If I began to count the number of times students started a sentence with “My mom…” or “She…” (referring to the mom), it would take days! The relationship with the mom, good or bad, is often a conversation piece among students. “I can’t come tonight, my Mom…” or “I’ll call my mom and ask…” or “My mom says…” and the list could continue.

The truth is, we live in a culture that does not place enough value on the family unit and relationships therein. Although together the family can exist in the same house, with the culture of busyness that is progressing around us, there is limited time to build and maintain a relationship beyond taxi driver, cook or personal assistant between mother and child. We don’t find that everywhere, so for all of you who have great relationships with your mom (as I do!), kudos to you! However, too often the focal point of the family relationship as a whole reflects how parents and children treat each other.

I grew up in a family that valued family. There were limited things that I kept hidden from my parents and often felt uncomfortable talking about with them. However, I also was 16 once and could fight the best fights anyone’s ever seen. I chose the worst things to argue about! As I grew, I valued my parents more. Knowing they actually were intelligent people and I did not have the answers for everything became apparent to me during my first year in college. I believe I even sent an apology letter to my mom and maybe even a thank-you card as a result of this realization.

Today, with the pressure on students to succeed and be involved in every club, show, performance, sport and community activity, there is limited time beyond that spent in the car for building and maintaining the caring, nurturing, mothering relationship we each long for as a result of simply being born.

So, when my students come to me with a “My mom…” sentence starter, my first response is to ask about their relationship with their mothers. Do they know what she likes to do? Mothers know what their children like to do because they drive them there so they can enjoy these activities! Do children know what their mothers like to eat? Moms knows what their children like to eat, because they’re the shoppers and cooks who prepare breakfasts, lunches and dinners. Does a child know what his or her mother’s frustrations are? She knows what her children’s are because most children are vocal when they are not happy with the outcome of something.

Moms have the hardest jobs! (Dad’s too, but we’re not celebrating them this month!) They don’t get to clock out at the end of the day, take a break or have someone else do their job for them. Moms can’t call in sick, call in late and can’t quit their job or decide they want a new one.  Moms are under-appreciated, underpaid and over worked!

So, to my students who complain about their mothers (and there are plenty!), I challenge them to get to know their mothers better — to invest in her half as much as she’s invested in her child — to do the opposite of what the culture is teaching us and build relationships rather than just go, go, go and do, do, do!

During my first year of ministry, my mentor David Burke and I had a really tough conversation about the reality of parents supporting youth ministries. He explained that if I did not have parents on my side, I would sink. I’ll never forget his words, “The relationship with the parents in your ministry decides whether it flies or dies.” I took that very seriously and began to invest in the parents, specifically mothers as I’m a woman, of the students in my ministry. I love my students’ mothers. They are supportive, challenging and encouraging. They call me regularly and trust me with their teenagers. Mothers aren’t only the calendar keepers of my students, but they are the heart keepers, as well. The mothers of students involved in my ministry want to know how their children are doing, if they’re growing, if they’re happy, if they love Jesus. Mothers truly are the best, and ministry can fly or die based on their support.

The definition for the word mother in Merriam-Webster’s Dictionary is my favorite: “a female parent, a woman in authority, maternal tenderness or affection.” I believe that pretty much sums it up — the parent in authority who is tender and affectionate. Thanks, moms, for all you do!