Have you ever been hurt by the church? If you’re a youth worker, chances are you either have been or will be in the future. I just hope you don’t experience what I went through. Or…perhaps I do.

Church hurts come in many shapes and sizes, including staff conflicts, trouble with parents, church politics, difficulties with the senior pastor/supervisor, lack of support, contract issues and gossip.

After I was hurt by a church and was sobbing on the cold tile floor of my bathroom, I cried out to God, but I couldn’t feel His presence.

Four years later, I had moved several states away and begun a new ministry position. Still, geography alone wasn’t enough to heal my wounds. Worse, my relationship with God had hit an all-time low.

I always thought I’d had a strong faith, and I always told my students God would be right there with them in their pain, comforting them with His strength. However, as I tried to summon a sense of God’s love each week before youth group, I felt as if I were living a lie.

I had hoped recovery would take just a few months, and then I would sense God’s loving presence again. That didn’t happen. Instead, God began a process of growth in me that was longer and more painful than I could imagine.

Directing My Path
After a year of struggles, I sought the help of a spiritual director, even though I worried I wasn’t cut out for sitting in silence for hours in a room filled with incense, waiting to hear God’s voice.

I also had convinced myself I didn’t have time to work on my own soul. I was too busy working on programs to try to impress my new church.

Despite these fears, I began to meet with my spiritual director once a month for prayer and conversation. Even when I couldn’t feel His presence, God would show us a new area where He was working in my life. My spiritual director pointed out places where God answered our prayers and led me into new ways of seeing God in my everyday life where I hadn’t stopped to see Him before.

The experience also helped me to open the painful places and allow God to heal them. It gave me someone who would validate my story and remind me Jesus Himself went through pain and rejection. God would lead me through a painful journey from blame and hurt to realizing things I needed to work on in my own life. He wanted to heal my pain so I could reach out to my students with a sympathetic ear to their pain.

Connecting with Peers
I also learned to lean into other youth workers. I developed a support network in which we shared our stories of hurt and modeled the love of Christ for each other. I realized I wasn’t alone in my hurt. In fact, most youth workers I know have been hurt by the church in some way or another. Connecting with them has been one of the best things I’ve done during my time in ministry.

Have you been hurt by the church in a way that shattered your world, challenged your faith and made you question your sense of God’s love and calling? If you’re like me, you may look for a quick fix—a new Bible study or prayer exercise that will bring you back to the place you were with God.

I hope these things help; but if they don’t, God may be using this time as a period of personal growth in which He transforms your pain into new depths of faith.
It will be hard, it will hurt, and you may not understand it at the time. You may never get back to the same place you were with God. Instead, you may end up at a completely new place in your faith.

The important thing is to keep seeking Him. Find the help and direction you need. Try a spiritual director, connect with other youth workers, and keep praying even when you can’t hear God’s voice.