In 1987, my world came apart! After years of pouring my life into the church and into the lives of students, I was left feeling abandoned by those who I thought always would be there for me. The healing took years. Part of the process was recognizing my own naivety and mistakes.
My father pastored a relatively large church in Minneapolis, where he had served for 20 years. For the last eight of those years, I served as the youth pastor. I loved investing my energy and passion into the lives of students and families. In 1987, my father was removed from ministry for a history of abusing adolescent boys. We were stunned, church and family members. Dad went to jail. Families were devastated. The church was crushed. Pain, disbelief and anger were everywhere.
In those days, I learned something that still troubles me today. The church does not know how to deal with sin. It does not know how to deal with victims of sin, bystanders affected by the sin or the perpetrators of the sin. Too often the church simply wants the sin, pain and problems to go away so we can get back to our “Christian activities” and what I have come to call our “artificial harmony.” It pains me that the secular world often can be more caring than the church. Obviously that is not true of all congregations, but it is of some.
My story may be extreme, but many in youth ministry find themselves feeling beat up, rejected and abandoned. The Schaeffer Institute polled more than 1,000 Christian leaders and found that 78 percent had been forced to resign from a church at least once and 63 percent had been forced to resign at least twice.
For most of us in ministry, we will face this type of crisis at least once. Like many others, I was not prepared. I have learned much since 1987. Now I spend my days working with amazing, compassionate people who have hit the wall in one way or another.
How to Survive
Four principles have been burned into my heart and soul. First, we need a clear perspective on reality. Among Jesus’ last words to His disciples were these: “In this world you will have trouble” (
Second, build a deep intimacy with the Lord. Do you know what is the first thing to go when we get busy? Time with the Lord. Do you know the most important thing in your life, especially when things get difficult? Time with the Lord. Do not be deceived, when pain, rejection and abandonment come, the depth of your intimacy with the Lord will make all the difference.
Third, hold on tightly to your calling. Know your calling! Be sure of it, because when the darkness comes and you wonder if you can survive, it will be your calling to which you hold most tightly.
Finally, build strong relationships with a mentor and a group of key friends. Take the time necessary to find and develop the core people in your life. Invest in deep relationships. Do not neglect this crucial part of your spiritual journey. Do you have friends with whom your relationship runs so deep that when crises come, they do, too?
There will be wonderful times in life and ministry, but do not forget Jesus’ words: “In this world you will have trouble.” Expect it. Be ready for it. Above all else, know the Lord is with you!
