A few years ago I was in a casual running group. Our motto was: “No faster than the slowest runner.” I think this was not only a great motto for our group, but also a wise approach for being with others in life.
Most running mornings were predictable. The only question would be which direction we would take around our standard trail. There were, however, unpredictable mornings when one of our members (a marathoner who ran with us amateurs for warm up) would lead our group.
Our marathon runner would challenge us to go beyond our typical finishing line. Passing our usual stopping point caused a bit of anxiety on these mornings. Wondering when we were going to call it quits as another mile passed could be painful or exhilarating, depending on the day, our moods and our energy levels.
That’s what happens when the finish line keeps moving. Now, the finish line between adolescence and adulthood is moving, too.
“Why Don’t They Just Grow Up?”
If you listen, you can hear adults criticizing today’s adolescents, arguing they lack the maturity, direction and responsibility of earlier generations. Beneath the surface, though, what often is being communicated is the feeling that “those darn teenagers don’t look like me, sound like me or care what I believe is important.”
I get to visit with churches, leaders and parents regularly; and I frequently share a very short explanation of adolescent development, which includes the notion that adolescence now extends well into the 20s.
Almost without fail, the next thing I hear is a question: “How do we fix this problem and get them to grow up by 18 as they should?”
For those of us who care deeply about teens, this attitude can be frustrating. Sure, adolescents are now taking longer to grow than has been customary in the past, but this change neither is something they’re causing nor something we can fix. A cultural shift has taken place, I explain; and while there are great and positive things we may do to come alongside adolescents, fixing them is not what is needed.
The issue is not what happened to adolescence, but rather what happened to adulthood. Adulthood has shifted. As a result, it can be difficult for adults to find sure footing beneath them, let alone adolescents who are making the difficult transition to adulthood.
Technology, occupational structures, globalization, the economy and health care all have contributed toward moving the finish line for adulthood. Likewise, the requirements for adequate preparation for adulthood also have changed.
As I explain to frustrated parents, when we talk about young people failing to grow up, what we’re actually talking about is their inability to internalize appropriately a whole new set of cultural operating instructions for everything the adult world now requires. Sure, some young people may be lazy. Most are baffled.
From Pathway to Labyrinth
Once upon a time, the pathway to adulthood may have been straight and simple. That’s not the way things are today.
Teens have access to loads of information, but they often lack the wisdom to know what to do with it. As Jeylen Mortimer and Reed Larsen put it in their 2002 study, The Changing Adolescent Experience: Societal Trends and the Transition to Adulthood:
“What is clear is that, across social strata, rapid social and institutional changes place a premium on youth’s initiative, creativity, and ability to navigate a multidimensional labyrinth of choices and demands. For both rich and poor, the future puts greater responsibility onto their plates, requiring them to be volitional and agentic as they manage diverse components of fiscal, human and social capital. Of foremost importance, they must be proficient in gathering information and putting it to use.”
Today’s adults faced a similar responsibility to gather and apply information 30 years ago when they were growing up. There are, however, two major changes that have taken place.
First, there is simply more information to sift through today. It’s easy to make the choice between chocolate and vanilla. Throw in 29 other flavors and while you may still make the same choice, it takes longer to get there. That’s what Mortimer and Larsen mean when they say today’s young people face a “multidimensional labyrinth of choices and demands.”
Second, many young people are navigating this labyrinth of choices on their own. So in addition to the increase in choices, many young people lack healthy role models of adulthood.
Some teens look at adults and don’t want to grow up. What they see in adults are stressed out, friendless, hopeless, joyless lives. Why would they want to grow up? I believe this is where adults have a golden opportunity to celebrate that God is with us and has great things for every stage of life!
Of course, parents are the first and greatest support for adolescents journeying toward adulthood; but not all adolescents have helpful or engaged parents in their lives. Even those with engaged and savvy parents need other adults to come alongside them as they prepare for adulthood.
This does not mean parents are failing in their duties. Rather, it’s that no parent can be an expert in everything in the world today. Adolescents need other significant adults as they move toward adulthood.
One of our most important tasks as youth leaders is demonstrating through our lives and actions that being an adult is something to anticipate eagerly. We can be model and guide, serving as a resource for adolescents as they journey toward adulthood.
