Steve could hear his seventh grade boys laughing while he prayed.

When he opened his eyes, he discovered what was so funny. Tim, a “spirited” middle schooler, was standing over a trashcan—urinating. Tim and his friends acted more like frat boys than middle schoolers, but somehow Steve remained patient.

Thank God he did.

Tim’s family history included divorce, drug abuse and jail time. Steve was the only consistent adult in Tim’s life. Steve’s patience slowly drew Tim to Jesus.

What makes volunteers like Steve so effective while others struggle or quit? Is it giftedness? Personality? Something else?

I decided to ask them. I interviewed Steve and other exceptional volunteers from all over the country—spanning demographics—to find common traits to help recruit, train and encourage more leaders like Steve. These are not just “good” leaders. These volunteers have an exceptional history of God using them.

The interviews showed seven common traits:

1Great Volunteers Practice Remarkable Relational Intentionality
It’s no secret that meaningful relationships between kids and adults are what God often uses to transform lives. These great volunteers take the art of building relationships to a higher level. “It’s easy to talk about getting to know kids,” said one volunteer, “but it takes discipline and perseverance to actually do it.”

These volunteers practice great intentionality in getting to know kids. They are busy people who have discovered how to involve kids in what they do—including hobbies, meals and even errands. Some go to greater lengths. “We decided the best way to impact these kids would be to move into their neighborhood,” said Jorun Kaufman, who moved his family into inner-city Kansas City to be near the kids he works with.

Moving might be an extraordinary example, but all of these leaders have significantly altered their lives to minister to kids and families.

Volunteers report it took an average of nine months to build trusting relationships with middle schoolers—that included almost weekly interaction outside of the ministry’s “programmed time.” They are patient, diligent and genuine.

2 Great Volunteers See Parents as Partners
These volunteers know they cannot fully understand kids unless they know their parents.

“The parents often tell me stuff about their kids that gives me insight into their worlds,” said Angel McQueen, a volunteer in Michigan. “It helps me have patience.”

On a practical level, these volunteers think differently about the time they spend with kids in order to develop relationships with kids and parents. An example would be attending events where the kids are involved and the parents are present. These volunteers support the kids while intentionally meeting and spending time with their parents. This more inclusive view of youth ministry has surprising results.

Bill Fairbanks, an eight-year volunteer at Lake Avenue Church in Pasadena, Calif., recently experienced the result of his care for the whole family. “I realized this year I had forgotten how to interact with my son,” a middle schooler’s dad told him. “I have rediscovered that relationship by watching you interact with him.”

3Great Volunteers Have Not Been Intentionally Trained
Intentional training is lacking—at least in these volunteers’ opinions. Very few leaders ever have received any sort of training on youth culture, the nature of adolescence, working with parents, leading a small group, etc.

“I know how middle school was for me, and I operate out of that experience,” said John Girdler, a volunteer in Cincinnati. “I don’t know half of what I should know about kids, their families and how to reach them.”

Every leader expressed a desire to be trained, but they are fearful training will be theoretical and time-consuming instead of practical.

“I wish I knew more about kids and ministry,” said one leader, “but all we do in our leader meetings is talk business.”

Even the best leaders have had to learn intuitively and believe their ministries would be stronger with intentional training.

4Great Volunteers Exhibit Three Common Personality Traits
Have you ever wondered if personality plays a role in the making of successful volunteers? Are extraverts more effective?

“I would be surprised to find commonalities,” said Scott Rubin, junior high pastor at Willow Creek Community Church. “I believe God uses all kinds of people.”

The volunteers took the IPIP-NEO PI-R™ personality test. This exam tests 35 traits and is a great tool to acquire personality data. The results show Rubin is right. God uses those who are organized, disorganized, confident, self-conscious, extraverts, introverts, intellects and otherwise.

However, there are three similar traits. Volunteers must be:

HIGH on Sympathy—This trait is associated with people who “care for those ‘weaker’ than they” and “value cooperation over competition.”

HIGH on Agreeableness—Being high in agreeableness is associated with the relational ability to “put people at ease” and “accept people as they are.”

LOW on Anger—These are people who are not “easily annoyed, seldom loose their cool and don’t complain.” A score of low anger and high agreeableness predicts patience—a key trait.

5Great Volunteers Discover Roles that Fit Them Perfectly
Great volunteers have a supervisor who finds a role that fits them perfectly. These leaders have longevity and passion because their strengths are being utilized. Their gifts define their role—not a strict “job description.”

“You need to have a ‘plan’ that is clear,” said Vincent Mo, a volunteer in Irvine, Calif., “but not so detailed that it is like a job.” These leaders merge everyday life with ministry. For instance, one volunteer leads a group of kids who attend the school near where he works, making it easy to bring them lunch. Strategic choices were made (or just “happened”) that allowed volunteers to frequently “bump into” kids because their lives overlap.

6Great Volunteers Seek to Build a Caring Network of Adults
Great volunteers not only partner with parents, but they seek out ways to involve other adults, as well.

I asked these leaders, “Who influenced you the most in your faith in Jesus?” The consistent response was: “There were many adults—not just one.” A broad range of adults impacted the leaders themselves, and this perspective affects their approach to involving other adults in ministry.

“My friends helped build my faith,” said Brittney Corrado-Tate, a college student and volunteer, “but looking back, it was a lot of adults who made Jesus real for me.”

Great leaders are not “Lone Rangers.” They are not seeking the “glory” of being idolized by kids. There is no “territoriality” in these leaders—they welcome co-leadership and forge bonds between kids and other adults at every opportunity.

7Great Volunteers Have Received Great Encouragement from Youth Staff
Volunteers consistently mentioned they have been encouraged deeply by someone on the staff of the church or organization. Whether it was the youth pastor or someone else, great leaders have been told they are great.

“When you affirm leaders it becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy,” said one volunteer. “You have to buy into leaders as you expect them to buy into kids.”

Working with teenagers often does not seem to bear fruit. These interviews showed the importance of encouragement in a ministry that can be frustrating and require great patience. “Leading can be draining,” added Clark Berngard, a six-year volunteer. “We need to be taken out to lunch a lot.”