If I ever start my own church (Grace-Pointe-Life-Truth-House-North-River-Elevate), I won’t need to hire a youth minister.
I like youth workers. I have nothing against goatees or Frisbee. It’s not that. It’s just that I won’t need a youth minister. I’ve got outreach taken care of already. I have a foolproof plan on how to connect with every teenager in our community–a cool youth group room.
Seriously, why would I hire a full-time youth minister when I can get a real working traffic light for only $378? Have you ever seen those in action? You put one of those in the corner of your youth room, maybe pair it with a STOP sign and a mural of an open road or somebody smashing through a wall, and you’re going to break fire codes with the amount of kids that come to youth group.
I can just hear kids IM-ing about it on the Internet right now:
TEEN 1: Let’s go to that new church in town.
TEEN 2: Y? (That means “why.” These kids today with their abbreviations! It’s wacky!)
TEEN 1: They have a room called “the hangout spot” and there’s a traffic light in the corner.
TEEN 2: Wait, a real working traffic light? Like the kind I would see in the street? Get out of here.
TEEN 1: Seriously. They have a booth in this other corner; it’s like a coffee shop. They call that corner “the café.”
TEEN 2: A real booth? Oh man, if you tell me they have a mural, I am going to flip my lid. (Kids these days are always flipping their lids. You gotta stay on top of this phresh language.)
TEEN 1: Let’s go!
You’re thinking about coming right now, aren’t you? I didn’t even tell you about the section of bleachers we put in there and the fog machine.
Sorry though, unless you’re a “tweener” you can’t come hang out at “Project Xcitement.” Feel free to attend our single’s ministry though, where we’ll try to help cure you of your singleness.
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Excerpt from Stuff Christians Like (Zondervan).
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