This paper investigates the key areas of spiritual mentoring using the definition formed in Dr. Dave Sanders mentoring class at Judson University. The definition says that spiritual mentoring is an intentional relationship, spiritually focused, in which one individual is empowered toward the purposes of God through the investment and life experiences of another as they journey together. From this definition, the aspects of quality spiritual mentoring are explored. The value added to spiritual mentoring by multi-generational spiritual mentors with a variety of life experiences is also investigated and found to be a positive pursuit within spiritual mentoring that is applicable to individuals involved with mentoring, as well as ministries that utilize mentoring principals. Most of the background for this paper has been inductively learned through practical mentoring experience. Most of the research for this paper is from books on Christian mentoring and spiritual formation, as well as journal articles from Christian Education Journal, Journal of Youth Ministry and Christian Scholar’s Review.
Introduction
“As iron sharpens iron, so one man sharpens another” (
Scripture encourages the networking of people; for the wise to walk with the wise (
Quality Support: Working Through the Definition
The first aspect of spiritual mentoring that will be inspected is the need for quality in the support found within a mentoring relationship and what that entails. As in our definition, there are several key areas of spiritual mentoring we will investigate.
• Intentional Relationships: The first area that we will investigate will be that of having intentional relationship within spiritual mentoring. Quality mentoring merits having a relationship where the mentor and mentee seek one another out, as they are involved with the circumstances in each other’s lives. They are purposeful in spending time with one another — a valuable mentoring relationship has an appreciated “withness” and presence between the mentor and mentee. This withness incorporates and generates communication, accountability, reciprocity and analysis when it is done with intentionality.
Hopefully it seems obvious that a one-on-one mentoring relationship requires communication, but it must not be overlooked. The willingness and openness of a quality mentoring relationship is built on the foundation of communication. In the beginning stages of a mentoring relationship, simply talking about anything is positive; but for a worthwhile mentoring bond to birth, conversations must go deeper, fears need to be shared, visions conveyed, pain expressed, jokes told, passions portrayed and goals stated. None of these will happen without intentional communication, and without intentional communication quality mentorships will not grow.
Another facet of quality mentoring that having presence in relationships produces is accountability — “it is the task of the mentor to keep the mentee accountable by assigning growth measures in timely progression” (Anderson Reese, 1999, p. 128). Accountability demands some level of involvement and presence in one’s life. Having intentional relationship in terms of accountability means being in the midst of the struggle; having difficult conversations because the tough questions are asked. Rarely does such dialogue occur without intentionality.
• Another key element of intentional relationships is the concept of reciprocity; there is no such reality of a one-sided relationship. There is always a give-and-take between people in association with one another. The degree to which this takes place is what determines the depth and interaction of a relationship. The more a mentor is willing to give to the mentee the more the mentee is willing to give to the mentor. Within an intentional mentoring relationship, it is imperative that the mentor and mentee are willing to demonstrate areas of their character and brokenness.
• The last area within intentional relationships is one of analysis. Purposeful relationship begets that the mentor and mentee know one another. Much will be intentionally shared about each individual in the mentoring process, but both mentor and mentee must also ascertain much about the other. There is a level of understanding that we are not able to comprehend about ourselves that we need assistance in discovering; this is why intentional relationships within spiritual mentoring ought to be analytical.
Spiritual Focus
Within our definition, the next aspect we need delve into is that of spiritual focus. In order to have excellence within spiritual mentoring, there must be a focus toward spiritual formation and growth. This spiritual formation and growth will include the elements of discipline, challenge, edification and transformation.
One of the building blocks for our being spiritually nurtured is that of discipline, training that is done to ensure proper behavior. Whether this is done between the mentor and mentee or individually it is essential to spiritual growth. The challenge of this area is not to let it become mundane and boring old news, which is why this fits so well into a mentoring relationship; as the relationship grows discipline, it provides a common ground to grow together spiritually. It is also essential to encourage depth within spiritual discipline. There is nothing wrong with prayer and Bible study, but there is an arena of various elements one can incorporate into spiritual discipline: fasting, meditation, solitude, silence, worship, remembrance, service and celebration to name a few. If there is one caution to discipline, that is: Don’t settle for where you have been. Rather, be willing to go farther. Building this foundation of discipline will assist and improve other mentoring ventures, especially those within the arena of spiritual focus.
