No one loves or even likes everything you do. I can’t think of any setting that I have been in where there hasn’t been some form of doubt, skepticism, criticism and disapproval. There is always someone (or a group of people) who plays the part of the contrarian—the person who brings the nonconformist perspective and rejects the majority opinion.

Early on in my ministry years, I took all the criticism personally. If there was a criticism around anything I was doing—whether it was my teaching style, my organizational skills, my eye for the way a brochure was designed, etc.—I took it to heart; I always perceived it as an attack on me. It wasn’t until later in my ministry that I realized that ongoing assessment and evaluation was not only good for me but it was good for the overall practice of the ministry. I learned several common and painless practices that have really helped change the way I behave when dealing with disapproval and criticism.

Ask Specific Questions that Clarify the Critique
If you receive criticism similar t “I think you could do a better job informing us parents about the events that are coming up,” respond by asking a question or two like, “Can you give me an example of an event you felt you needed more information about?” or “What would be a more helpful way for you to learn about our upcoming activities and events?”

Be Still and Quiet, and Simply Listen
Often we can become defensive quickly. We work hard to do the things we do. We sacrifice much, and we often receive very little. We own our efforts; and that makes us want to defend, protect or explain them. Most of the time, the best thing to do is just listen to the criticism. Listen to it well. Look the critic in the eye or read the e-mail in a calm pace, making sure to pause and reflect on what is being said.

Be Proactive
Instead of waiting for the criticism to come, seek it. Invite it to use for assessment and evaluation. Establish a group of people around you who will give you honest feedback, input and criticism. Seek the feedback and criticism early in all phases or stages of planning. Waiting until a new initiative is ready to launch is not a good time to say, “So, what do you all think?” Rather, make an effort to hear the criticism all through the brainstorming, development, early implementation and execution of a project.

Set objectives. It is imperative that there be a common set of objectives drafted and articulated from the very inception of a new program. If not, then lies the possibility that each person associated with the work might carry his or her own ideas, opinions and preferences as it relates to the execution of the program and, therefore, have a good reason to disapprove of the way the program is being carried out.

Categorize the Criticism
Because I am “in process,” I don’t always practice the simple remedies above. Often, I find myself going into defense mode too quickly, or wishing I had listened better, or that I had been more proactive or asked my team of critics for their feedback earlier in the process. Sometimes I neglect those simple steps and need a way to sort out my feelings, get back on track, focus more on my work and avoid a future fiasco.

I have found four angles of common criticism—criticism that I repeatedly receive, be it from the staff I lead or those who read my books but don’t know me, comes from four common angles of thought. They are questioning, grasping, wounding and trusting.

Questioning: These folks are stimulated by the thinking, speaking and writing of others. In their skepticism, they find creative ways to make the most of what they hear, read, see, etc., which allows them to take the ideas of others and contextualize them in meaningful ways. Generally, “questioners” offer their criticism with warmth and cheer, without looking for ways to bash but to engage and help.

Grasping: These folks are typically the intellectuals of the bunch. They critique in the classical sense of the word. They analyze, examine and test, assessing what they hear or read for no other reason than to wrestle with it. “Graspers” criticize for the sake of discussion, to further thinking and authenticity. Before they “buy in” to something, they have to wrestle it to the ground to be sure it is legitimate. In most cases, “graspers” aren’t trying to attack or aggressively challenge a person. Criticism is just something they do; it is who they are.

Wounding: Unfortunately, there are people who are hyper-critical because they feel the need to wound someone. The desire to inflict a wound isn’t even a conscious decision. Some know no other way but to hurt others. This type of behavior from “wounders” may stem from their own jealousy, hurt or pain. Often, this type of criticism is a cry for help; but sadly, some people beat up on or bully others for their own sadistic enjoyment.

Trusting: These are the people we love to have around. Most often they are good for us as they provide us with ongoing encouragement and support. “Trusters” don’t really think critically in the classical sense because they are not even critiquing the work; they are critiquing the heart. They know that not everything is going to be perfect, so they don’t expect you to be. Typically, “trusters” just believe in people and think the very best of everyone. Their behavior leads them to be great people to be around but not actually valuable critics. They are certainly valuable for our feelings of confidence and self-worth, but they don’t help us truly assess our efforts or ideas.

The ability to categorize the criticism can help identify the best way to respond to merited and unmerited criticism. “Is she being honest, or does she really like what we are doing?” “Did he really mean that hurtful thing? What might be the motive of that statement?” are questions that consistently can help us navigate the disapproval and criticism in our lives. We can best ask those types of questions when we have the ability to view the angle from which they come.

We always will be criticized; it’s a reality of leadership. Our goal shouldn’t be to avoid criticism but to find appropriate ways to deal with it. Disapproval and criticism are not going away. In order to be fruitful and effective leaders, we must learn to deal with them. I trust you will determine ways to respond appropriately to the never-ending analysis, evaluation and judgment of your work so you might better help students find and follow Jesus.