Matt and Amy pause—often—when they tell the story of unsuccessfully managing their daughter Kayla’s depression. After years of exasperation, Matt finally walked into Kayla’s room holding a suitcase. They both broke down crying.
When Matt left his daughter at the treatment center, Kayla didn’t look back to say goodbye. She suffered from several emotional and behavioral problems. Her life had gone dark, and she was convinced it never would get any better. People who suffer from depression often share her pessimism.
Diagnosing Teen Depression
While depression in young people doesn’t manifest itself any differently than depression in adults, adolescent depression is often more difficult to diagnose because the signs of depression—mood swings, irritability, anxiety, insecurity—are often the daily emotional experience of many teens.
Counselors across the board, however, agree that when significant changes in otherwise normal behavior occur—the straight A student starts complaining about academic probation, the raging extravert abnormally withdraws, the quiet but consistent back-rower stops showing up—it’s a key indicator that depression could be a culprit.
Before jumping to any conclusions, it’s important to note that periods of sadness or withdrawal are normal, especially if surrounded by difficult circumstances: a loss of relationship, a move to a new school, a failure to make a team or parents’ divorce can trigger temporary bouts of depression that can last anywhere from a few hours to a few weeks.
These bouts, known as reactive depression, are the most common and least serious form of depression and can be a healthy way of processing life that brings inevitable disappointment. Trying to rush a young person through or casually suggest he or she get over it can be damaging. Most often, a little extra investment and some wise counsel will go a long way in getting to the other side.
Other forms of depression, more commonly known as clinical depression, including major depression (a deep and serious depression that on average lasts seven to nine months), dysthymic disorder (a low level chronic depression that can last up to four years) and bipolar disorder (also known as manic depression and characterized by dramatic mood and energy swings) are serious illnesses and should be treated as such.
One question you can ask yourself when initially assessing depression is this: Is this an appropriate reaction given the circumstance? If the answer seems to be a resounding no, then it might be time to seek some wise counsel yourself.
Sorrows Rooted in Childhood Experiences
In his book When Life Goes Dark, Dr. Richard Winter unpacks rooted sorrows of depression that often stem from early childhood experiences. While no one can change these experiences, being aware of these root causes (and knowing a young person’s story) can go a long way in reducing one’s vulnerability to depression.
“We are made to find security and significance in relationships, creativity and work,” says Winter. “Anything that undermines this leaves us vulnerable.”
Anything can range from severe circumstances such as physical and sexual abuse to the loss of a parent to engrained patterns of perfectionism to low socio-economic status. Whatever the cause, a damaged sense of value is often at the core of those most prone to depression. (See Winter’s article on rooted sorrows below.)
The Search for Significance
Beloved. Forgiven. Redeemed. Daughter. Son. Co-Heir. Child of the King.
These familiar phrases reinforce the idea that as followers of Jesus, our identity is rooted in Christ; but for young people trying to navigate the unique challenges of adolescence—peer pressure, relationship woes, bullying, changes in body type, ever-increasing academic and extra-curricular loads—being secure in who they are is a tall order.
Tack on some of the more epidemic issues teens face today—divorce, sexual abuse, alcohol or drug abuse, family dysfunction, homosexuality, pornography—and it’s not surprising that according to the National Mental Health Institute, as many as one in eight teens are diagnosed with clinical depression.
Winter unpacks what therapists refer to as mind maps or automatic thought patterns that children inherit at an early age. Childhood experiences shape and mold our brain pathways to create a sort of mental tape that tells us who we are; so when teens with twisted thought patterns encounter the highs and lows of adolescence, they can come to unhealthy conclusions about their self-worth.
Winter says their thought patterns, especially when facing adversity, can sound like this: “I have to be perfect to be loved by my parents. God will only love me if I never mess up. My value as a person depends on what others think of me. To be happy, I must be accepted by all people, at all times.”
Silence and Shame
One of the more alarming statistics about depression is not that it exists (depression is treatable) but the lack of teens who share their struggle with a trusted adult. Statistics show that among adolescents struggling with emotional and behavioral problems, a mere 30 percent receive any sort of intervention or treatment. The other 70 percent simply struggle through the pain of mental illness or emotional turmoil, doing their best to make it to adulthood (except depression doesn’t magically go away once we cross a certain numerical threshold.)
There are several reasons young people may remain silent. First, because the human brain doesn’t stop growing until the mid-20s, the emotional maturity to deal with troubled thoughts or feelings or the verbal skills to articulate them doesn’t yet exist. Instead of talking, many teens withdraw, making it difficult for adults to identify what’s really going on.
Second, in a culture that esteems strength, individuality and achievement, admitting depression is deemed weakness. Rather than confiding in someone, young people harbor feelings of failure, self-loathing, loneliness and shame, which often make the depression worse. Also, because girls are naturally more verbal, mature earlier and don’t have the same pressure to maintain a strong image as boys do, depression among young men especially can go undetected.
How We Can Help
“A solid, loving family will reduce the vulnerability to depression and the presence of a good extended family and church family is added protection,” says Winter. “Having a good youth group and especially a leader who can come alongside and listen well is a huge help.”
As for reinforcing positive thought patterns, Winter says, “A good parent constantly is helping a child to name emotions and gradually learn to respond in healthy and socially acceptable ways. The presence of an adult who is attuned to the child or teenager’s emotions and can help them recognize and make sense of and name emotions and then identify wrong beliefs (lies) about themselves or other people or God is incredibly healing.”
Above all, says Winter, practice grace.
“To quote Bono, ‘Grace makes beauty out of broken things.’ So a parent or youth worker who can show grace—accepting the worst hanging out—and help teens accept the reality of boundaries and the need for discipline is one who helps reduce vulnerability to depression. Then to connect this grace with the way God loves us and accepts us—connecting their story with God’s story—will help to give a more solid basis for security and meaning.”