Within the context of spiritual mentoring, it is fundamental for there to be an element of being challenged. It is important that one is willing to test new ideas or concepts that are not fully agreed upon or need further clarification. It is also important when one sees an area for growth to issue a challenge to grow in that area. Change is going to happen within a person in time; but to ensure that change is positive, mentors must be willing to guide and direct their mentees by challenging them where they are.
Another key element to having spiritual focus within a mentoring relationship is that of edification, where the mentor and mentee seek to enlighten and encourage one another spiritually in their Christian journey. This is an important element within the concept of reciprocity discussed earlier as it pertains to having intentional relationships. There will be more of a focus and expectation for the mentee to be edified by the mentor; but for a quality mentor relationship to exist, both people involved should be built up. Edification when done intentionally and consistently will result in transformation, the last element of this section.
Lastly, within a spiritually focused mentoring relationship, there needs to be pursuit of transformation in Christ. This is truly the goal within spiritual mentoring. All the elements and pursuits of mentoring should be aimed in this direction to impact people by helping shape them into the people God has called them to be. Lightning bolt moments come from cultivating a storm of electricity. It may appear that transformation happens in an instant, but there is always a foundational process that needs to be present for transformation to occur; and this is the heart of the value in spiritual mentoring.
Empowerment Toward the Purposes of God
The reason we seek transformation in Christ is because it empowers us as His followers. Christ gives us authority and power. It is the goal of the spiritual mentor to help the mentee walk in that authority and power. The heart of the spiritual mentor is to see the kingdom of God be furthered. They want to see the amount of impact they have grown through the people they are investing in. Jesus had the vision that His disciples would do greater works than He (John 14:12). There is a legacy formed through mentor relationships. One of the mentors who has spoken into my life consistently has told me that his ceiling is my floor, that where he has attained is where I am beginning. Those are empowering words — words that encourage, affirm, provide approval and create a vision that produces faith and hope.
• Investment: Intentional relationship leads to spiritual transformation, which leads to empowerment in God’s purposes. The concept of investing is that one will make a sacrifice early in the expectation that it later will yield great increase. This is an incredibly important concept for spiritual mentoring: In the heart of the process that mentoring takes is the idea that the mentor will invest resources into the mentee in expectation of high yields. Of the resources people possess, some of the most powerful are that of time, finances, wisdom and skill. These are instrumental in one’s ability to shape and mentor others.
The amount of time a mentee can spend with a mentor is vital to the effectiveness of a mentoring relationship. An intentional relationship spends time together. In fact, research shows that relationships are most effective when they meet for at least 12 months and 10 hours per month (Clark Powell, 2006, p. 113). Whether that is talking on the phone, hanging out or eating together, mentoring requires a willingness to be available to the mentor partner and a commitment to invest one’s time.
Financial blessing is something a mentor can offer a mentee. Whether buying lunch, spending the gas or providing the entertainment, making the sacrifice financially tells the mentee he or she has value. It empowers him or her due to the affirmation the mentee is receiving.
Everyone is an expert relative to someone else in one area or another. Wisdom and skill go hand in hand for mentoring purposes. The amazing aspect to this investment is that because of the shift that takes place between generations, the mentee has great opportunity to invest wisdom and skill of the younger generation into the mentor, as well as the mentor investing wisdom and skill into the mentee.
Life Experiences: The Good, the Bad and the Ugly
Effective mentoring will omit nothing. Part of the power of mentoring comes from the willingness to rejoice and weep with the person who needs to do either. Sometimes circumstances won’t be experienced together, but there will be common experiences in each person’s past, or the mentor will already have walked through something the mentee is walking through. This builds on an intentional relationship, because an intentional relationship purposefully experiences life together. Sharing life experience will build trust, create safety and support, offer guidance, show example and demonstrate wisdom, success, failure, grace and mercy.
Trust is not earned over night; it must be cultivated in the context of relationship. The more time invested and the more intentional the interaction, the easier it is to establish deep trust between mentor and mentee. As the trust grows, people feel increasingly safe around each other; and that breaks down barriers allowing intentional modeling and guidance into the mentorship. Having all of this in life experience opens up opportunity, and that is significant. This opportunity leaves room to fail or succeed, in which lies the wisdom to show grace and mercy. Experiencing life together is crucial in being able to walk and journey together.
