Most college students experience it over their first Christmas break—the inevitable fight with the parents about rules, curfews and the like. For most of the year, students live with little parental-enforced responsibility or supervision. The parents of a typical freshman may know little more than about the next trip home—or a constant need for money. After returning home, students wonder why they once again are accountable to their parents.

These encounters illustrate the question: How should college students relate to their parents? After all, honoring Mom and Dad makes the list of the Big Ten handed out on Sinai. Most Ten Commandment talks focus on honoring God or issues related to adultery and stealing. The Fifth Commandment, the one with a promise (Ephesians 6:2), often receives little time. We are now under the covenant of grace, but the law still reveals God’s heart and character. So the Fifth Commandment causes us to ask: How do students honor their parents as they enter adulthood?

Most often, we view the Fifth Commandment as one that helps children learn to obey Mom and Dad. However, the command does not expire when students leave home or turn 18. College represents a unique time of wrestling with what it means to honor parents as students embark on the journey of adulthood. As campus ministers, we can help them navigate this in ways that honor God and parents.

Engage Launch Sequence
For some students, this transition happens well—perhaps because their parents have worked hard to prepare them for the transition. For many students the new freedoms and opportunities of college cause some bumps in the road. Some parents fear this, tightening their grip, hovering and meddling. Challenges also may arise for students who become Christians at college and now have a radically different worldview than their parents. Tougher still, some students come from highly dysfunctional or abusive homes.

To help students live out the Fifth Commandment, we should help them see that honor does not equal obey. One of the greatest challenges can emerge when a parent’s desires and a student’s sense of God’s will seem to conflict. These disagreements may center on issues of faith, career, politics, mates or simply how they spend their time and energy. Jesus makes it clear that allegiance to the Kingdom is greater than even family relationships (Matthew 10:34). At the same time, honoring the ones who offer love, support and in many cases who are financing their college experience remains important to God.

Keeping the Fifth
Here are some practical steps for helping students keep the Fifth in college:

1. Prayer—parents need it, too! Encourage Christian students to pray regularly for their parents, taking an interest in their lives, stresses, concerns; then really pray for them.

2. Communication—students need to let parents know what is happening. Keep in mind, for at least 18 years, parents have taken great interest in the daily lives of their children. Encourage students to share about what they are learning, how they spend their time, about their friends, campus ministry and more. They want to know more about the entire experience than just a need for more money.

3. Wisdom—almost all parents seem to get remarkably smarter between the time their kids are 18 and 22. They actually know quite a bit. Encourage students to take a little time to ask and listen.

4. Appreciation—nearly all parents have made some sort of sacrifices for students to go to college. They need to hear a little appreciation for all they have done to prepare students for the journey.