Some of your students graduated last year and went off to college. Some of these students will be coming home for the holidays and/or winter break.
Youth workers differ over the best way to connect with them while they’re in town. Some design an event intended to bring former students together at one time and place. Others focus on connecting individually with a few students.
I’m not sure which is the best approach for you; either way, there are a few things to remember as you seek to reconnect with your former students during the holidays.
Chaotic Relationships
The biggest thing to keep in mind as you reach out to former students is the awkwardness they may be feeling about many of their relationships. Some students try to maintain previous dating relationships on a long-distance basis when the two parties are forced to live in different cities or states.
However, much has happened during the past few months while they have been apart from each other; and some of these developments are simply impossible to share. While they may be excited to see each other once again, reconnecting can be confusing and awkward.
Similar confusion can impact students’ relationships with parents, previous best friends and maybe you—the youth pastor. The fact is the last few months have been packed with many new experiences and feelings. That results in confusion, as well as clarity. As a result, students may find it hard to articulate everything they went through emotionally, physically and psychologically during the fall session at school.
Students dealing with relationship chaos don’t need more chaos from you, so approach them with love and calmness. Don’t leave them feeling more confused.
Meeting One-on-One
Such relationship chaos is one major reason I recommend that you seek time with some of your former students to have coffee or lunch. Here are four things to keep in mind as you reconnect with students on an intimate basis.
1) Ask direct and specific questions. Asking open-ended questions such as, “So, how was your semester?” can be overwhelming and can make your students feel that they cannot connect with you. They simply can’t think through and articulate everything that happened to them.
Focus instead on asking specific questions about roommates, favorite classes, new friends, interesting cafeteria foods, involvement in campus ministry (or lack of thereof) and their thoughts about living away from home. Direct and specific questions can help you connect at least on some levels.
2) Be personal and pastoral. I have had better conversations with former students when I take off my pastor hat and relate to them as a friend rather than as a minister for whom the meeting is a professional duty or an accountability time.
Share about your personal struggles, doubts, family life and more; but don’t dominate the conversation, which is about them, not you! Opening the door to deeper conversation by being vulnerable and honest can help bridge any separation they feel and help allay any awkwardness they may be feeling about coming home and returning to their home church.
3) Solicit a prayer request. At the end of your conversation, specifically ask him or her for one thing you can pray about on his or her behalf. This lets the person know he or she won’t leave your mind when your meeting has ended, and it conveys the relationship means more to you than part of a to-do list. Make sure you follow up during the next few months with text messages letting them know you’re still praying for them.
4) Ask them if they’re encouraged. This is a great question to ask, and it generates a whole spectrum of answers. Some students break into tears, while others simply smile and thank you for caring.
Asking this question also can give you insight into areas where you can personally encourage them personally in the future. Some will be more open about this than others; others may want you to ask about specific areas, such as their relationships with their parents or their best friends from high school.
Allow time in your schedule for conversations that may take a while. Meanwhile, can somebody pass me the eggnog?