Journey Together: Life is changing; it does not remain the same or stagnant. The ability to move through the journey of life with someone creates feelings of belonging, loyalty, equality and love. This generates a respect and openness between mentor and mentee that creates vulnerability. It starts with a presence in each other’s life but transitions into a withness where one is confident of a person’s allegiance even through days or months of separation. It is a powerful relationship that reaches this point. To invest the resources in an intentional relationship in which life is experienced together seeking spiritual transformation and empowerment in the purposes of God is a journey worth taking. That is the power and aim of spiritual mentoring.
Group: Trinity, Unity and Synergy: God is community, one in three and three in one. God has existed eternally in three Persons: Father, Son and Spirit. This is the Creator in whose image we are created (Gen. 1:27). We are called into a body with Christ as the Head (Eph. 5:23). It is not good for man to be alone (Gen. 2:18). Two are better than one (Ecc. 4:9). God promises to be with us (Ex. 33:14; Matt. 28:20; John 14:16). Jesus’ prayer is that we would all be one as His followers (John 17:21).
God did not create humanity to be mountains; rather He created people to climb mountains. So far, we have unpacked what “Spiritual Mentoring” entails, but only in brief. Even in this concise outline of what spiritual mentoring necessitates, the task appears daunting. Certainly there is an element of time needed to accomplish the task of spiritual mentoring, but another approach must be transmitted. This is one of group mentoring — a setting in which one individual gains wisdom from multiple voices and several different venues for getting input for living life. As Stanley and Clinton put it, “there aren’t enough ideal mentors who can do it all. But lots of people can fulfill one or more of the mentoring functions” (1992, p. 41). The principal at work here is synergy.
When people pool their resources together, new ideas and opportunities arise. We see this principal in nature. Birds that flock together in the shape of a V do not do it to look good. “By flying in V formation, the whole flock adds 71 percent greater flying range than if any bird were to fly alone” (Murphy, 2010). Farmers for years have utilized the fact that horses pulling together can pull more weight than adding together what they can pull individually. People who are looking for mentors to speak into their lives should not stop after they find one.
If more than one mentor is desired, it is no longer imperative to get everything encompassed in spiritual mentoring in one individual. The key, however, is to cover as much of the ideal mentor as possible and “double-dip” in some areas. The criteria that should be considered in this selection? Diversity is the key. One who is looking for multiple mentors should consider people from multiple generations and a variety of life experiences.
• Multi-generational: When using the term multi-generational, it means more than one generation is covered or spanned by the mentors. Multi-generational mentoring is a powerful tool for people seeking mentoring because it allows them to journey with people who have more experience than they do. Allen discusses three important concepts that give great significance to intergenerational learning. The first is that “for persons to learn concepts, they must experience them and socially negotiate their meaning in authentic, complex learning environments” (2005, p. 324). The second is that learning happens best when there is the ability to participate with more experienced people, and the third is that one is able to identify with the community of practice (Allen, 2005, p. 329). By seeking multi-generational mentoring, the mentee has the opportunity to do all three.
Every generation will have something to offer one seeking spiritual mentoring. Different generations have different perspectives based on the culture of their time. For instance, while in an Adolescent Culture class, I interviewed a man who did not grow up with running water or electricity. Because different generations have been impacted in a variety of ways by war, technology and influential people, they are given a variety of lenses through which to view circumstances and events that other generations do not have. When an intelligent person or leader is well-informed, he or she will make a good decision (D. Sanders, personal communication, July 23, 2010). Looking through one set of lenses does not inform a person as well as looking through several. In order to make the best decision possible, one needs to seek the most understanding from multiple perspectives; this is why spiritual mentoring should seek to incorporate multi-generational influences.
Simply saying multi-generational mentoring is positive is a good start, but which influences and specific generations should people seek for spiritual mentoring? The most obvious generation is that of one’s parents. However, grandparents, older siblings and every age in between can have great significance in spiritual mentoring, as well.
In a study done with sixth graders who attended AWANA, parental involvement in the spiritual guidance was key. Parents encourage their children to do well in the activities that they approve of, and they transport them to activities thereby being the reason they attend (Firmin, Kuhn, Michonski, 2005, p. 84). This is vital external motivation that builds internal motivation in time. In the same study, it is noted that older siblings, college students and peers also have a great influencing role in the lives of the sixth graders (Firmin et al., 2005, p. 85-86). This shows that setting up the interaction between these generations is one of the most important steps to having meaningful multi-generational mentoring. This reinforces the elements discussed earlier of having intentional relationship and investing in one another.
