It’s understandable that I am frequently asked how our three years in Southeast Asia affected Jordan and Molly.
They experienced intensive, intentional discipleship, away from the distractions and influences of their home culture. Living and working alongside adults who had planted their lives in difficult places for the sake of the gospel was a powerful example of sacrificial, intentional obedience. Living in a culture where Jordan and Molly were a social, religious and ethnic minority, stripped of everything that was familiar (except their family and their faith), brought them to the end of themselves. That made all the difference. Allowing God to break my kids is the best thing we ever did for them.
But that’s my perspective. Now at age 20 and 17 respectively, Jordan and Molly are well able to tell their own stories, which I invited them to do.
(Molly): “To be honest, I was scared when Dad went to Southeast Asia on that first trip for six weeks…That is when I began the practice I have today of reading my Bible every day. It became my source of confidence. I knew my Dad was in God’s hands and that God could be fully trusted with someone I love so much.
“When it came time for our family to move, I wasn’t afraid. I knew my dad wouldn’t take me somewhere unsafe. It helped to know he had gone before us. So I was excited about the adventure of living on a tropical island with palm trees everywhere, of learning to speak a new language, and learning about a new culture.”
Both Jordan and Molly faced culture shock when we arrived in our new country.
(Molly): “Getting off that excruciatingly long plane ride, standing in line for immigration, feeling so jet-lagged, exhausted and hot was my first taste of culture shock. Everything looked, sounded, smelled and felt so different. Then when we used the airport bathroom and saw the squatty potty, and there was water all over the floor, I thought, ‘Whoa.'”
Jordan had a different experience. His culture shock was more gradual and eventually caught up with him.
“I learned how to persevere through trials in Southeast Asia,” he now says. “Reading and meditating deeply on the Book of James is what got me through my culture shock. ‘Count it all joy, my brothers, when you meet trials of various kinds, for you know that the testing of your faith produces steadfastness’ (
“I learned, saw and lived out what it means to be a true follower of Christ and not just a cultural Christian,” Jordan said. “You couldn’t afford to be just a cultural Christian and survive where we lived. Although this was a great perspective to gain at a young age, it made attending a Christian university back in the States difficult for me. That has been the hardest thing about being back. The prevalence of cultural Christianity in America has been a challenge.
“Living in such a radically different country and culture, I had to rely on other believers in a way that we don’t have to in the States. We literally had to say to one another, ‘I need you. I need your help.’ The sense of community we had was so strong because we were all that we had. One of my best memories is our house church. I loved how we had to participate in church, rather than consume it. It was awesome to get into the Word together without any distractions. I really learned to love group discussion as a result of being in a house church.”
Molly, too, loved the strong sense of community.
“I saw and experienced a body of believers living and working together in community. I loved the shared vision we had. You couldn’t be independent, or you wouldn’t survive. I saw how valuable partnership in ministry is. It made me realize I wouldn’t want to go overseas as an unmarried person because partnership is too important to me now. I love the true sense of fellowship that I experienced on our team.
“I learned how to be flexible with my time and my schedule, because there weren’t any schedules that we had to follow,” Jordan said. “There were times when we got an invitation to a wedding 15 minutes before it was to start, so we learned to make people and relationships a priority rather than what we were busying ourselves with at the moment.
(Molly): “Now that I am 17, I don’t value popularity or being cool as my peers do. When you live in a culture that is so radically different, you learn how to give your fears over to God, because He is your only constant. I think that is what made me find my identity in Christ and my security in Him, because I was taken away from everything except for my parents, my brother and Him. God showed me who I am in Christ, not who I am in the eyes of peers or friends. If I didn’t have this life experience of living overseas, I probably would be struggling with the same insecurities that other teenage girls do.”
After two years back in the States, with Jordan in his second year of college and Molly in her last two years of high school, I asked them to reflect on how they had changed.
“Now that I am home,” said Jordan, “I realize I am not 100 percent Western anymore. Spending the first 15 years of my life in America is very significant, and I can’t deny that part of my life. I am thankful to be part of a unique community of people who spent part of their formative years growing up in another culture. I wouldn’t trade where I have grown up in America and Southeast Asia for anything.
“My family was close before we moved overseas; but in Southeast Asia, we were together 24/7 and we grew even closer, especially my sister and me. We became each other’s best friend. Before we moved overseas, the rest of the world was sadly not really on my radar. I was focused on what was going on in the States and that was it. Now, my future is certainly not limited to living and working in America. I find that news sources are more relevant and interesting to me if they have an international focus. Although I do care about what is going on in America, the famine in Somalia is more important to me than our nation’s debt crisis. There is so much more that is happening in the world than what is going on in our own backyard. Living overseas gave me a global perspective.
Finally, Molly: “I realized that not everyone in the world wants to be American or live in America. The world is so much bigger than our 50 states. I felt so disconnected from America while we were away, and that turned out not to be a bad thing. I bonded with my new culture because I was able to be fully there. I didn’t have satellite TV, and I didn’t use the Internet very much; so I was not distracted by what was happening on the other side of the world in America.
“One of the biggest things I learned was the value of my sibling. He’s the partner in life that God has given to me while I am growing up and until each one of us gets married. Most of my peers find their BFFs outside of their immediate families, but I never have known life without my brother, and he is the only other person in the world who has been through what I have. It’s sad to me how many siblings are not close. My brother and I may have eventually become distant had we stayed in the States, especially if we were at different schools and had different friends; but my brother went to high school, and I went to middle school in the same room for three years in our house in Southeast Asia. We were all each other had, and we wouldn’t have wanted it any other way.”
Excerpted from Sent by Hilary Alan Copyright ©2013 by Hilary Alan. Excerpted by permission of WaterBrook Press, a division of Random House, Inc. All rights reserved. No part of this excerpt may be reproduced or reprinted without permission in writing from the publisher.
