My family and I went out to dinner this weekend. This included myself, our 15-year old son, 5-year-old daughter, 3-year-old daughter and 2-year-old son. Shortly after we arrived at the table, another family, with a 15-year-old daughter, were seated right next to us.
I watched as their teenage daughter took out her headphones, plugged them into her phone, and proceeded to listen to music privately throughout the entire family dinner.
We finished our dinner, headed home, and I watched as our teenage son pulled out the laptop, sat down, and begin to browse indie-artist YouTube videos, read about the day’s sports happenings, and research best movie plot twists. This occupied a good chunk of his evening.
7 Hours and 38 Minutes
In fact, a 2010 study by the Kaiser Family Foundation of more than 2,000 students found that the average youth spends 7 hours and 38 minutes in front of a screen. Because many of those hours are spent multi-tasking, the amount of media consumed rises to a staggering 10 hours and 45 minutes each day. Keep in mind this survey is now more than four years old. Think about the increase in data speeds alone during that four-year span.
Now this is where most parents and youth leaders begin their rant about youth today being out of control, aimless and addicted. We complain, and then we get it out of our systems, until we get annoyed again and begin our cycle of lecturing all over again. I’d like to propose a different thought however.
The Answer to Addiction Is Conversation
“Now Moses used to take a tent and pitch it outside the camp some distance away, calling it the ‘tent of meeting.’…The Lord would speak to Moses face to face, as one speaks to a friend”(Ex. 33:7, 11).
Did you know the average parent spends only three and one-half minutes a day in meaningful conversation with their children, and 66 percent of families eat dinner with the TV on? Meaningful conversation leading to healthy relationship is one of the biggest contributors to success in life, but unfortunately it often takes a backseat to the busyness of life.
This passage from Exodus paints a beautiful picture of the importance of conversation. (Actually, the entire chapter is quite moving.) Here’s a God, who has every right to speak in lectures, to be upset about addictions, but who chooses to make time and space for a face-to-face conversation, as a friend.
Powerful.
Our Son’s First iPhone Experience
About a year ago, our son got his first iPhone. A week later, he downloaded the Instagram app, never having used it before. He loves to draw, and thought, “What if I posted a drawing a day on Instagram? I bet my friends would like to see that.” So he began posting his drawings (the same ones featured with this post), and all of a sudden people started finding them, liking them and following him. Less than two weeks later, he had 400 followers.
What happened here was an online conversation. There were 400 people ready and willing to have meaningful conversation, drawing him closer to his phone. I wanted to be a part of this conversation, as well, so I wrote an article about his skills and how a company should hire him. I posted that article on LinkedIn. This opened a dialogue between us about what he wanted to do with his future, a career and just generally the role art will play in his life.
As Youth Leaders and Parents, Where Do We Start?
Instead of starting with a lecture, start with a conversation. In our work with churches, we encourage them to use smartphones as a vehicle to begin the conversation. Apps such as ours at Pushpay allow teens to set up reoccurring payments to their churches or a charitable organizations. We suggest starting with $1 a week. Each gift triggers an email, reminding them of their donation. It sounds small, but remember: It’s not about the amount. It’s about the habit. On top of that, you now have a conversation topic. “Why is this important to you?” “What impact is your money having?” “Here’s how I’m choosing to give my money, how does this compare with your choices?”
This dedication to conversation will lead to good things over time. Imagine a new addiction that goes something like this: In response to hard times or moments of celebration, your teen’s default reaction is to seek you out, using his or her smartphone as a tool to make conversation happen.
Powerful.
P.S. Mention this article and we’ll make sure to throw in a free Apple TV when you sign up.