Grandparents comprise another generation that desires to have lasting influence on their grandchildren (Allen Oschwald, 2008, p. 350). For grandparents, the key areas they want to impact are that of work ethic and family identity. It also is evident they influence their grandchildren spiritually through “frequent prayers, their wonderful stories, their clear example, their quiet witness, their availability to share experiences of wonder, and their ability to lavish love, grace and mercy on grandchildren in deep need of such gifts” (Allen Oschwald, 2008, p. 350-351). Grandparents have great advantages for mentoring. They have had a plethora of life experience and typically are gaining free time in their schedules rather than becoming busier as many younger adults are. They have a desire to invest in intentional relationships, to shape and mold their grandchildren in a spirit of love, all being important elements discussed earlier in this paper.
Variety of Life Experience: Just as different generations offer a different lens and perspective in which to understand situations and circumstances, so will having a variety of people with large differences in the areas of expertise and leisure. A college professor and a military colonel typically will have fantastically differing stories. Likewise for a theologian and brewer. However, combine all of these and one might be approaching an “ideal mentor who can do it all” unless a task requires advice on roofing or electrical work.
As one is searching for quality mentors, one should ideally be looking for different aged mentors with a variety of life experiences. There should be some interests in common between mentee and mentor. Jesus is a great start, but recreational activities or vocational pursuits that are similar add even more.
Although strategy in this area is not necessarily vital, it may be of assistance to being well-rounded in an individual’s multiple mentors. That is why some resources suggest several mentors varying from more to less deliberate. As a constellation of mentors is formed, several types of people will emerge. The seven that are shared by Stanley and Clinton (from most deliberate to least) are discipler, spiritual guide, coach, counselor, teacher, sponsor and model (1992, 41). One critique of these is that all of them do not necessarily have a spiritual focus. If the goal is to seek out spiritual mentoring, make sure the spiritual focus is in place above all other elements. Remember that spiritual transformation into empowerment toward the purposes of God is the key; without spiritual focus the aim and pursuit are lost.
An ideal philosophy I would suggest is one with three to six spiritual mentors who are all passionate about growing themselves, as well as seeing their mentee grow. Because of the uniqueness of each individual, the flavor of intentionality, investment, life experience and journey will be different but compound exponentially in terms of spiritual growth and empowerment for the mentee.
Implication: Because spiritual mentoring gains value by having multiple mentors of different ages and life experiences, implications can be drawn for several core areas of the church, to the individual seeking to be involved in spiritual mentoring as the mentor or mentee and to the ministry which incorporates mentoring principals.
For the individual seeking spiritual mentoring, they do not need to be consumed with the burden of picking the “correct” person to mentor them. They can seek a mentoring relationship with multiple people they admire. An older relative, a senior co-worker, an older friend all would be acceptable rather than only choosing one mentor.
For an individual choosing to mentor someone, they won’t need to fear beating out a more qualified mentor or fear another mentor taking a coveted spot as an influential guide. They also will not have to carry the burden of being the only spiritual influence for an individual. They are able to give what they honestly can sacrifice and allow other mentors to satisfy the other areas in an individual’s life they are unable to meet.
The implications for a ministry that utilizes the principals of mentoring are that it will vastly change who they invite to take part in their ministry. Parents, grandparents, older siblings, single men and women, newlyweds, coaches, teachers, business executives, prodigal sons, stay-at-home moms — diversity is not negative when it comes to having youth workers. “One of everything” isn’t a necessity, and this concept doesn’t trump the requirement of having a thorough interview process to let someone work in a ministry; but it does create positive options for a ministry to expand its vision of capable mentors.
Conclusion: Viewing spiritual mentoring as an intentional relationship, spiritually focused and in which one individual is empowered toward the purposes of God through the investment and life experiences of another as they journey together makes it easy to see how quality support adds value. It is also relieving to see that having a group consisting of multi-generational mentors who have a variety of life experiences adds even more value to spiritual mentoring. Taking this information and applying it to the individuals involved in mentoring, as well as the ministries utilizing mentoring principals is the logical next step.
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