That’s my story.
It was a missed opportunity. In their defense, youth ministry wasn’t as smart or challenging as today. Without an intentional plan in place to move alongside me through my teenage years, the church unknowingly left a big hole in my developing years. Instead, I found other less-than-positive ways to celebrate those pivotal passage points (e.g., learning to drive, attending the prom, graduating).
For a decade into my youth ministry career, I didn’t want anything to do with the confirmation process. If it had to be a part of the youth ministry I was serving, I did what I was told to do and gave minimal effort.
Fortunately for me and for my ministry career, I stumbled into a class at a national youth ministry conference taught by Dr. Roland Martinson, recently retired from St. Paul Seminary in St. Paul, Minnesota. His energetic passion for seeing confirmation in an exciting, relevant light totally turned me around about the value of celebrating rites of passage in the lives of students. It transformed my entire outlook into one that realized creating memories in the ages and stages of our youths’ lives could be alive, vibrant and vital to their faith. I put together a confirmation curriculum that took students to places where they could experience the sights and sounds of baptism, communion, death and resurrection. Confirmation at that church became a highlight of the year for the entire body. Everyone had an opportunity to participate in one way or another. On Confirmation Sunday, the church was packed (instead of members staying away because they were afraid the service would run long)!
Intentional Memory Making
So flip the calendar forward to 2015. I have the opportunity to coach a lot of churches about their youth ministries. When helping a church assess its strengths and determine the stumbling blocks, the subject of Rites of Passage is a part of evaluating each ministry.
Let me explain why. Rites of Passage—Ages & Stages—Memory Making Milestones (whatever nomenclature you prefer for identifying these moments) recognize key moments in a teenager’s life development. It’s a positive way to say to students, “We are walking alongside you. We love you and care about your life accomplishments.”
Lethargic churches often limit their memory-maker events to: Entry into the youth program; some coming-of-age process such as confirmation or pastor’s classes; and Graduation Sunday (for which half the students don’t show). These churches are the ones that call me asking, “Where did our kids and families go, and how can we get them back?”
Savvy churches have discovered that weaving important student life moments into the fabric of church life offers multiple benefits:
• Memory Makers Create Intergenerational Congregations: Every church is multigenerational unless it’s all 20-somethings, for example. As soon as a child or parent enters the fellowship, it’s multigenerational. (Intergenerational means something else.) It is the church that finds intentional ways to equip its people for relationship building between ages/stages that wouldn’t fall into line with each other normally and naturally. For example, providing the 80-year-old ladies a reason to know a teen’s name and a topic to discuss about their lives is valuable.
They Give Engaging Reasons for a Student to Stay Connected: While more formalized rites of passage can produce an eye roll from students, churches that also incorporate fun celebrations have a better percentage of keeping students connected to their faith families.
• They Provide Youth (and Children) Relevant Ways to Be Seen and Heard in Corporate Worship: I hear it time and time again when conducting assessment listening groups: “We want to see more of the kids in worship. Where are they? Where are the families? We feel so siloed.” When a church involves all ages in worship, it instills its younger members with the sense that they have a seat at the table, too, and the service is not just for grownups.
• They Make Fun Moments Happen: Who doesn’t love a party? Honestly, some churches need to lighten up a bit, especially in corporate gatherings. Jesus had a sense of humor and wanted us to live joyfully. So, why not have a little more laughter when creating memories for your families?
It’s not enough to create simple events when students transition from middle school to high school. Youth ministries must work to create memory-making events for which the church comes together to become a complete body of Christ.
Now Make It Happen
By now, I imagine you’re wondering what ideas I have in mind. Here’s a list. Feel free to take these and morph them into what fits your fellowship’s needs. Some ideas are mine; some I’ve borrowed from other churches. Either way, there’s potential in each one whether your church is more traditional or less formal.
• Confirmation 2.0: Invite pastors, spend time with your seniors before they leave for college in a four-week course reaffirming what and whom they know.
• Senior Survival Kit: Give graduates boxes of goodies. I don’t know what you might want to include, but you’ll have fun figuring that out and then dispensing the goods. Kit ideas could include: devotionals, iTunes gift cards, business cards from various professionals in the church, fancy pens, etc. It’s a way to connect with high school students in a year when traditionally it’s hard to keep up with them.
• Backpack Blessing: This works in younger grades, as well. Have church members bring school supplies. Divide items by the alphabet (e.g., last names A-F bring pencils; G-L bring paper, and so forth). The whole congregation prays over the backpacks. Imagine the power that would bring to the school year.
• Driver License: If your church has screens at the front of the sanctuary, post a photo of the freshly minted license in the pre-service announcements. This gives people a name and a face to greet after the service.
• First Car: I know a pastor who prays over the student’s keys with the waters of his or her baptism. He actually has them bring the keys to their first car up front of the congregation and has created a short liturgy. It’s really sweet!
• Prom Weekend: Extend the party! Show the photos! Have students and parents send pics to the church for inclusion in a slide show celebrating each student along with Scripture verses that support the joy of the dance! (This also might plant a subliminal accountability message).
• Duct-Tape Sunday: I know a church where everyone comes out to line the church parking lot with their coolers and lawn chairs. It’s one big tailgate party. The event? Each rising ninth grader gets to pick the 12th grader of choice and duct tape that senior to the official light pole. It’s a reverse hazing that allows the freshman a big moment, creates a bond with that senior, keeps those 12th graders interested in participating, and provides loads of laughs!
• Mud-Pit/Food Fight Sunday: Another youth pastor friend creates a similar environment, which the whole church attends. In this case, it’s the youth versus adult volunteers. He uses it as a key part of his Fall Kick-Off, where he also gets updated info on each student and runs a Volunteer Here Fair for the youth ministry.
None of this comes accidentally. The best way to bump up your church’s approach to memory making is to bring the key players together as worship leaders, youth, pastoral staff, family ministry and older ministry leaders. Create a list of what would work for your church. The most important step is next: Create a game plan of who will do what, when and where. The first 10 steps to making these special times realities are what move the concepts from paper to practice.
Churches, you can do this. I guarantee your people will have fun as a result. They’ll grow more invested into each other. The end result will be that students will remember the investment you made and be more likely to stay connected after graduation.
Stephanie Caro has been working with students (and the adults who do ministry with them) for more than 30 years. She is the author of several youth ministry books, a featured columnist in Group magazine, and a blogger for MoreThanDodgeball.com, the most-read youth ministry blog. She is senior consultant for Ministry Architects, a church consulting company owned by Mark DeVries. She and her husband live in Houston; their seven kids are grown and gone!
