Recently, a man I know—a professing Christian, active in ministry—went away to prison for a long, long time. He was found guilty of more than two-dozen counts related to the sexual molestation and abuse of young girls.
My head is spinning. As I’ve tried to get my mind around his actions, their causes, and their ramifications, one thing has become very, very clear: The rocks he threw in the pond have made ripples that will spread far and wide for a long, long time. His choices and actions have ruined relationships, families and individual lives. The reality is that while God’s mercy can result in incremental healing for those who have been victimized by this man either directly or indirectly, every one of them will spend their entire lives—until the day they die—in a boat that rocks on those ripples.
Child sexual abuse is at epidemic proportions. Some experts project that by the time teens reach the age of 16, one out of every three girls and one out of every five boys will have been sexually abused.
If you’re tempted to think this is the kind of stuff that only happens “out there,” think again. Christianity Today magazine recently reported that in the course of the last three years, an average of 23 new articles each day have appeared in secular media sources revealing sexual abuse allegations in Protestant churches in the United States.
It is estimated that there are now 60 million survivors of childhood sexual abuse living in America today. The sexual that steals a survivor’s innocence leaves lots of other junk in the hole once occupied by innocence.
Survivors spend a lifetime struggling with a variety of resultant problems including fear, anxiety, nightmares, sleeplessness, depression, anger, hostility, inappropriate sexual behavior, an inability to love or be loved, poor self-esteem, a tendency toward substance abuse and difficulty with close relationships. It’s likely they will withdraw from friends and family, have difficulty trusting adults, see their bodies as dirty or damaged, refuse to go to school, become secretive or engage in delinquent behavior. Some will go so far as to become unusually aggressive, or even become sexual deviants themselves. Sadly, many become suicidal.
The Reality
Several months ago this was driven home to me when I had a heartbreaking conversation with a high-school student I had just met. He heard me speak about pornography and the role it was playing in teenagers’ lives. Because he was struggling with a pornography addiction, he wanted to talk.
When he was 2, his mother hired a speech therapist to help him with his severe speech impediment. The speech therapist met with him at his house, up in his room—with the door closed. He told me he remembers the therapist helping him off with his clothes. Then the therapist took his own clothes off and proceeded to molest him sexually. This went on for years. He never told anyone. As an innocent and vulnerable child with no reference point, he told me, “I thought this was what all kids did.”
Because sexual abuse runs rampant—in the world and the church—each of us must understand and address this ugly reality. On the day the man I know was sentenced, some questions kept running through my mind. What prompted him to do what he did? What will become of those kids he abused? Who will they become as adults? I have another question for all who work with youth: What can we do to prevent this type of thing from happening in the lives of the kids with whom we work? Here are some suggestions:
Don’t Ignore It
First, talk about it, over and over again. Educate your church in the reality and pervasiveness of childhood sexual abuse. Not only does this open the door to recognize that sexual abuse is very real, but it will fuel a “what should we do about it?” mentality. In addition, talking about it with your kids creates an environment in which they more readily will recognize it as sinful and immoral behavior. Consequently, those who have been victimized will be more prone to come out of the shadows of secrecy and seek help.
Second, establish protective policies in your church and youth group. Provide training that will reduce the risk of making it easy to put kids into the hands of sexual predators. Screen your volunteers. Require interviews and background checks. Implement oversight and accountability standards.
Third, develop a redemptive plan to be implimented when sexual abuse is discovered. Employ highly trained and competent counselors to work with the victims and the perpetrator. Inform law enforcement officials immediately. Your role is to respond to the realities and get the ball rolling on the long, long process of dealing redemptively and responsibly with these very serious matters. (Harvest USA, a ministry dealing with sexual sin and brokenness can help, http://www.harvestusa.org.)
Fourth, focus on the victim. Believe it or not, they often are forgotten. There are even situations in which innocent young victims are blamed. The church must go out of its way to affirm young victims. Not only does this promote the process of healing for the victim, but it fosters a climate in which other victims may see the church as a safe place.
Realize young sexual abuse victims need you to walk with them every step of the way—and that journey begins the moment they reveal their abuse. Being victimized by sexual abuse is a monumental faith-rattler. How we choose to respond—or not respond—to young victims will shape their concept of God, their relationship to the church and their faith for the rest of their lives.
Guard Yourself
Finally, always tend to yourself while never letting down your guard. Over the course of the last few months our local papers not only have reported about the man I know, but they’ve run stories on three separate high-school teachers who have been arrested for having sex with minors.
Our temptation is to point the finger and shake our heads in pious disapproval, all while denying we’d ever think or do such a thing. Don’t buy the lie. We are sinful and fallen human beings.
Kids look up to us in youth ministry, which can feel pretty good. Kids trust us. They are attracted to us. If we aren’t careful each of us easily could cross the line into anything from inappropriate emotional involvement to sexual abuse. Guard the good gift of your sexuality. Surround yourself with accountability partners. Set boundaries and maintain them. Don’t take advantage of vulnerable young people in any way, shape or form. If you’re struggling, step away and get help. Paul wasn’t joking when he said, “Flee from sexual immorality” (
