Nobody wants to be that guy. That guy is the one who blurts out a spoiler to a movie you haven’t seen. She (Yes, that guy can be a male or female.) is the Debbie Downer who tells you, “Sure you won a vacation from a radio contest, but you’ll have to pay tax on it.” He proudly points out grammatical errors to those around him, unsolicited of course. That guy basically is someone who is unintentionally annoying; and in the youth ministry world, that guy can rear his or her head in myriad ways, but perhaps especially in relation to the promotion of and recruitment to your events.

I love events. Our retreats and mission trips are highlights of the year for leaders and students, and they consistently are referred to as life-changing experiences. Because we know this, we sometimes can over-promote. If we’re not careful, students will start to see us as event-pushers rather than ministers.

This was brought home to me (figuratively and literally) when my daughter came began complaining about an adult at her school who invited her to a youth event. She said she wasn’t interested in going, but he wouldn’t leave it alone. He asked her why not, and my daughter felt pestered. You think she’s going to be eager to talk to him the next time she sees him? Nope. She’ll avoid him like he’s…well, like he’s that guy. No one wants to be near that guy.

I remember reading an article a few years ago by a youth pastor who brought in Christian bands for concerts at his church. He started doing it with the idea that it would be a great outreach event for his students to attend and invite their friends. In time, it became like a part-time job with more work and stress than he anticipated. His A-ha! moment occurred when one of the band’s managers said to him: “Listen, this is what you have to deal with when you’re a concert promoter.” It hit him like a ton of bricks. He had no interest in being a concert promoter, but he unwittingly had become one! We run the same risk of becoming event promoters unless we keep our intentions in check.

This can be extremely difficult, because we know how great events can be. “If I can just get him to go on this retreat,” we think, “everything will be different.” Or: “She has no idea what she’ll be missing if she doesn’t come to our summer camp!” These thoughts may be accurate, but we also have to trust that God is in control and things usually happen in His time, not ours. We have to make sure our students know we value them regardless of whether they sign up for our events.

We absolutely should go out of our way to be welcoming to students, especially those not connected to a youth group. We want to make sure they know it doesn’t matter whether they’ve been to our youth group—we want them at our retreats—but being on the right side of the line between welcoming and annoying is crucial. Practically speaking, this means, “You can’t come? Why not?!?! Are you sure you can’t get out of it?” needs to be replaced with, “Oh that’s too bad. I hope you can make the next one.” We must keep the relationship, not the event, as the most important thing.

So be bold. Be encouraging. Be welcoming. Just don’t be that guy.