I’ve been in youth ministry for 30 years, but my preferred role is being the mom to a bunch of now-grown adults.

When they were teens, you could have called them juvenile delinquents; but juvenile delinquents is not how I referred to them back in 1992 when we first met. They were 11 years old and had every chance of a good future. Tragically, they did not experience a future of goodness and hope.

They came to know Christ before there were any charges brought against them and before the street robbed them of their future. They did grow in their faith, yet sadly they were arrested again and again—and guilty with those arrests.

As a result, I have become way too familiar with Virginia’s prison system. As a result, I have come to view our judicial system (as broken as it is) as one of God’s hands in His correction. In some cases, time in jail or prison can lead to a refocusing and a commitment to a new life. That’s what happened with a young man named Chase and young woman named Grace.

At times, I have been relieved when Chase and Grace were locked up. They were in less danger for their lives, and they were given a chance to become more receptive to God’s voice—a voice which they hear very clearly, nearly audibly, but have a hard time living out.

Now that they are grown, they have told me they are sure they would be dead if it wasn’t for God’s intervention. (I did lose one 21-year-old to death, and currently I have two other kids in the system.

The names Chase and Grace are good for this article because, as with most juvenile delinquents, they must be chased and you must show grace.

Divided Loyalties
Chase and Grace really want to walk with God, and they really want your help. It’s just that they love the drugs, gangs or (fill-in-the-blank) more than they desire God. Their loyalties are someplace else. They understand you really will help and that God promises a better future—but their words and actions rarely let you in on that.

Chase and Grace have a loyalty problem. I teach often about loyalty because it is a strong word that has a powerful hold on their imaginations.

Do Chase and Grace have older siblings in the same negative lifestyle? This is a common denominator in every one of my juvie kids: longevity in the negative life. They couldn’t cut the loyalty to their older brothers.

My role was to help Chase and Grace transition from this loyalty. Transition is different than change. Change hinges on the new thing. Transition hinges on the ending you have to make to leave the old situation behind. There needs to be an ending to this loyalty, and they need you not only to help them make that ending, but also to help identify this ending.

Delinquents in Our Midst
You’ve had these boys in your youth group, too, right? Maybe this story about one wayward teen sounds familiar.

“Ryan and I met at church of all places. Neither of us seemed to fit. We were the bad boys of the place. If someone said not to do something, we did it. There was always some trouble to get into. Before long, we stopped going and just started hanging out. Ryan’s parents didn’t like that very much; they always thought I was a bad influence. I could never figure out why. They tried to keep us from doing stuff together, but that didn’t last long. We were like brothers. It was always easy to strike up a conversation with Ryan. I didn’t have to pretend around him; he accepted me for who I was. It was like he knew my thoughts, I knew his. I guess it wasn’t a surprise that we started doing drugs together.”

Maybe you have tried to help kids such as Chase and Grace fit into youth group, but they keep themselves on the outside. You need to know they want to be on the outside. They want to sin. You can bend youth group to any contortion to include these two, but they would still put themselves on the outside. Church youth group may not be an option to help them. You may have to find a different plan.

Addiction and Failure
Many juvenile delinquents struggle with the reality of addiction. Either because of inexperience or blind love, you may not recognize addiction in the teens you serve. I pray the Holy Spirit will reveal to you the addictions of your teens so you can address this important issue with them.

Addiction is a minute-by-minute problem. You can’t be there for every minute of their lives. No one can but the Holy Spirit. Encourage them during those minutes you have. Then trust God with all those minutes you don’t have.

Delinquents such as Chase and Grace also often overwhelm themselves with a mindset of failure. Follow the thought process of this one juvenile delinquent:

“Sometimes I think about the future and I think, ‘What’s out there for me? Will the mistakes I’ve made dog me forever? When I think about the future, it’s one big blank to me. I feel like I will never live up to the standard God has for me. I also feel like I will never be as successful as I want myself to be. When these feelings come over me I start to think I’m a failure. I begin to worry that I will never amount to anything.” Then the question comes up: “Why did things end up like they have? I feel like there is nothing I can do to fix the problems I’ve had, and I have no way out of the situation I’m facing.”

Jesus taught that Satan’s plans are to steal, kill and destroy. In the case of juvenile delinquents, Satan steals the present and their future. Chase and Grace are afraid of their own success. This thinking is foreign to the overachiever, but I see it operating time and time again in my kids. The fruitful Christian life is too foreign to them.

Into the Neutral Zone
The second phase of transition is the Neutral Zone. The Neutral Zone is defined by three parts:
• It is full of confusion, which is taken as a sign that something is wrong with you;
• Kids want to avoid it because of the anxiety it brings;
• It me be one of the most creative times in their life.

Chase and Grace are more likely to sabotage themselves than process through the Neutral Zone. You can be a guide for them through the Neutral Zone.

Often while Chase and Grace are navigating the Neutral Zone, there are beloved Christians speaking into their lives. This includes you and everyone you have gathered together to be of help. What you inadvertently may not know is this actually adds pressure. Who knew we actually were giving them yet another reason to sabotage themselves. Their unspoken thought is, “Maybe I should just do it (fill-in-the-blank) now before I have even more to lose.” I know this pain all too well. Yet we must continue to speak. This faithfulness is what speaks the loudest.

Are you getting the idea that you will be repeating yourself often? That’s because you will.

Love for the Long Haul
To love Chase and Grace is to pray, plant more seeds and water those seeds. God will bring about the harvest—eventually. Chase and Grace have to make the decision. Your words and actions help, but the actual changing is out of your hands. You probably know that deep down; but when there is hurt involved because you love, you need to be reminded of this.

If you love Chase and Grace, you are in this for the long haul. Longevity at your church is more important to these teens than to anyone else. I’m grateful I’ve been at my church for 22 years. The whole of my kids’ church experiences are found in one building for them—and that brings them much comfort.

Brace your heart so you can do this. Victory eventually will be theirs. Your faithfulness is a picture of God’s faithfulness, and this picture has more value than you may ever realize. I am just now hearing the value of this from my son who is now 31. He is at a point in his life when he can reflect back on this faithfulness and express appreciation. It is always expressed with tears—his tears.