“Will you adopt me?” Dianna (not her real name) asked earnestly as we drove toward church for youth group.
“I don’t think that would work. At this stage in my life, I make a great youth minister; but I couldn’t be a great mother to you.”
Dianna was disappointed. She’s been in foster care since age 2, moving through 10 homes. My heart goes out to all foster care kids, but youth workers must accept our calling and our limitations. Youth in foster care have challenging family histories, which call for special care. However, we should be careful not to grow discouraged if their needs are deeper than we alone can fill.
Foster care is defined as “24-hour substitute care for children outside their own homes,” according to the Code of Federal Regulations. According to the most current Adoption and Foster Care Analysis and Reporting System Report (Jan. 2008), approximately 510,000 children were in foster care in the United States on Sept. 30, 2006. Roughly 42 percent of them had been in care for less than one year, and 13 percent had been in foster care for five years or more.
Our youth group has members in, and adopted through, foster care. What I’ve learned from them and their parents may help you minister to foster children in your community.
• Meet the parents: Especially if they don’t attend your church. Applaud them; listen to their concerns and problems; work with them.
• Listen to their stories: Foster care kids have stories to tell. Listening is vital to ensuring their healthy development.
• Find out how long they’ve been in foster care: Kids in foster care longer may have become hardened against rejection and braced themselves for the pain of disconnecting and reconnecting with people they hoped would love and keep them.
• Expect their needs to be beyond your personal ability to fulfill: Experiencing deprivation leaves kids with needs that seem insatiable. Clarify what you can reasonably give and prayerfully trust the Lord beyond that.
• Remember, Jesus is the Savior: It’s heady to have needy kids look to you as their savior; you’re not. Point them to Christ.
• Adoption envy: Be prepared to helpthem deal with envy. Also, pray for the Holy Spirit to prompt church members to adopt.
• Set firm boundaries and lovingly guard them: Foster kids may not have healthy boundaries and push the limits of propriety. For example, I stopped by my home with two foster care youth in tow. While unsupervised, they walked upstairs and started looking in bedrooms. We can help them learn respectful limits.
• Correct problematic patterns of behavior: “All Scripture is Godbreathed and is useful for teaching, rebuking, correcting and training in righteousness” (
• Point them toward a redeemed future: Given a difficult past, they may tend to dwell there. Point them to a good future in having been adopted into God’s family, even if earthly family matters remain difficult.
• Encourage their talents: Look for ways to give them positive attention.
• Diminish the economic divide: Issues of economic class must be considered as foster kids often have limited discretionary spending money. Think of ways to diminish the awareness of the economic divide and any possible shame.
• Look for community resources set aside for foster kids: Research funds earmarked for foster care youth inside and outside your church. Even non-religious foundations may cover costs of a Christian camp. To start your research www.childwelfare.gov has answers to questions that are asked frequently and links to state foster care information Web sites.
