“My son said a lot of guys at youth group have some of the worst language he hears, even from the high schoolers. He’s pretty good at keeping his language clean but is beginning to pick up some of the language. I know you can’t monitor and regulate all the kids’ speech all the time, but is this issue ever addressed?”

That was a recent e-mail I received. A month later, unsolicited, one of my leaders came up to me: “Syler, I don’t know what to do about the guys in my small group. It’s Eff this, and Eff that. I don’t know what to say without sounding like a nag.

I know profanity hasn’t necessarily gotten better or worse over the years, but for whatever reason, the Potty Mouths had invaded our ministry. It was time to address the problem, but how?

The Good News
First, in a way, this is good news. If students feel comfortable enough to swear around you, it may mean they don’t see you as stuffy. If so, you can feel proud for hurdling that barrier. It also might mean you’re attracting students who didn’t grow up in the church and weren’t conditioned early on to use better language. More kudos for reaching the kids outside the church.

The Bad News
If you ignore the language, you have the potential to alienate the students for whom foul language is an offense. If you come on too strong, you’re liable to alienate the offenders. You want to avoid creating an environment in which students are trained to clean up their language while around the church, but all bets are off once they leave the parking lot. The Pharisees got really good at that, and Jesus’ harshest admonitions were against them. So what to do?

The Strategy
I was one of those Potty Mouths when I was a high-school student, and looking back I realize it was more an issue of immaturity than outright rebellion. With that in mind, and with great advice from some key leaders, I decided to give a talk about the power of words in general rather than about swearing in particular.

James 3 provided me a perfect jumping-off point for a discussion about what words can do: They can tear down, and they can build up. What do you want to do with your words?

I moved on to Matthew 12 and Jesus’ wisdom that “out of the overflow of the heart, the mouth speaks.” So that if there is anger and venom coming out of your mouth, that’s a heart issue that needs to be addressed rather than just a behavioral issue.

Then I got around to youth-group favorite Ephesians 4:29: “Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths.” I also mentioned we shouldn’t crucify someone when they stumble in this area.

The Feedback
By addressing the weight words can carry and the way words reflect our hearts and minds, students gained new motivation to consider their language. Many students told me they never had thought about this before. It was a whole new way to view language, and they were grateful for the perspective. They also heard a lesson about grace. Potty Mouths need it, and we need it. We shouldn’t run people out because of their language, but we can gently challenge them.