One of the givens of being a youth pastor (in addition to the consumption of a good deal of pizza and the never-ending supply of free T-shirts) is that you probably will be asked to officiate at a fair number of weddings.
Anyone who has done weddings can attest they are a huge blessing to participate in, but they also can produce a fair amount of stress. As someone who has done more than a few, allow me to offer my three big-picture recommendations, followed by three handy tips.
Big-Picture One: Offer your suggestions, then submit to their wishes.
For instance, I personally prefer to ask, “Will you have this man…” rather than “Do you have this man…”, the distinction being that everyone knows you do have him now, but will you honor that promise in the future?
I let couples know my preference for this language, but I leave the final choice to them. After all, some couples (brides especially) have dreamed their whole lives of saying “I do.” As long as it’s not disrespectful or sacrilegious, do your best to accommodate their wishes. It’s their day, not yours.
Big-Picture Two: Get as many questions answered as possible before the rehearsal.
This preparation will be more important if you’re dealing with blended family scenarios where this parent doesn’t want anything to do with that parent, and so on.
Figure out your relationship with the wedding coordinator (if there is one); and above all, lead with confidence. There’s nothing worse at a rehearsal than the feeling that no one is in control.
Big-Picture Three: Combine levity with solemnity.
This is a difficult balance to strike, but the key is that you find that mid-way point between being too serious or too laidback. A wedding is most certainly a solemn occasion; especially when you are administering the vows and sharing the charge part of your message, there should be a weight to your words and to the occasion. Still, wedding days need not be overly somber. After all, weddings should be celebrations!
Let everyone know at the rehearsal that something probably will go wrong, but there’s no need to worry about that. You could tell a story of a funny mishap at a previous wedding to take off some of the pressure; and if something does go wrong during the ceremony, you can set the tone by taking it in stride and laughing it off.
OK, now onto the handy tips.
Handy Tip 1: Prepare your notes in the most discreet manner possible.
I use a small black leather book that has sample services in it; but I print out each specific service, cut the pages to fit, and tape them in using restickable tape. I imagine that in a few years, most ministers will bring their electronic tablets up with them, but I’m holding out on that as long as I can.
Handy Tip 2: The ring thing.
Above all, have the best man carry both rings in his pocket (avoid having the ring bearer use the actual rings if possible). When it comes time to exchange them, instruct the couple to put the ring on only up to the knuckle, unless it goes on easily. The one receiving the ring can then push it on the rest of the way. You don’t want them trying to jam the thing on while they’re looking longingly into each other’s eyes.
Handy Tip 3: State to state.
It is likely you will be asked to perform a wedding out-of-state at some point. Make sure you ask the bride and groom to find out if there are requirements for officiating pastors to register with another county. Oh, and don’t forget to sign the license!
What a privilege we ministers have to be present as two people pledge their lives to each other. Plus, the meal at the reception is a nice break from all that pizza.
