I love catching ordinary people doing extraordinary things.
This past Saturday, I had a meeting at Eli’s Kitchen and overheard a dad enjoying breakfast with his sons. The boys were between kindergarten and seventh grade, and the father had a newspaper open to which he kept referring.
“And the Giants…are THREE and ONE. And the Bears…are THREE and ONE. And the Browns…are ONE and THREE.”
With every enunciation, he’d look at the boys to see if anything had peaked their interest. Occasionally one responded, “I like that team,” or, “Where are they from again?” Sometimes the dad began a lively interaction by asking, “So which team do you think is going to go farther?”
Later the conversation shifted, and I overheard intentional conversation about school, friends and family. Throughout it all, the oldest son seemed just as engaged as the youngest.
Maybe none of this stands out to you, but that day I was reminded of the many parents who aren’t doing such things. Perhaps they’ve reasoned they don’t have anything in common with their kids or there’s “simply no time for any of this.” Subliminally packaged into such conclusions is an expectation for kids to fend for themselves or tell us when they need parenting.
In contrast, the Bible wisely reminds us, “Children shouldn’t have to look out for their parents; parents look out for the children” (
• Go one-on-one: They may resist, but you must insist. Have a weekly non-negotiable, personal hang-out time for conversation and activity. It can be scheduled or spontaneous, but agree it’s going to happen consistently. During this awkward phase of life, teens and tweens need to know, “You are worth my time, even if I don’t understand you.” Bring topics to discuss, or when all else fails read the newspaper together and talk about the headlines.
• Learn how to ask better questions: Kids have many ideas about life but are seldom given the chance to express them. Instead of shutting them down to listen to you, dig deep to ask questions that help them explore their sense of controversial issues or what’s inside of them. For example, “Tell me more about why you feel that way” versus “When you get older you’ll realize that doesn’t matter” can help them take better stock of feelings and articulate insights they didn’t even know they had.
• Dare to do something big together: We all have schedules that can choke the life out of life, so agree to do something fresh and daring together that requires some sacrificial time, effort and resources. Whether you cook a meal from scratch, play paintball, camp rustic style, ride horses or jump out of a plane, you’ll have created a “Remember when…” memory along the way.
• Crack up to crack the ice: A cheerful heart is good medicine to dried-up relationships, so utilize the stand-up routines of clean comedians (i.e., the “Bananas” video series) to laugh together. You also cna initiate a joke night when everyone comes to dinner with fun jokes to share that others are required to laugh at in loud, exaggerated ways.
• Savor, savor, savor: Remember your favorite experiences together by putting photos on the fridge or making them your computer’s screensaver. Kids and adults can grow to resent each other when life gets tough, and this is one way we remember there’s more to the story than the chapter in which we find ourselves. Likewise, it helps us appreciate what we’ve been blessed with through the years.
On Saturday as that dad began to leave with his boys, I had a nudge from God to politely stop him. I said, “Excuse me, we don’t know each other, but I couldn’t help overhear the investment you made over there into your kids. You strike me as a great dad, and I felt nudged to encourage you to keep up the good work.” He instantly smiled and lit up with encouragement, as did the son closest to him.
I wonder…what if this became common again? Can you imagine how different the next generation would be as adults?
Until then, see you next week…if not around town.
Fully-Alive Living offers weekly insights to serve you in taking another step forward in matters of the heart, soul, mind, body and relationships. With more than 20 years of experience and advanced education in working with people of all ages, Tony Myles and his family live in Medina where he serves as the Lead Pastor of Connection Church.
Personal blog: DontCallMeVeronica.Blogspot.com
Leadership blog: TonyMyles.Blogspot.com
