How often does your soul need collaboration?

We need other people’s ideas, wisdom and discernment in order to be balanced and whole. No one can go solo with much success. Yet, if we get too many voices speaking into our lives, it can become quite confusing. The dilemma is: With whom do we collaborate, knowing that someone is going to be left out? Chances are you have been overlooked in an important decision, leaving you feeling deflated and devalued.

This situation happened to me recently. I was asked to lead an event on a 24-deadline, and I involved three others in the collaborative process. There was one person, however, who was offended by not being included and angrily confronted me.

Have you ever been the confronter or the confronted?

Those left out will accuse you of being a poor leader because you did not collaborate with them.

I apologized to the individual and let her know if she had any other ideas to submit them. At this point, I knew there was no win/win scenario, and I had to do the best I could for the venue. The person was left out of the collaborative process, therefore hurt and vocal.

I came away from this experience with some thoughts for future collaborations.

First, the selection of individuals is difficult. Remember, Jesus initially chose only 12 followers to be by His side, not 14, 28 or 36. He did not choose the major players of the Sanhedrin or the top dogs of the Pharisees or Sadducees. His collaboration was very small, specific and strategic.

Second, prayer is essential in passing the leadership baton. Luke 11 records that Jesus, spent all night in prayer before He selected His apprentices. He chose men who would live with him for three years, witness His crucifixion, and join Him for some fish following His resurrection. The best collaboration is ignited by prayer.

Third, some will be sad and/or mad by not being invited into the inner circle. Jesus told the parables of the lost coin, lost sheep and lost son in Luke 15. The younger son took his father’s money and split, spent all his dough and returned home penniless. The father was so thrilled his son returned home that he threw a party. The elder brother of the prodigal felt left out, so he whined and complained. Someone always will feel left out of the process.

Fourth, you cannot please or involve everyone. Matthew 15:1-2 records, “Some Pharisees and teachers of the law came to Jesus from Jerusalem and asked, ‘Why do Your disciples break the tradition of the elders? They don’t wash their hands before they eat!'” The teachers of the Torah were upset, making pejorative statements about Jesus’ 12. The Pharisee’s were mad at Jesus for two reasons: Everything Christ did was different from their traditions; and they were hurt that Jesus made decisions without their approval or input.

Fifth, trust takes time. Jesus actually had one disciple who turned out to be a traitor, Judas Iscariot. There will be people you invite into the collaborative circle who will be with you through thick and thin; there also will be at least one who will throw you under the bus. Make sure as you collaborate that you have a Peter, James and John you can trust.

Involving others is complicated. Sometimes you will forget to invite a particular person to the table; or the immediacy of some event will not allow you the time, space or place to get 10 opinions. Sometimes, all we can do is ask others for feedback, pray about the situation, and trust God and jump in the water.

Recognize the whole community of faith cannot be involved, and eventually someone will be left out.