never will grow up, but that doesn’t mean we can’t find certain meaningful activities to do (and talk about) together.
Jason was a young dad who had grown up in a pagan family and found Christ as a teenager. As a result, he didn’t have any personal experience with how godly parents (especially dads) functioned. He confessed to me, “I really don’t know how to talk to my kids about spiritual things.” I encouraged him to tell his young kids what God was teaching him. “I have been,” he answered, “but I feel like it’s not very natural.”
I asked him, “So what do you talk about with your kids?”
“My son is 7, and he’s already a Cubs fanatic, so we talk about the players a lot. I play video games, so we talk about them. And soccer—he started playing that this year, so we talk about it.”
I interpreted his response: “In other words, you talk about the activities that you have in common.”
“Yeah, I guess,” he answered.
“So what spiritual activities do you share with him?”
“None, I guess,” Jason squirmed a little, “but I make sure he’s in Sunday School and church.”
“Let me suggest what will help you the most at home: Get involved in a ministry that your son is involved in, and then you will have something in common to talk about.”
Jason took my advice and began working as a club leader in his son’s group. He later shared with me how much he was enjoying it. “What has it done to your conversations at home?” I asked, remembering our earlier discussion.
He paused for a few seconds and then brightened. “I remember what you said about sharing activities together, and you know—wow—it has changed the way we talk together. We talk as much about the club now as we do about the Cubs! We have a way to go, though, before our spiritual conversations pass up our conversations about video games.” We both laughed, but I felt really good that Jason had gotten it—joint involvement provides a basis for conversations at home.
Whether it is serving in your child’s ministry, or serving alongside your spouse or older kids, you will find that being involved together will have a positive, dramatic effect on your home conversations.
How to Get Families to Be Involved Together
Let’s get down to nuts and bolts. Now that you’re convinced (I trust!) of the value of families ministering together, how do you go about implementing this principle in your own church or organization? As with any significant change in the way things are done, this will be a process; and there may be some bumps in the road as you go. The following steps will help you lead your workers (and potential workers) into this new way of thinking about and doing ministry.
Begin by Casting the Vision
If you talk regularly about the importance of family involvement in ministry, in time you will see results. Remember that few people are early adapters, and most will need to hear the idea repeatedly before they begin to catch on.
Some parents who already serve in the ministry where their children are will need to have their vision adjusted. Which ones? The parents who are there primarily for their own kids. Help them see that youth and children’s ministry are not places for them to train their own kids spiritually (they can do that at home), but rather a time for their children to observe them ministering. This adjustment of vision will have a very positive effect on the child and on the ministry.
Evaluate Your Ministries
Before you start making changes, you’ll want to take a good look at what you’ve already got. Here are some questions you may find helpful as you assess your current situation:
1. 1. Does your church activity calendar allow for family participation? If a dad in your church and his teenage daughter wanted to serve in a ministry that his 6-year-old son participated in, could it happen?
2. If you had a family that wanted to worship together in your church (meaning all the kids stayed in the worship service with their parents), could they do it? How would others perceive that?
3. If you had a family that wanted to learn (e.g., attend a Sunday School or Bible study) together in your church, could they do it? How would that be perceived?
4. If you had a family that wanted to participate in fellowship together, could they do it? How would others perceive that?
5. What ministry opportunities are there where a 9- to 12-year-old could serve along with his or her parents?
6. Are all of your youth group service activities planned for youth-only ministry, or are there opportunities for teenagers to serve in leadership with their parents or in programs with their younger siblings?
7. When you look at the grade-specific programs of your church, what patterns do you see in parental involvement?
8. What attitudes in children’s and youth ministry workers do you detect about families serving or being together? What about in the parents themselves?
Create Opportunities
So many times, families aren’t involved together simply because we don’t create the opportunities. Here are a few types of ministry that can be conducive to family participation:
1. Evening VBS is something many churches are trying because it more easily fits into the schedules of family members of all ages.
2. Club ministries or sports outreach ministries usually have a variety of positions that can be filled by various members of a family.
3. Church-initiated neighborhood ministries, in which church families find a way to serve neighbors are something more congregations are finding to be successful.
4. Family mission trips—unheard of 30 years ago—are a very real possibility now. Want to make a significant impact on your kids? A trip to visit missionary friends or a ministry you support will deeply influence their worldview and create a life-long memory for your whole family.
Begin Recruiting Family Members of Existing Workers
You likely already have a group of people committed to assisting you with your ministry. Encouraging those volunteers to involve their family members in the work is a great place to start nurturing family ministry. Taking the following steps will help you handle this process smoothly:
1. Have a “Spouse Day” and invite the spouses of your workers to come and see what goes on, or make it a “Family Day” and invite older children to watch their parents serve.
2. Make a list of your workers whose spouses or other family members potentially could get involved with them.
3. Talk to the workers on your list and personally share your idea with them. You absolutely want your current volunteers’ approval before you approach his or her family member(s).
4. Include your worker in the conversation when you talk to his or her family member(s).
