Imagine finding a place where your youth ministry group go every day to hang out and have fun. It’s easy to get to and provides an atmosphere where kids are relaxed, open, even eager to talk about themselves and things that matter. The best thing is you don’t have to raise extra money to build this hang-out or clean up after all the kids have gone.

Sound like a youthworker’s dream? It’s no dream. Welcome to the virtual world of IM — instant messaging — offered by a number of online providers.

IM has become one of the most common ways for young people to hang out. According to the 2005 Pew Internet Research Project, two-thirds of all American teenagers use instant messaging. That’s a lot of kids. If you haven’t yet found a buddy and signed on, you may be missing the biggest thing to impact teenage relationship-building since the malt shop.

Instant messaging is a free online tool that allows users to engage in real-time conversations. The granddaddy is AOL Instant Messenger, but there are versions from Microsoft Windows and Yahoo! among many others. The buddy feature lets everyone on someone’s “buddy list” know when each person has signed on. That means kids can “hang out” without ever leaving home.

Kewl Old Dudes, Too
In a recent survey, youthworkers from across the country shared some of the ways they have used IM in their ministries. “It doesn’t take much time,” says one youth pastor. “I just hop on once or twice a week and find out how things are going. My kids really like it because it shows them I was thinking about them — plus they think I’m a real kewl old dude!”

Youthworkers who IM also describe how it can provide a gateway to deeper relationships. The silly online conversations can actually make kids more comfortable than talking with a youth worker face to face. The computer seems to create a safe space where young people feel more willing to open up and share. “I have kids who will open up big-time online who would never talk to me face to face,” says an IM’ing youth pastor. “They’re much more open to talk about spiritual things when they don’t have to look me in the eye.” IM can help build those all-important relational foundations.

Misbehaving And Misunderstanding
While IM holds enormous opportunities, it also holds lots of challenges. For instance, it would be naïve to think that all IM’ers behave well online. The anonymous aspect of online communication means that kids will deceive, will forward on private conversations or will behave in surprisingly inappropriate ways.

Youth workers should just expect it. We should also expect misunderstanding. According to online youth workers, sarcasm can kill a conversation. A humorous little scolding can come across like a huge confrontation. A supportive comment can come across like an intimate advance. Be wise and be aware of the potential problems a digital conversation can generate.

Another word of advice from online youth workers is to set limits. IM can suck up precious ministry time. Don’t be afraid to sign off when time is up. Be sensitive to how IM can blur the boundaries between work and home — especially if you IM at home.

Finally, know when to move an online conversation offline. Some conversations, especially ones filled with raw teenage emotion, can be much more effective face to face.  

Sometimes, there is simply no replacement for a supportive smile or an encouraging hug.

Instant messaging is a tool. It needs to be used intentionally and wisely. It may not be for everyone, but it just may be the tool you need to meet kids where they are in a way that uniquely ministers to the high-tech teenage heart.

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Peggy Kendall, Ph.D., is an associate professor in the Communication Studies Department at Bethel University in St. Paul, Minnesota.