It has been a joy watching Tommy’s faith grow. Raised in a nominally Catholic home, he was invited by a friend to our youth ministry, was immediately drawn in by the worship teams, gave his life to Jesus, and eventually began serving on our Student Ministry Team.
Tommy is extremely fired up about his faith, but remains quite a bit rough around the edges. Tommy carries on the long tradition of young men about whom Jesus first remarked, “The spirit is willing, but the flesh is weak.”
Connor had a very different upbringing. Raised in a conservative Christian home, his faith often expresses itself in a more Pharasaical manner. It took him a long time to connect with our ministry because people such as Tommy were members. He assumed we must not be preaching the gospel because of the kind of students we were attracting.
As our group was preparing for our annual mission trip, the showdown between newbie Tommy (the “hypocrite”) and oldie Connor (the “Pharisee”) came out of the closet. Connor expressed frustration that Tommy (and a few others) were using foul language. Meanwhile, Tommy was annoyed by Connor’s goody-goody shtick.
The labels are oversimplifications, but are not totally inaccurate: Tommy’s behavior does sometimes betray his faith, and Connor does sometimes exhibit a legalistic attitude toward other believers.
How does a youth worker welcome both kinds of students and defuse potential problems? The key in a situation such as this is to help the Tommys and the Connors of the world understand each other’s strengths and weaknesses, gifts and blind spots.
Here’s the kind of conversation we need to have with Connor about Tommy:
“I know you don’t understand why Tommy uses such bad language. You’re right. As Christians, we absolutely should ‘let no unwholesome talk come out of our mouths.’ However, I also would appreciate it if you would try to think about Connor’s situation. He’s only been a Christian for a little more than a year. He still has a long way to go, but you may not be aware of how far he has already come. I’m going to talk to him about his language, but I really hope you’ll be able to see him as a brother in Christ who is at a different place in his journey than you are. Love him where he is, and trust that God isn’t done with him, just as God isn’t done with you.”
Now it’s time to talk to Tommy!
“Hey Tommy, I am so happy with how far you’ve come from when I first met you. It’s so awesome to see you desiring to serve on this mission trip again, and I know God will continue to work in and through you. However, I’ve noticed that sometimes your language is a little inappropriate. It’s not as if God won’t love you if you swear, but our language is one way we reflect the beauty of God to others. On this trip in particular, it’s important that we represent the God we’re serving—to one another on this team and to the people to whom we’re ministering. You may not be used to watching what you say in other times in your life, but on this team, there are some people who have a different background than you. You may not connect right away with people who grew up in the church, but I hope you are able to appreciate their upbringing the way the way you’d like them to respect yours.”
It’s a mystery how Jesus brings so many different people to Himself, a challenge for youth workers trying to weave such diverse young people into a single community. Nevertheless, with your leadership and the Spirit’s help, it’s possible.
