As a youth leader, you’re unlikely to face anything that frightens you as much as a student who is considering suicide. Ultimately, your job is simple—to persuade the teenager to get professional help. However, reality is often more  complex. The first thing to do is learn to detect the presence of suicidal thoughts. Many teenagers will tell you directly they’re thinking about suicide. For others, you’ll have to know the warning signs.

Teenagers experiencing this kind of emotional pain may communicate it verbally, although perhaps in a disguised way. The types of verbal warnings may include comments that life isn’t worth the effort, that there are no solutions to problems, that others would be “better off” if the person wasn’t around or that the student may take revenge by hurting him or herself.

Sometimes a suicide attempt is impulsive, but sometimes it isn’t; and the person begins to plan for it. The student may begin to give away personal items, plan a suicide note or engage in dangerous activities, such as increasing alcohol and drug use. Other signs include dramatic mood changes, intense anxiety or signs of depression. If the person has begun to develop a plan, he or she is at high risk for suicide.

What To Do
When there is an immediate threat of suicide, the first step is to ensure the student gets the help needed to be safe.

Stay calm, take a deep breath and pray. Ask the student directly, “Are you thinking about committing suicide?” Many people hesitate to ask this question because they’re concerned that it will offend the person or will plant the idea in his or her mind. This is a myth. You’re more likely to communicate genuine concern and that you understand the seriousness of the situation. This question also will help you determine if the student has a specific plan.

Take the problem seriously and express your concern. Never doubt the student actually is considering suicide. Instead, assure him or her that you will be supportive in this crisis. Listen carefully without judgment or criticism. Get help immediately. If your student is willing to get help, take him or her to the local emergency room or mental health center. If your student is not willing to get help, call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline (1.800.273-TALK) or 911.

Counseling Tips
Once you have helped your student engage in professional help, your job is to support the professional services your student is receiving. Your contributions may include any of the following:

• Openly communicate about suicidal feelings. Your student will need to talk about these feelings with someone besides a counselor. Don’t be afraid to ask if he or she is continuing to have suicidal thoughts. You won’t be planting these thoughts if they aren’t already there.

• Follow up. Agree to meet with the student individually or with the family. You can ask open-ended questions about how the student is doing in different aspects of his or her life, as well as how the therapy is going.

• Involve the student in activities. Do what you can to integrate the student as soon as possible into the scheduled activities of your ministry again. This will help decrease the student’s isolation and give him or her some pro-social activities to anticipate.

Group Tips
Create a welcoming atmosphere in your ministry. Train your leaders and volunteers in practical welcoming tactics, such as using the S.A.L.T. acronym. S: Where to do you go to school? A: What activities are you involved in? L: What do you do in your leisure time (or for fun)? T: Take your new friend and introduce him or her to some one else who starts the process all over again.

Never promise to keep secrets. Be candid with your students about confidentiality. Instead of promising to keep secrets for students, remind them you’ll focus on their best interests at all times.

Build relationships, not a program. As youth workers, we need to worry less about our lessons and more about the relationships we build with students. These relationships will help your students feel connected, which removes the isolation that leads to suicidal behavior.

Pray together. In the student’s emotional state, he or she may have difficulty perceiving God as loving and benevolent. You may need to model God’s love for your student until he or she is able to connect with God again.

If the worst happens and a student commits suicide, don’t let guilt destroy you. You may question everything you said and did. Don’t blame yourself for the person’s death. Don’t let guilt stop you from supporting the other teenagers and leaders in your group. Seek a professional counselor if you feel that would help you in the grieving process.

Grieve with your group. Don’t be afraid to express your own feelings; this may model a healthy way of grieving to others.

Be aware of how you discuss the event. Avoid sensationalistic, detailed descriptions of the means of suicide; don’t give a simplistic picture of why the person may have committed this act. Don’t discuss the event in ways that could glorify the suicidal act. Present clear facts and encourage discussion about students’ feelings.

What Not To Say
I dare you to do it. Don’t laugh—this happens, and people who say it are usually well-intentioned. People think they’ll call the person’s bluff by essentially telling him or her to do it. This is a bad idea. In the person’s hopeless state of mind, it may be further evidence that he or she isn’t valued.

Suicide is a sin. The last thing the hurting student needs is an intellectual or theological debate. Instead, he or she probably is craving someone who can be there emotionally. You can be far more helpful if you work hard to empathize with your student and convince him or her to seek professional help.

What to Say
Let us be hopeful for you until you’re ready to be hopeful again. This implies several important things. First, it communicates that everyone is going to be there to support the student. Second, it says you understand how hopeless your student feels right now. Third, it communicates you’re confident your teenager will emerge from this and be hopeful again.

What can I do to help? This question communicates that you genuinely care for the student. It will dispel the false belief that no one cares enough to reach out. You also don’t impose your own ideas about what would be helpful, but you allow the student’s unique needs to guide you. An important thing to remember: If you make this offer, be sure you’re ready to back it up, regardless of the time and effort required!