In the movie Gravity, Dr. Ryan Stone (Sandra Bullock) on her first shuttle mission says while spacewalking, “The silence. I could get used to it.”
Honestly, I never have been a big fan of silence. Bible verses such as, “Be still and know that I am God,” have not come easily for me. In fact, stillness and solitude have been an enticing idea but not my greatest spiritual strength.
Prayer is the oxygen for the soul.
Maybe that is why I have been suffocating on the inside for the past few months. I neither was panting nor thirsting after God as described by King David. It’s a new year, so I decided to take action.
I did not want to do it, but sensed I needed it, “it” referring to a two-day prayer retreat.
My annual trip had dissipated into an every-four-year getaway, so it was time to move. My friends offered me their lake house; I was excited, nervous and not exactly sure what to do or how to spend my time. Was I supposed to start off in silence or take a nap? I cracked open my Bible and my journal and started reading, “Do not be foolish, but understand what the Lord’s will is…”
I started to think out loud (Plus, I like to talk to myself): “Perhaps this is a year of being teachable, to learn from others, to submit to one another. Do I believe I have experienced all that God has for me? No way.”
I tried to settle down. I prayed for my soul. “Lord, help me stop trying so hard to connect with You, and teach me to rest in You.”
The day was sunny, so I took a walk in the woods, and another quote from Gravity came to my head. Sandra Bullock, thinking she would die in space said, “I mean, I’d pray for myself, but I’ve never prayed—nobody ever taught me how.”
I felt the same way. “I don’t know how to pray.” Prayer seems simple, but is complex. So I headed to the dock on the lake to listen, ponder and enjoy the beauty of the day. I chose to spend an hour or so and not request anything from God. I sat and watched the water ripple, the sun emerging out of the clouds, birds and seagulls flying, trees blowing in a slight wind—all movement, glorious slow movement.
I am here to get quiet, reflect, to reconnect with God because my soul had entered spiritual hypoxia.
On day two, I started much of my time singing (glad I was alone) and praising God for the simplest of things. After several hours, I found myself becoming restless again, being the doer that I am, wishing the time would hurry up, that God would speak loudly, that I would be transformed in a matter of minutes.
I again was thinking, “I don’t know if I know how to pray.”
Three Realities of the Retreat Experience
First, there is the uncomfortable power of solitude. I knelt. I prayed. I read parts of Genesis, Psalms and the gospels. I rested. The most redeeming times were sitting outside in silence and taking walks. I remembered Jacob’s words in
Second, intentionality is vital to spending time with God. In the same way I am purposeful about being a husband, father, professor and mentor, so intentionality is crucial in my setting aside time with God. My time with God must be planned, or it’s not going to happen.
Third, doing comes out of being. When I left the retreat, my mantra was, “Slow it down, Olshine.” This is hard for me, because I am driven as are many others in ministry to “do, go, more, more, more.” I am a human being, not a human doing.
It was a retreat I didn’t really want, but truly needed.
David Olshine is professor and director of the Youth Ministry, Family and Culture Program at Columbia International University in Columbia, South Carolina. David is the author of the new book Youth Ministry: What’s Gone Wrong and How to Get It Right (Abingdon Press, 2013) and co-founder of Youth Ministry Coaches.
