Chris Wheeler stands out in a crowd—and it’s not just due to his large, unruly mop of hair or his magnetic, off-the-wall personality. These days, the former youth pastor and current director of Student Initiatives at Show Hope finds himself in the minority most weekends amid a sea of women on the Girls of Grace tour.

Girls of Grace was the brainchild of award-winning vocal group Point of Grace more than a decade ago. The one-day conference, geared toward sixth- through 12th-grade girls, features a lineup of top artists and speakers addressing topics specific to young women. As the only male speaker, and often one of the only males on the entire tour, Wheeler considers it a privilege to have the opportunity to speak truth into the lives of teen girls on a regular basis.

Last year’s season of Girls of Grace found Wheeler donning an apron and cooking an actual steak on stage, encouraging the girls in the audience to “wait for steak”—a man, not a boy, who will treat them with the honor, respect and dignity they deserve. At the end of his message, he would travel through the audience and pass out steak samples, further emphasizing his point. A new season of Girls of Grace starts this fall, and while it’s unclear whether Wheeler will be cooking more delicacies on stage to accompany this year’s theme (Live Freely. Love Fiercely. Lead Fearlessly.), it’s safe to say he’ll be addressing issues that speak to teen girls from a big brother’s perspective. Although he hasn’t completely solved the mystery that shrouds the world of teenage girls, he has discovered some insider tips he’s willing to share.

Tip #1: Play Your Role
When it comes to reaching teen girls, Wheeler’s best advice for youth leaders is simply: “Play your role.”

“Don’t try to be their dad; don’t try to be their coach; don’t try to be their teacher; don’t try to be their friend; don’t try to be their buddy; don’t try to be anything, but play your role as a mentor in their life and as a big brother,” Wheeler advises.

He adds that it’s important for youth leaders to emulate how the life of a Christ-centered husband and father looks. “Model the kind of man they should look for in a husband,” he says.

Sharing your story is just as significant, and Wheeler encourages leaders to be transparent about their lives in front of their students. Teen girls will gravitate toward stories about faith, love and family. He offers, “Youth pastors ought to tell stories about their marriage, about being a dad, [and] about not doing it perfectly and making mistakes.”

Tip #2: Help Them Discover Their Identity in Christ
Not only should youth leaders lead by example, but they should fight to keep the message of grace front and center for teen girls, who need to be reassured consistently that God’s love is unconditional. Wheeler contends that identity is generally the root of all insecurities.

“I think it all goes back to finding their identity in Christ. Everything else is a medicator,” he says. “Fashion is a medicator, and alcohol’s a medicator. Having a boyfriend’s a medicator, and I think almost even having good grades and church attendance is a medicator sometimes.”

He asserts that a student’s question of identity is no different than an adult’s: How and where do I fit in? “Fitting in is the ultimate goal of a student, but I think the root issue is finding identity in Christ. Finding my anchor or who I am is not defined by fashion or my relational status or financial status or academic status,” he continues. “It’s got to be found in Jesus, and it’s got to be found in knowing who I am in Christ; and that goes back to understanding grace.”

Tip #3: Grant Them Permission to Lead
While it’s important to help teen girls understand the very nature of grace, often head knowledge isn’t enough. “I think most students know all they need to know to obey Jesus. I don’t think our problem in Christian circles is a lack of knowledge,” Wheeler contends. “I think if we’re not careful, we’re going to create a whole generation of fathead Christians who have an incredible amount of Bible knowledge and an incredible amount of theology and doctrine, but they never put their faith in action. They never do anything with it. They just talk about it.

“I don’t think our current problem is lack of information, I think it’s lack of inspiration,” he continues. “It’s a lack of great mentors and a lack of heroes, of students who are jumping up and doing it. I think it’s information plus inspiration that makes transformation happen.”

Wheeler’s discovered a secret source of inspiration: other students. “Nothing speaks to a student as another student,” he confides. “When you motivate, inspire, encourage, challenge and equip students, they suddenly begin speaking to their peers.”

Perhaps adults don’t give young people enough credit. “Never underestimate the power of a teenager,” Wheeler says, “because they’re the ones who are fearless, and they’re the ones who’ll go and do the crazy thing and step up and speak out.”

The key is to motivate students to take the reins and step into the story God created specifically for them, but students generally are looking to authority figures to give them the green light. “I think Christian students are just waiting for someone to give them permission to lead,” Wheeler asserts. “When you give students ownership, when you give them the opportunity to lead, they’ll take it.”

Tip #4: Echo Their Parents
While it’s important to equip young girls with quality role models, lessons in grace and leadership skills, Wheeler attests that it’s equally vital to make sure every youth pastor always is pointing students back to their parents.

“A youth pastor’s role is to come alongside parents, but never to replace the parent’s role as the central spiritual authority in their lives,” he maintains. “Ideally, the way we would love to see it working in the church is to see youth pastors come alongside, echo and equip, and shore up what parents already are saying.”

He encourages youth leaders not to fall into the all-too-tempting trap of cool. “It’s a very easy thing to be the cool youth guy and be the friend, almost a little bit edgy, and let the parents be sold out as the dorky voices in the students’ lives,” he says. “I think that’s a cheap way out. Real youth pastors never sell out the parents, never make the parents seem to be dorky seconds, but make them be the elevated choice for wisdom.”

Learn more at ChrisWheeler.org and GirlsOfGrace.com.

SIDEBAR: JOIN THE MOVEMENT
If you’re looking for a way to mobilize your students, as the director of Student Initiatives at Show Hope, part of Chris Wheeler’s job is to create ways for students to get involved with orphan care. The easiest way is through The Movement Club, a service club model that allows any high school student in the nation to start his or her own orphan care club at school. The clubs aren’t directly a Show Hope fundraiser; instead, they invite students to participate in activities that encourage care of children in need.

“We designed it so it does not compete with the youth pastor’s time,” Wheeler explains. “Youth pastors constantly are looking for ways they can give their students service opportunities, so they can get their students moving from head knowledge to action. That’s what The Movement Club is designed to be.”

Learn more at The MovementClub.org.