When the game is on the line, you don’t want mistakes.

In baseball, we call it a dropped ball. In football, it’s a botched kick or missed field goal. Basketball analysts refer to the shot “rimming in and out” at the buzzer.

When youth workers have a turnover in ministry, we have a phrase for the loss: feeling guilty. For the sake of clarity, a fumble in this article refers to our inability to help teens and families win.

The guilt I am speaking of isn’t for personal or moral failure; rather it’s trying to change the course of a student or parent’s lifestyle of poor choices, and their world continuing to implode and unravel, spiraling out of control. We feel the sting of thoughts such as:
“Why did this happen?”
“We should have been more___.”
“How could God___?”

In a matter of minutes, the emotions come as waves of disbelief, self-reproach, denial and uncertainty. Initially, these feelings seem normal, but left unchecked they can become an enemy of our souls. This angst raises some questions I’ve been wondering about as it relates to feeling guilty.

1. What’s the difference in feeling guilty and being convicted?
Guilt is an unleashing, brutal reaction when we believe we have let someone down or violated some spoken or nonverbal standard. The voice of guilt says, “I wish I had___could have___should have___.” Guilt can lead down a road of misery. Feelings of hurt, doubt and remorse detour us to a Messiahlike complex, wishing we could alter humanity.

Being convicted, however, is different because it’s a work of the Holy Spirit. God comes as Teacher, Advocate and Helper and allows us to see and have ownership that, “Yes, I made some mistakes, missed some cues, didn’t navigate the warning signs; but ultimately I leave the role of Savior, Healer, Rescuer, Redeemer and Forgiver to God, not me.”

2. Where does the road of guilt lead us?
Guilt has a way of navigating us to believe “this highway has no end” with few safe exit ramps and many demanding tolls. This long and winding road can lead us to bitterness, regrets and shame. Guilt can become a debilitating journey in which we inflict emotional pain upon ourselves.

King David in Psalm 32:3 said, “When I kept silent, my bones wasted away through my groaning all day long.” Guilt is invasive and relentless, wearing us out emotionally, spiritually and physically. Feeling guilty seems to have no closure.

3. What’s the remedy for guilty feelings?
The Bible says we all are fallen and broken (Rom. 3:23) and no matter how hard we seek to help other broken people, we at times will succeed and other times fail. We all have limitations. I will not always be available to students and families. I am neither omnipresent nor omniscient.

God is.

So how do you handle guilt? How do you process it? Do you beat yourself up? Satan, the devil, is named appropriately “the accuser of the brethren” and will hit us as punching bags if we allow him to continue (Rev. 12:10).

What is the solution? Take a detour off the road of feeling guilty. Jump on the road of grace, which has a large sign:
TAKE THE PRESSURE OFF YOURSELF. GOD CHANGES LIVES, YOU AND I DO NOT. WE ARE NOT RESPONSIBLE FOR HOW PEOPLE TURN OUT. WE ARE ONLY VESSELS. JARS OF CLAY.

King David, who knew the damaging detour of guilt, rejoiced after surrendering his broken heart to God by saying, “And You forgave me of my guilt” (Ps. 32:5).

Let go of the soul killer, guilt. You are a child of God, forgiven and free. Ask God to help you start this detour process today.

David Olshine is director and professor of Youth Ministry, Family and Culture at Columbia International University in South Carolina. He is the author of Youth Ministry: What’s Gone Wrong and How to Get it Right (Abingdon Press) and upcoming Studies on the Go: James, 1-2 Peter and 1-3 John (Zondervan/YS).