The very idea of partnering with parents in youth ministry sounds daunting to some of us. For others, it conjures up images of past experiences when parents asked us way too many questions about an activity, did everything they could to destroy a fun idea we had or just plain did not want to participate in the work we were trying to do with their kids. With everything that youth workers are doing in efforts to build relationships with youth, partnering with parents easily can be put on the back burner.
Others of us have seen the benefits of working with parents. We have seen how having coffee with them has led them to trust in us. We’ve seen how their offers to bring free food to youth group have helped our budgets and made the youth happier. We’ve even seen some parents become incredible youth leaders; and we’ve sat in awe, wondering how they always know what to do when a youth needs their help.
The fact is, we need parents; and their kids need them.
As youth workers, we have to see that encouraging the deepening of familial relationships as a central part of the ministry we do. The difficulty of this work has to be embraced, because research repeatedly has affirmed that parents are the most influential people in the lives of our youth. This means we must partner together and join our voices as we talk to teens about theology, sexuality, recreation, self-worth, spiritual disciplines and more.
Parents need to know what we are teaching their young people, and we need to know what they are saying to their children. A few years ago, I decided I needed to be doing more to partner with parents. Most of the students in the youth group I directed did not have parents who went to our church. I came up with an idea that would help me introduce youth leaders to parents, connect families, cast the vision for youth ministry for that year to parents and get parents to participate in our youth ministry.
I called it the Family Banquet. Here’s how it worked:
Planning and Execution
Each year in October–close to the beginning of the school year, so our youth ministry team could cast the vision for the “new year” in youth ministry–we sent fliers to the homes of youth and e-mailed the flier directly to parents.
The flier one year stated: “COME. EAT GOOD FOOD WITH US. LAUGH WITH US. BRING YOUR WHOLE FAMILY. MEET THE PEOPLE WHO HANG OUT WITH YOUR KIDS ON SUNDAY NIGHTS. (We’re actually pretty cool.)”
The Family Banquet always had a theme, such as “Hoedown,” “Superheroes” and “Back to the 50’s.” The youth leaders and youth committee always dressed up, and we encouraged youth and families to do the same. Each year, more and more people participated. I used a portion of my youth budget to host it so the event would be free for the attendees. However, I put a bowl on the banquet table for donations if anyone felt so inclined.
The tables were large enough so two or three families could sit together and parents could connect with other parents.
Youth leaders walked around the room introducing themselves and talking to parents before dinner, and a slideshow featured pictures of youth at various events in the months prior to the banquet.
Other church members cooked the dinner so youth leaders were free to talk with families. I even found a chef in our congregation who created the menu and led a team of cooks each year! It was a great way for him to use his gifts.
Several things happened during dinner. First, we asked parents and youth to talk together as they ate. We placed sheets on the table with three sets of questions for the parents and youth. For example, we asked parents and youth to tell each other one thing they loved about the other. Another question was, “If you could travel anywhere in the world tonight, where would you go?”
After giving them time to answer the questions, we asked parents to fill out cards we had placed in baskets on the table. On the cards, we asked for their contact information and let them know we would be sending a newsletter each month about what was going on in youth ministry.
Additionally, we provided them with cards that listed every upcoming event for the months following the banquet. We not only gave parents a heads up about the event, but also invited them to participate in small but integral ways. The youth team stressed how important it was for parents to partner with us. We told them we wanted to know them and invited them to ask us to meet for coffee or even have dinner with us.
As dessert was being served, the youth leaders answered questions about themselves, such as their specific role in youth minstry, how long they had been serving and why they loved working with students. Finally, the middle school minister and I introduced ourselves to the group and cast the visions for middle- and high-school youth ministries for the coming year. These visions were the result of a team decision with the other youth leaders and the youth committee. We also talked about upcoming events and trips and generated excitement about the various forthcoming Sunday night series and shared our hopes for the growth and discipleship of the youth in our care.
A Worthwhile Investment
It was always a fun event that brought people together, made them laugh, got families around a dinner table and helped parents feel more comfortable about sending their youth to hang out with us. It was one of those events that everyone looked forward to and was a sort of launch pad for deeper relationships with parents and more involvement on their part.
There were still times that certain parents asked too many questions or seemingly tried to take the fun out of my job. However, there were times when parents welcomed me into their homes for amazing meals and conversations, as well as times when they supported our youth team in ways we really needed. The family banquet was definitely worth the time and energy we invested.
