From his very first day at middle school, Ryan Parrish, 11, was destined to be a big man on campus. Literally. He already stands 5-foot-5.

He plays club hockey and football. The last thing any sane middle schooler would do is haze the guy, sixth-grader or not. So why was Ryan scared to go?

“He was pretty nervous when he started school,” mother Maureen said. “His biggest worry was the level of homework. He got to the point of thinking about not being in sports.”

Ryan, like most middle schoolers, had plenty to worry about. The transition between elementary and middle school is one of the biggest children ever will be asked to make. Instead of being primarily taught by one teacher in one classroom, youth must adjust to the chaos of a six-, seven- or eight-period day. Subjects are harder, teachers less forgiving. Schools tend to be bigger, and so do the students. Some, in fact, are even well into puberty, looking more like adults than kids. Social pressures escalate dramatically. In fact, the middle-school years may be the time in our lives when friends matter the most but are the hardest to find.

“Do you remember how easy it was to make friends in kindergarten?” Ryan asked his mother one day. “You’d just go up and talk to them.” We haven’t talked about the perils of figuring out combination locks. Youth workers who deal with middle schoolers know they’re stressed. Even though most only see their young charges for a few hours a week at most, there are still steps they can take to depressurize these students’ high-pressure lives.

What, Me Worry?
For many kids, middle school marks the start of the most stressful years of their lives. Some studies suggest stress escalates rapidly through the middle-school years and doesn’t taper off until well after college. A recent study by the Associated Press and MTV found 85 percent of youth (ages 13-24) experience at least moderate amounts of stress daily—a full 10 percentage points higher than adults polled earlier by AP.

“Anxiety is higher among adolescents,” psychologist Jean Twenge, a professor at San Diego State University, told AP. “Thankfully, it tends to wane in their 20s and 30s.”

School is the No. 1 worry point of younger teens, according to the AP/MTV study: School-age kids, beginning at 13, were more than twice as likely to say grades and classes were their biggest stressors—far outpacing family, relationships and self-esteem. Girls are particularly prone to fret about grades. Another study, by Dr. Roni Cohen-Sandler, found that young teen girls were 55 percent more likely than boys to pressure themselves to do well in the classroom; a full third of middle-school girls said they already were worried about getting into a good college. School, as worrisome as it can be, is really just the beginning.

“It’s not just academics, which are substantial,” said psychologist Joe Bruzzese, author of A Parent’s Guide to the Middle School Years, to be published this spring. “You’re not only getting hit with that, but your body is getting hit with changes. You’re trying to figure out who you are, separate from your parents.”

Most kids suffer the brunt of adolescence during their middle-school years. We’re not just talking about cracking voices, body hair and zits. The hormones racing through kids’ bodies turn their emotional world on end, too. Children begin to push away from their parents, testing the bounds of their own individuality and searching for a measure of independence. Yet, because they’re still kids, they still need a great deal of care, affirmation and guidance. Emotionally, they’re on a nausea-inducing thrill ride, hitting amazing highs and knee-knocking lows.

In short, adolescence makes kids just a wee bit crazy. Of course, puberty’s been a part of growing up since we all were eating woolly mammoth for dinner. Many experts say that in the last decade adolescents have experienced more pressure than ever—mainly because there’s so much more to do.

“They’re busier and more scheduled today,” says Vicki Witte, a volunteer with middle schoolers at First Presbyterian Church in Colorado Springs, Colorado. “They’re involved in so many things.”

Because football and hockey seasons overlap in September and October, Ryan Parrish spends six nights a week practicing the two sports for hours at a time. He’s also in the International Baccalaureate program, which means he can expect a hefty helping of homework more often than not. Maureen says, for her son, all this activity is good. “If he’s not in a sport, he can’t keep his focus as well,” she says.

For other kids, over-taxed extracurricular schedules can be a problem. Witte says many of the kids she works with are participating in three or four activities outside school, often not by choice. Bruzzese sees the same phenomenon.

“Parents feel compelled to get their kids involved in everything,” Bruzzese says. “They live life in a car; it’s gotten to the point of being overwhelming.”

Part of the Solution, Not the Problem
Some might think involvement in church is just one more activity that zaps time from kids’ already hectic schedules. Bruzzese and other experts say church and youth groups can be, for many kids, a place of refuge. Indeed, youth leaders, volunteers and workers can help be part of the solution to middle schoolers’ stress woes but only if they learn how to spot worry in their young charges.

“It can be hard to tell because they’re so moody anyway,” Witte jokes. “But if they’re moodier than usual, or snippy, they’re probably more stressed.”

Experts say middle-school anxiety sometimes manifests itself in physical symptoms, such as stomachaches or overt aggression. Bruzzese says it can be quite hard to spot because stressed-out kids often try to become, paradoxically, invisible. They withdraw from activities they’ve enjoyed in the past and often stop talking with folks they previously engaged.

“They’re overwhelmed,” he says. “They don’t know which way to go, so they stop moving.”

Obviously, youth workers can’t take away some of the more obvious catalysts for worry: They can’t speed those adolescent changes along or do a student’s homework for them; but they can help. Here’s how:

• Create a fun, safe atmosphere. With so many folks making so many demands on middle schoolers, it’s nice for them to have an anxiety-free retreat. Church and youth groups are ideal forums where that can happen, but it can go well beyond giving kids just an opportunity to blow off steam playing dodgeball. Bruzzese suggests leaders sometimes throw out topics of concern (“How do you guys handle homework?” “Do you spend as much time with your family as you’d like?”) and let kids address them head-on.

• Be ready to listen. According to Bruzzese, you don’t necessarily need to badger kids about their worries. “I think there’s a natural resistance to someone pressing on them,” he says, “asking them, ‘Tell me what’s wrong. Tell me what’s wrong.’” Kids need to know you’re there for them when they decide they’re ready to chat.

• Be affirming. Many stresses in middle school are augmented by simple insecurity. Complimenting kids on what they do well can help them feel better equipped to deal with the stresses that come their way.

• Pray. According to Witte, sometimes corporate prayer times become great opportunities for kids to share—with God and with others—what’s on their minds. She’s been surprised to hear some of these pent-up stresses pour out when a leader simply asks for prayer requests. “They’re surprisingly open,” she says. “They really are.”