Youth workers are some of the most fearless people I know.
I know youth workers who lead mission trips all over the globe, put 100 kids on snowboards or drink three cans of pure caffeine in 60 seconds for a smattering of youth group laughs. In terms of energy and an adventuresome spirit, youth workers often graduate at the top of the class.
Nothing can scare them—nothing, that is, except one terrifying little word: Parents!
Suddenly, the bravery and courage melt. Whispering the word parents around a youth worker is like handing a suitcase full of kryptonite to Superman.
Some youth workers continue to have an unfortunate fear of parents; but what if in doing so we are undercutting one of our biggest ministry allies?
Here’s a quick multiple choice test that can help you gauge your parental fear level. Parents are:
a) The people I need to keep happy.
b) An interesting side excursion from my real ministry to teenagers.
c) An unfortunate byproduct in childbearing.
d) The best opportunity our ministry has in reaching unchurched kids in our community.
Although I haven’t always felt this way, my answer is D. Smart youth workers will recognize the value of this currency for reaching kids and families who don’t know Christ.
It All Starts on the Bleachers
Today, many thousands of adult conversations will happen in the number one social venue of today’s American parents. Those conversations will happen on the bleachers while parents talk to other parents and watch their kids participate in athletics, music, drama or other activities.
What if some of this bleacher talk could be about your church, organization or youth ministry?
Make no mistake: Potential life-changing decisions will be made on the bleachers. Should I let my kids go to that church’s camp? Do I trust the adults who are working with the kids there? What are they really teaching kids?
The following is a sample of the decision power of bleacher talk:
“I’m guessing you’ve probably heard the soccer program sponsored by the city is really hurting,” one mom told another. They’d known each other about four weeks since their daughters started swimming together and struck up a friendship.
“No, I didn’t know that. I heard they had a good soccer program. What happened?”
“The coaches they’ve hired this year aren’t really that good with kids,” she answered. “My friend Jill even said they yelled at her daughter last week for being late. She felt terrible.”
“That’s too bad. I guess we’ll have to find something else for Allie to do this year.”
The value of parents’ opinions expressed on the bleachers is priceless. More than any brochure you develop, program you create or parent meeting you host, the vibe parents get from other parents on the bleachers will determine perception of your ministry; and those perceptions will influence decisions.
Now, imagine the following conversation happening about your ministry:
“The stuff they do with middle school kids at that church is really amazing,” one mom said to another.
“We don’t really do the church thing,” replied her friend. “We’ve just never gotten in that habit as a family.”
“My family was the same way, but my kids love going,” the first mom continued. “The friendships they’ve made there are so healthy, and the adult leaders are the type of people I want my kids to be around.”
“What’s so good about it?”
“I like that my kids are plugged in with good friends, good role models and a safe place they actually want to be.”
The good word of a parent to another parent is your number one tool for evangelism. Unsolicited, unfiltered thoughts about what is good (or not good) for kids determine family decisions during bleacher talk. Any youth worker who experiences a thrill at the idea of more kids meeting and embracing Jesus Christ will take this opportunity seriously.
Strategies for Shaping Bleacher Talk
What if you were intentional about helping shape bleacher talk? It takes time, possibly years, to build a buzz among parents that points to your ministry. It doesn’t happen by accident.
Here are three thoughts for influencing bleacher talk:
1) Revisit your views about parents.
If you scored high on the fear quotient on my multiple choice quiz earlier, take a look at your attitudes. Some youth workers see parents as their number one ally in reaching kids who currently do not know Jesus Christ. These parents have control over bleacher talk. How will you communicate with them in light of this reality?
2) Cast a vision for parents.
If key parents see themselves as owning the vital role in helping shape bleacher talk, what might happen? Share this article with a select few parents you trust and who have a heart for kids who may not know Jesus yet.
3) Listen to parents’ ideas and concerns about your ministry.
I once invited a mom to come to our ministry and give me her honest opinion of our activities. “It was great,” she said afterward, “except the game where the kid ended up throwing up.”
I was 23 and convinced that barf-inducing games were a requirement in youth ministry. It wasn’t until a few years later—when I began to agree with her that our ministry should have the reputation of truly taking parents and their thoughts seriously—that our ministry actually grew.
How to Poison Bleacher Talk
Unfortunately, it’s far easier to kill your reputation on the bleachers than it is to build it. Ironically, some of the things we do in the name of reaching unchurched kids are sabotaging our efforts.
A good friend just purchased the violent video game Call of Duty to play with his middle schoolers at church. “We want to reach out to kids who wouldn’t normally come to church,” he said. “They are playing it anyway. We should do it with them.”
We are all familiar with the logic of using things of the world to reach kids. Jesus came to be a part of our world. So, in promoting Call of Duty with a pack of middle school boys, aren’t we theologically living out the incarnation in the lives of teenagers by participating in what they are doing?
Here’s the problem: Setting aside theological issues you might have with violent video games and engaging in such activities actually undermines the hope of reaching unchurched kids when it becomes the subject of bleacher talk. In this case, one of the church’s elders (who also happened to have kids in the ministry) was upset. She had worked hard to prevent her kids from becoming desensitized to violence and now mistrusted the church’s youth ministry leadership. Not only had this youth worker hurt his bleacher talk, he had hurt the trust of church leadership, too.
Ironically, the very thing he thought would help reach out to unchurched kids reaped negative consequences. He not only was killing opposing soldiers on Call of Duty, he was killing positive bleacher talk and losing the trust of his top evangelists.
As you consider how God might use you to reach out to kids who don’t know Jesus Christ, imagine the incredible power a unified, enthusiastic parent base would have in that goal.
As you begin to see the benefits of positive bleacher talk, any fear you might have harbored of parents will be replaced with the joy of seeing unchurched kids become a part of your ministry.