Growing Up Alone
Too often the difficult work of moving toward adulthood is done in isolation from the wisdom and care of nearby adults. Often, adults are unengaged or focused solely on what they can gain from the young. For example, market research indicates many adults look to adolescents to learn what is cool.
At one time, young people looked to adults for information, to see how to behave, dress and get along in society. Today, many adults go to great lengths to mask their age and look to those who are young to determine what is cool, acceptable and how to get along in society. Adults have placed a great deal of pressure on the young not only to navigate the labyrinth toward growing up, but to set future trends for the adults themselves. The result has been a sort of reversal in influence well beyond reciprocal socialization.
Families, the Internet, governmental, private and public services, and friends (including virtual friends) are among the support systems that should help adolescents navigate toward adulthood. The difficulty is that much of what the world offers to teens today is more about what is good or convenient for the adults around them and not what actually is healthy or nurturing for the adolescent.
Also, while the church should be a positive support system, it has failed at times to serve as a reliable guide on the path toward adulthood. Church resources, meeting rooms and space on the calendar frequently are assigned to adults and children first, with youth getting whatever is left.
Our words say to adolescents, “We care and want to help you”; but our actions reveal we are too wrapped up in our own issues to serve as reliable mentors and guides.
I firmly believe adults in the church want good things for our young people. Many, however, don’t know what to do to help them. That’s why youth workers are so important. We get to be the people in our churches who advocate for adolescents and invite other adults to begin thinking about and acting on what is good for teens.
Essential Assets for Growing Up
The Search Institute has developed a list of 40 assets that can help young people successfully make the journey from adolescence to adulthood. These developmental assets include family support, religious community and adult role models. One of the more interesting assets is when a young person has at least three non-parent adults who are engaged in his or her life in a positive way. I can think of no clearer affirmation for the need for youth ministry.
One of the most hopeful findings within the Search Institute data is that youth who are lacking in one area may still thrive! For too long, teens living in poverty or other less-than-ideal family situations have been assumed to be doomed from the start. Search reminds us that despite rough circumstances, there are significant things youth workers can do—through the power of the Holy Spirit—to impact the lives of young people now and eternally.
One thing that’s clear in the data: There is a clear benefit to having a community of people around a teenager. The collective wisdom exponentially increases the young person’s potential for successful growth.
As the role of adulthood changes, the paths to it also change. When it comes to matters of faith, many parents look to the church for extra help and are willing to hand this over to those in ministry. I used to be critical of this. How could parents who claim to love their children hand over one of the most important aspects of training for life—one with eternal significance!?
With a few more years behind me, perspective and some great conversations with my own parents (and many others, as well), I can see the wisdom of asking the church to take the lead in matters of spiritual formation. I have yet to meet a youth pastor who turns down a parent asking for more help in fostering the faith of a child. I also have met many parents who are relieved that someone they trust is having conversations of spiritual depth with their children.
Most of the parents of my youth express gratitude for the youth leaders being able to be a voice of hope and faith of someone their children love and respect. Parents often feel inadequate, overwhelmed or it’s simply is not their thing though they believe it is important for their children. It is not a cop-out for parents to lean into youth ministry in matters of faith for their children; it is wisdom to know more than one voice is needed.
A Sacred Calling
Youth pastors are invited to play a powerful and sacred role in the lives of maturing adolescents.
I have talked to some youth workers who view this maturation process as little more than another a season of life that, as other seasons, soon will pass. For those of us who know better, we know this season of life impacts all the rest.
How do we help adolescents in the process of growing up? In short, we provide positive role models of adulthood, guides for the journey and pepper all with a heavy dose of patience and love. This invites those teenagers we love to become the faithful adults we know they can become.
Amy Jacober earned a Ph.D. from Fuller in Practical Theology. Prior to her doctoral work, she completed degrees in Social Work (MSW, Arizona State), Divinity (M.Div., Southwestern Baptist Theological Seminary), Church Social Services (MACSS, Southwestern Baptist Theological Seminary) and Sociology (B.A., Arizona). Her latest book is The Adolescent Journey: An Interdisciplinary Approach to Practical Youth Ministry (InterVarsity Press, 2011).
