Being a teenage girl today is tough. Every day, girls encounter a multitude of conflicting messages about their identity, sexuality and worth that they struggle to process. In the midst of this chaos, youth ministries can provide a safe haven for girls to discover who they are and experience genuine love and community. In order to equip youth workers to accomplish this, we talked with four experts in ministry to girls.

Ginny Olson is co-director of North Park University’s Center for Youth Ministry Studies. She is a youth ministry professor and author of Teenage Girls: Exploring Issues Adolescent Girls Face and Strategies to Help Them (Youth Specialties/Zondervan).

Christina DiMari’s passion is to help young women find wholeness in their lives so they can impact others positively. To help do this, she created You’re Designed to Shine—a six-week curriculum for girls (Group Publishing).

Crystal Kirgiss has worked with teenagers for more than 20 years. She is a professor at Purdue University, a frequent speaker at conferences, the author of What’s Up with Boys? and the co-author of Guys and Girls (Youth Specialties/Zondervan).

Megan Hutchinson is a veteran youth pastor and co-author of Life Hurts, God Heals (Simply Youth Ministry/Group Publishing). Well-versed in the issues confronting teenage girls, Megan’s desire is to help girls find healing.

YouthWorker Journal: How is ministering to girls different than ministering to guys, and what should youth workers do about it?

Christina DiMari: Guys like to learn while they are doing something. The more you incorporate activities with their lessons, the more they will absorb what you are trying to teach them. Girls like to learn while being relational with each other. The more you break into small groups to talk, the more they will absorb what you are passing on.

Crystal Kirgiss: Guys tend to mature more slowly. Girls tend to relate through conversation, and guys tend to relate through activity. Guys are more likely to take risks and be competitive. Girls tend to be more intuitive and socially aware.

Megan Hutchinson: Guys and girls are alike in what they’re looking for—belonging, love, figuring out who they are and who they are created to be. While both long to be accepted and loved, girls primarily do this through touch, communication and time. For guys, it can be through activity. Guys have a physical need for play that girls are less likely to have.

YWJ: What does an effective girls ministry look like?

Ginny Olson: An effective girls ministry is holistic. It’s not just dealing with a girl’s relationship with Jesus. It’s also dealing with body images and how to develop your brain. I’m seeing more retreats that deal with the spiritual component but also teach self-defense and how to change a flat tire. Effective girls’ ministries help girls deal with their emotions by giving them opportunities to process them in the presence of a trusted adult and help them put labels on them—“This is what I’m feeling, and this is why I’m feeling it.”

Christina: The kind of love that breaks down walls of prejudice, jealousy, envy, back-biting and meangirl-drama is present. When girls begin truly to experience the love of Christ, they change from the inside out, and it causes a contagious ripple effect.

Crystal: It would be inviting to all girls, and it would have a multi-generational leadership team—young women, middle aged women, mature older women.

YWJ: What do you think the biggest issues facing girls today are?

Ginny: The hyper-sexualization of our culture, which has reached our younger girls. I saw a pair of underpants for girls in second or third grade that had a rhinestone Playboy bunny on it. This is communicating that you have to be overtly sexual in order to have worth. Girls don’t know how to handle that emotionally, mentally or physically. Girls also are receiving confusing messages about their sexual identity. More girls are getting involved in same gender attraction. Self-injury is on the rise. To deal with these things, address them openly. Say, “We’re going to talk about and analyze our culture. We’re going to teach you how to look at an ad and decide what message it’s trying to tell you.”

Christina: The biggest issue facing girls today is the pressure to be more than they are. This produces girls who look put together on the outside but are crumbling on the inside. This pressure is coming from parents, teachers and society. This is manifesting itself in a variety of ways: eating disorders, cutting, jealousy, etc. The key to reaching girls is to encourage them to be real about what is occurring on the inside. Teach them about their true identity in Christ so their self-image and goals come from who Christ says they are. This will set them free like no other teaching can.

YWJ: How can youth workers help develop leadership skills in girls—especially those who are in churches that may not affirm a female’s calling to ministry?

