YouthWorker Journal is pleased to welcome Jim Burns back to our pages. Many of you already know about Jim and his decades of work with youth ministry, churches, and families. For the rest of you, here’s a crash course.
Dr. Jim (he has a Ph.D. in religious education from England’s Greenwich School of Theology) is a prolific creator of award-winning books and materials. He has authored books for parents (The 10 Building Blocks for a Happy Family, Parenting Teenagers for Positive Results, Drugproof Your Kids with Steve Arterburn), books for young people (Addicted to God, Surviving Adolescence), books for youth workers (Partnering with Parents in Youth Ministry, The Youth Builder, The Fresh Ideas Resource Series, “The YouthBuilders Group Bible Study Series”) and videos (Parenting Teens Positively). In his spare time, he hosts the daily “HomeWord with Jim Burns” radio program, which airs on 800-plus stations for 2 million-plus listeners and is also available as podcasts.
Jim founded HomeWord (formerly YouthBuilders) in 1985. The organization seeks to advance the work of God in the world by educating, equipping and encouraging parents and churches to build God-honoring families from generation to generation.There is no clear consensus on how youth workers should partner with parents, but Jim has been forging such partnerships for decades; and we hope he helps you develop creative strategies for bridging the chasms that often develop between families and faith communities…
My wife, Cathy, and I both came from what we call “classic dysfunctional” families. Our parents and grandparents were not horrible people, just a bit broken down. I felt like that wasn’t so bad when Ruth Graham, a daughter of Billy Graham, said on my radio show recently that her family members also described themselves as dysfunctional!
One day Cathy and my oldest daughter, Christy, were arguing. I can’t remember now what it was about. Christy, then 17, was pounding on Cathy verbally. Frankly, some of what she was saying was true. When she escalated the discussion to a place where I needed to step in, I sent her to her room. She turned on me, gave me a piece of her mind, and then rushed to her room, slamming the door behind her.
When things calmed down, I went to Christy’s room. I could see she was still mad. I looked her in the eyes.
“Christy,” I said, “you know your mom comes from a classic dysfunctional family. The Bible says that people inherit the sins of previous generations back three and four generations. Your mom and I have definitely inherited some of those sin weaknesses. However, I have never met someone who has grown in her faith as much as your mom.”
I stuck out my left hand. “Your mom started here and has moved to here.” I stretched out my right hand. “She is the transitional generation — so that you can start somewhere in the middle and move far beyond your mom and dad. As the transitional generation, she is taking the hit from the past so you can thrive. She deserves your grace and your honor because of her courage.”
Tears formed in Christy’s eyes. Somehow we had connected. She understood that there is a worthwhile sacrifice and incredible hope in being a transitional-generation parent.
Family-Based Youth Ministry
You may be a transitional-generation person yourself. Perhaps a majority of the parents of students in your youth group would describe themselves this way. A growing number of parents are telling me that they truly want to pass on a legacy of faith to their children but that they had no role models growing up and they need help.
Is it possible that God is raising up a new generation of youth workers who will catch the vision that they can speak not just into the lives of their students but to their students’ families, as well? I believe there is a stirring paradigm shift in the youth ministry world toward partnering with parents. Some call this philosophy “family-based youth ministry.” I don’t see it as much as a program as I do a mindset in youth ministry. Long after the students in your group have left you, they will be connected to their parents (for better or for worse!).
Information, Hope, Inspiration
Practically speaking, youth workers can reach into the lives of transitionalgeneration parents who are attempting to make differences in some very simple ways. Let me describe a few.
Provide Information: In this everchanging culture, parents need information that you can provide for them. You understand the youth culture, and they need to become students of the culture. Parents are desperate for information and education. I know that firsthand as a parent of teens. And you can help them address this need.
Provide Hope: Parenting teens isn’t easy. Sometimes parents just need you to offer them some hope and perspective. During a particularly rough season with one of my daughters, our youth worker pulled Cathy and me aside at church and mentioned something our daughter had done at a youth group meeting that reminded us what an incredible person she was. In the midst of hormones and drama, we needed a positive outside opinion.
A quick note: Conversation at church or a phone call giving hope to a parent goes miles to help the family. We aren’t talking about a major change of job description — we are talking about a cup of cold water to a very thirsty group of parents.
Provide Inspiration: Many transitional parents don’t know how to pass on a spiritual legacy to their kids. The desire is strong, but the modeling from the previous generation just isn’t there. Recently, I asked a group of parents how many of them had any significant spiritual times together as a family growing up. Four people out of about 400 raised their hands. I then asked how many would like churches or groups like ours to provide quick and meaningful family devotions and experiences. Everyone raised their hands.
As a youth leader, you know how to talk with teenagers. You have resource materials that parents of your students would use if you showed them how to use them. Here’s a suggestion: Begin passing out quick family devotions and family discussion starters on the spiritual lessons you are teaching the students.
Remember, long after your students have moved on from you as their youth worker, their parents will be influencing and impacting their lives. Your most powerful influence in ministry may be the impact you have on helping families succeed.
And remember that it is more about mindset than a new program. Today, transitional-generation parents in your church are eager for anything you can provide for them to pass on a legacy of faith to their kids and to the generations to come.
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Jim Burns, president of HomeWord (homeword.com) is an award-winning author of books for youth workers, parents and teens. He is also the host of the “HomeWord with Jim Burns” radio program.
