“The more things change, the more they stay the same.” It’s a familiar saying, but have you ever wondered if it’s true when it comes to the kids you work with? Given the vast changes in youth culture, are kids still fundamentally the same? If they’ve changed, are the changes fairly minor or are they absolutely mega?
Dr. Chapman (“Chap”) Clark, Associate Professor of Youth, Family and Culture at Fuller Theological Seminary recently authored Hurt (Baker Books, 2004), that addresses some of these questions. In order to get beyond the surface, Chap conducted a broad survey of the most recent literature, both secular and faith-based, on adolescents. Not only that, but during his sabbatical from teaching, he spent several months doing “ethnographic” research at a local high school campus as a substitute teacher and at after-school events. The goal was to grasp the worldview of the students by observing, listening and having conversations with them. In the following interview, Chap describes what he’s seeing in kids and how caring adults should consider responding.
What’s the number one thing you’re seeing in adolescents?
The biggest theme that emerged out of my study — and we’re hearing about in other research studies, too — is that institutions that originally were designed for teens have dramatically changed. Now instead of being about caring for kids or what’s best for kids, they’re often more about what’s best for adults and keeping kids busy. I describe this as “systemic abandonment of the young” by the adults who are culturally charged with caring for kids. If kids don’t fit the pre-ordained boxes that adults control, they end up hurt, abused and left behind.
Where do you see this happening?
Pretty much everywhere: in schools, in families, in after-school activities. Take sports as an example. In the middle of the 20th century, youth sports was about new and fun experiences, appreciating the joy of play, learning to work together for a common goal and friendly competition. Have you been to a baseball games for 8 year-olds lately? It’s no longer about Johnny or Sue. It’s more about how Johnny’s step-dad feels about how Johnny’s play, and whether or not Sue’s coach is satisfied with the final score.
What about in the church?
Unfortunately we’re not much different. I wish we were, but we’re not. We’re often guilty of giving all sorts of attention to the kids who fit our boxes as being “good youth group kids” but dismissing the kids who aren’t. It’s the “good” kid who makes us feel better about ourselves and what we’re doing in ministry so we tend to gravitate to them.
What kind of effect does this have on kids?
By the time a young person hits mid-adolescence, at roughly the age of 14, she becomes aware of the effects of this lifelong abandonment of adults. The safety and protection she wants from adults just isn’t there. So she grabs onto the only people she feels she can trust: her friends. Kids are collectively going underground with their friends. They’re huddling together to wait out this increasingly difficult time of trying to figure out who they are and how they fit in a performance-oriented and often hostile adult-world.
For most kids, where does God fit in?
God is viewed as a final safety net, a “last straw,” that is neither very real nor practical. What about all this recent talk about how “religious” kids are? Kids are definitely more open to “spiritual” possibilities now than they were 10 years ago, but that doesn’t mean religion as a driving, self-sacrificing force is important to many of them. The name of the game is to make sure I survive — with my teachers, my coach, my parents, and frankly, even with my friends. If God helps me with that, I want God in my life; but I don’t want to make many sacrifices for Him.
That’s not very encouraging news for those who work with kids.
No, it’s not; but there are some kids, and I think it’s a minority, who are connected with a religious event or group and have a very real engagement with that faith. Many of these kids are more “religious” than their parents, atleast at church. When they leave the church environment, these kids often put on another self, a self that exhibits behaviors and attitudes that do not necessarily (and often do not at all) reflect that religious drive or commitment.
What are some of the factors that help kids be truly engaged in their faith?
There’s no doubt that a family’s faith, especially if it is truly integrated into the everyday lives of parents, has the most striking correlation to kids reporting that their faith is an important part of their lives.
That said, many, if not the vast majority, of young people, are looking for that one adult who will care for them without a performance agenda. Many times a youth worker or some other adult worker who invests time and energy into listening to kids and being there for them can have a deep impact on this generation. If religion means anything, it offers a “grand story” and a hope that those invited are welcome, regardless of their behavior or appearance. When this takes place, it can be very powerful.
Given all this, what should churches be doing for kids that we’re not?
Abandoned kids are waiting, but they’re guarded. From the outside, their shells look pretty tough. They’re skeptical that anybody will care about them for who they are. But when caring adults are also attached to religious faith, they have an even greater impact. So kids need to be loved by caring adults who are authentic and not plastic. Adults who are willing to sit on the steps of kids’ world and truly listen. Adults who first seek to understand the pain of growing up in a wild, fragmented world before they try to sell the moralistic obligations of the faith system. Adults who prove themselves to kids by being there for the long-haul for individual kids. If kids see adults who care and aren’t out for themselves, they might start thinking that God cares and that their faith means something.
Reflection questions:
1. In what ways do the kids you work with seem like they’ve been abandoned?
2. In what ways do you think kids might feel like the church has abandoned them?
3. In your opinion, what causes kids to be truly engaged in their faith?
4. Chap talks about the importance of adults “who are willing to sit on the steps of kids’ world and truly listen.” How do the relationships you have with kids fit that description? How do they not fit that description? Given that, what do you think you might want to do differently?
