My strategy for surviving the elliptical machine is to program my MP3 player to play in the random mode. An eclectic mix of old and new CDs genres tempers the pain and makes things more interesting. For instance, two days ago a few songs on my playlist got me thinking about sex.

Actually I think about sex a lot already. That’s what happens when your family includes two teens and two college students who live in the sexualized youth culture that I spend my time studying. But these three songs in a row — one classic rock, one late ’70s dance tune and one on the current country charts — issued straightforward sexual invitations from the male singer to the female object of his desire. Each song was unapologetically matter-of-fact and void of any context of commitment. I thought about how they illustrated an attitude prevalent not just in music; it is the way the emerging generations think about and live out their sexuality.

Then frustrated, I wondered what tune was coming next in my MP3 player. Believe it or not, it was an old Larry Norman song: “Why Don’t You Look into Jesus.” Recorded at the height of the sexual revolution, the song was Norman’s response to Janis Joplin and anyone else whose choices had put them on a fast path to self-destruction. One line, which got the song banned from most Christian radio stations when first released, jumped out at me. In it Norman pointed to the physical, emotional and spiritual consequences of our culture’s long-standing commitment to uncommitted sexual practice: “Gonorrhea on Valentine’s Day, and you’re still looking for the perfect lay. . .”

Larry Norman got me thinking about why we as youth workers need to be thinking about sex all the time.

We can’t avoid, deny or risk ignoring the ugly reality of our culture. Our kids are growing up in a world where they’re told that in all matters sexual, “The choice is yours.” They believe — along with mainstream culture — that when it comes to their sexuality, they can do whatever, wherever, whenever, however, with whomever.

Exhibit A: MTV’s little online booklet, It’s Your (Sex) Life: Your Guide to Safe and Responsible Sex, offers this guidance to our kids: “Fundamentally, it’s your body and it’s up to you what you do with it.” This message plays well where the emptiness of living life with a heart that hasn’t been filled by its Creator leads kids to substitute a few minutes of unfulfilling physical intimacy for the intimacy with God for which they ultimately long. The message has taken root and grown into values and beliefs about sexuality that lead to behavior most people think is not only normal — but right.

Three months after the Duke University lacrosse team sex scandal broke into the headlines this spring, Rolling Stone ran a story by Janet Reitman entitled “Sex & Scandal at Duke.” What Reitman found is worth noting, given the fact that sexual values, attitudes and behaviors quickly funnel down from the college campus to the middle school culture. She writes,
Sex at Duke is a sport most students participate in, on some level or another. Boys report that it’s still a little tough to get a girl freaky — anal sex, for example, is still rare enough that “any Duke guy could look at a lineup of girls and point out the one who likes it,” notes one male student (“usually the girl who’s drunk and coked out of her gourd at 4 a.m.,” he adds). But traditional intercourse is common, and oral sex is nearly ubiquitous, regarded as sort of a form of elaborate kissing that doesn’t really mean very much…Now, girls give [oral sex] freely — on their own initiative…(They also tend to get as much as they give, at least according to Duke men).” (Janet Reitman, “Sex & Scandal at Duke,” Rolling Stone, 14 June 2006, 74).

With the culture “talking” to our kids so much about sex that it’s shaping their values, beliefs and behaviors, what can we do as youth workers to help them see and experience the wonderful God-given gift of their sexuality in all of its wonder, pleasure and glory?

First, we need to know what they’re being told. This requires us to wander prayerfully out of our comfort zones and into their world, no matter how ugly we think that world might be. Read what they read. Watch what they watch. Listen to what they listen to. Get to know their culture, the messages the culture is sending and how that culture is shaping your students.

It’s like attending a “back to school night.” The only way to intelligently affirm or challenge the lessons is to know the lessons in the first place.

Second, talk about sex, talk about sex, and talk about sex some more. My own sex education serves as a great example of how not to address the topic with kids in today’s world. I was visited by the Sex Fairy. One night when I was 11 or 12 I climbed into bed and hit my head on something hard tucked inside my pillow case. I pulled out a book. The title was something like Bobby Grows Up. Inside were crude line drawings and explanations describing Bobby and his changing body. I learned how Sally was growing up, too. The next morning at breakfast, nothing was said about the book. That was it. Sex education complete.

In today’s world, our students are getting bombarded with “sex education” 24/7. If we want the truth about sex to be heard, we must be willing to enter into the dialogue by walking alongside our students, discussing and processing sexual messages whenever and wherever we encounter them. When the culture tells the truth, point that out and celebrate. When the culture lies, point that out and use it as a teachable moment to communicate and discuss the truth. And by all means, applaud the media when sex is depicted in a non-gratuitous manner that’s contextually correct, honoring God and this wonderful gift.

Third, invite your kids into your relationships. If you are single or dating, share your experience, the reality of your struggle to glorify God through your sexuality, and the ways in which you’ve learned how to honor God. If you are married, use your marriage to teach students who have spent years absorbing the culture’s changing view of marriage about God’s order and design for marriage. Let them know how sex is a gift that allows married couples to experience intimacy, express their love, find pleasure and “fill the earth.” Be frank and specific. (I wish someone had told me that married couples don’t have sex every day, several times a day!)

Explain that love is not a feeling or something that can be magically “made” through sexual intimacy. Instead, pound home the fact that love is a decision and commitment to give of one’s self through sickness, difficulty, joy and health. Sex is a way for people who truly love in this way to show and share that love. Most students I know today have no idea at all what love really is.

And while sexual temptations and opportunities will continue to be fed by our “go ahead and do it” culture, the One who offers a way out has promised to provide a way out. That was what Larry Norman said in his simple message to Janis Joplin — who I’m sure thought a lot about sex herself — and anyone else listening when he asked, “Why don’t you look into

Jesus?” Why? Because “He’s got the answer.”

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Walt Mueller is the founder and president of the Center for Parent/Youth Understanding (www.cpyu.org). He is the author of several books, including Engaging the Soul of Youth Culture: Bridging Teen Worldviews and Christian Truth and Understanding Today’s Youth Culture.