Ginny: Some of our girls have very strong gifts of preaching and teaching, and we need to give them opportunities to do that in a visible setting. Let them lead projects within the ministry. If the youth pastor is male, he needs to make sure there are some strong women as volunteers and that he doesn’t just focus on the boys.

Megan: Sadly, most churches don’t affirm a girl’s potential to be a new and upcoming pastor. There’s a lack of female role models out there for young girls to emulate. One of the things I love about my boss is that he’s always affirmed my position and giftedness in front of others. If it weren’t for male youth pastors affirming my giftedness and saying, “You could do this,” I would not be a youth pastor today.

YWJ: Do you think youth workers should separate girls and boys by gender for some activities, teaching or small groups? Why?

Christina: I’m into girls and guys being together for worship and group activities, then separating for small groups where they can discuss the deeper stuff. Girls will be more comfortable chatting with girls, and guys tend to share more with other guys. It’s also important to create times when girls and guys share together.

Crystal: Absolutely! First, there are some topics that are best discussed alone. Second, because interests and learning styles are different, activities can be catered to each sex. Third, we all know how much sexual tension and attraction there is during junior and senior high for some kids. Removing that distraction can make ministry easier.

YWJ: What advice do you have for male youth workers as they minister to girls?

Ginny: Male youth pastors need to be aware of their emotional boundaries. They need to make sure they are not depending on a young girl to give them emotional encouragement. They need to ask themselves, “Am I looking forward to this meeting with the student too much? Am I looking for her to meet inappropriate needs?” They need to have people hold them accountable. Make sure you are always meeting in a place with a door that has a window in it or in places where people constantly are around.

Crystal: Male youth workers need to be very aware of how easy it is for some girls to become emotionally attached to their leaders. A girl may fall in love with her male leader because he might be the first man who has paid attention to her, listened to her and cared about her.

Megan: Don’t be threatened by a girl’s strength. If you are, find out what that’s about for you. Pour belief and encouragement into a young girl’s life. Prayerfully consider how you currently are modeling female leadership within your ministry, and make sure your model is one of equality. Males and females are gifted and have incredible potential to be used by God.

YWJ: What role do you think athletics play in the lives of girls?

Ginny: Girls who are involved in athletics are less likely to be involved in risky behaviors because their energy is being funneled into something positive. Their confidence is being developed because they’re learning leadership skills and what it means to be part of a team. In youth ministries, be aware we usually have different ages and genders playing games together. Ask, “How do we do this to make sure no one feels embarrassed?” If students make a mistake in a game, help them understand it does not reflect their self-worth.

YWJ: What changes are coming to the world of girls?

Ginny: With the rise of technology, girls are able to access information earlier. It used to be they would go to college and learn about sexuality. Now that’s taking place in forth and fifth grade. Young girls are taking pictures of their bodies and sending them to guys on their cell phones and asking, “What do you think?” These girls are getting hit with the message that if you’re going to be popular, you need to promote the sexual side of your being, but they’re not sure how to handle the consequences. So many parents don’t want to believe their kids who are doing this stuff, so you have to convince them, “These are OUR kids. These are not some other kids elsewhere.” Help parents understand the importance of talking with their kids about these issues proactively.

Megan: There’s been an enormous shift in our culture. There used to be male heroes; now there are female heroes. That’s a great thing for girls to see. It gives them the message, “We can save the world. We can be role models.”

YWJ: Final thoughts?

Ginny: One of the major issues facing girls is this whole sexual identity issue and same gender attractions. The church has gotten stuck talking about this theologically. What we really need to be dealing with is, “How does this issue impact our kids, and how are we going to address this?” We’ve got to expand this conversation. It’s not helpful for a girl struggling with this to know that it’s sin. Instead, we need to talk with them about what God says about their identity and who they are.

Megan: Girls today need a heroine. They need someone to follow. Youth workers have the potential to be that heroine. It’s an awesome privilege and honor to wave the flag of belief for someone.