Many groups have good intentions to create a safe place for people, but they develop practices that undermine this goal. Unsafe environments take on many different forms and basically are places where people are not free to be themselves. Following are some specific ways this is manifested.

The group that wants to fix people: In such experiences, there are people who want to help others get beyond their pain or struggle. Instead of letting an individual come to a place of self-discovery, they want to identify their problems and explain how they can change.

The group that forces people: In the name of sharing and being transparent, this kind of group sets an expectation that people will share their struggle even if they don’t feel comfortable doing so. Such forced transparency undermines the hope for openness.

The group that has the right answers: This kind of group is usually a Bible study-focused group that highly values digging into the meaning within Scripture. An attitude of right and wrong can develop, and often two or three people will dominate the conversation. They think they are doing the right thing by providing the right information, but actually they are causing hearts to close.

The group that has it all together: The thought that Christian maturity means the absence of personal struggle or weakness can suck the life out of a group. Conversations will not go deeper than the surface because people won’t risk sharing the truth about their life.

Practice Lessons
All of these examples of unsafe spaces have something in common: trying to get the group experience right. They have a set of expectations and a dream of what the group should look like, and those expectations are what undermine the safety. Safety cannot be forced or manufactured; it is too alive and dynamic. Safety only can be cultivated similar to growing a garden. We cannot force a plant to grow; we only can create an environment that allows it to develop.