Truth: I prayed almost every Wednesday that he wouldn’t come to youth group that night. I know that is a pretty lame thing for a youth pastor to think and feel, but I thought I’d start this article out being really honest.

I just couldn’t handle him and this group of ninth grade boys. There were about 10 of them who came regularly; and my other small group leader, Kevin, and I just didn’t know how to manage them. This was especially true the nights Preston was there. Every time we tried to talk about Jesus or get them to open up about their lives, he would contribute to things going downhill. He wasn’t a bad kid. In fact, I really liked him; but the small group just didn’t work for him his freshman year, so I dreaded him coming. We pretty much would wrestle for 50 minutes and try to give them Jesus for the last 10 minutes of the hour we had together. I was discouraged because it didn’t feel that it was enough.

That was 11 years ago. A lot has changed.

Last year, I officiated at Preston’s wedding. As I started to share about journeys, faith and how proud I was of him, I started to cry and almost couldn’t stop. I was completely overwhelmed at that moment thinking about how amazing this kid had become. I don’t know if it’s fair to say he turned his life around, because he was on this amazing trajectory from the beginning; although, I couldn’t always see it. God grabbed hold of him in spite of my prayers and turned him into an amazing Christian man.

Most of the guys who were in that small group attended the wedding. Surprisingly, almost all of them are very committed believers. Most of them have deep faith and are very involved in their churches.

If you had asked me 10 years ago, I probably would have written off a number of these guys. I didn’t have a lot of hope in them and their continued faith. They were wrestling with some pretty tough issues, and I wasn’t sure if their faith would be deep enough to handle life.

Truth: It was probably my own immaturity and sinfulness that didn’t believe God would do something with them.

However, there are some things I have done that I think were particularly helpful with this group. First, I was consistent with them when they were in my group. I led that group with one other leader for four years. We met every Wednesday night, and I generally was prepared to teach a lesson. Second, I have been consistent with them since they graduated. Every time I’m on the West Coast, I figure out a way to hang out with them at some point. I’ve done two weddings for members of that group; I text, call or message them at least once a month. Third, I always have asked them hard questions and consistently followed up with them about their responses (notice a theme). Fourth, I have shared my life with them as Paul teaches us to do in Thessalonians. I didn’t just teach them—I engaged them in my whole life. They have watched my kids grow up. They saw me leave the church in a great healthy way. They’ve helped wrestle with my decision to move to Texas and stay here.

I did some things that worked, so I thought I’d give a few of them a chance to share about their faith and why it stuck with them for the past 10 years of their lives. They are all in their middle 20s now and are past the age that most statisticians say they should have walked away from their faith and the church. They haven’t, though, and I think it might encourage us all to hear why. I asked four of them a few questions and allowed them to speak for themselves.

 Nick: Army Officer
What made your faith continue to grow after High School?
Getting involved in a church was the big thing. Getting involved in gospel community under regular teaching of the Bible. I didn’t do that in college at all, and it wasn’t a good time for me spiritually.

What things during your teenage years contributed to your faith being a big deal for you now?
I think having a passionate love for the Lord in high school helped me be aware that when I wasn’t walking faithfully, I was missing out on something essential that made me desire to get back to that place.

What things did your church, youth pastor or youth group do that hurt your faith?
I think it would have been helpful if a greater effort was made to define sin clearly and regularly to help cut through the exceptions and excuses that I made up in my mind for my own sin. Also, my college Bible study was not what I needed at the time. It was far too intellectual and regimented than what I was familiar with, and it felt inorganic.

What is one thing you wish new youth workers knew as they start out with a group of ninth grade boys?
Don’t underestimate the depth of sin that a ninth grade boy has been a part of. The world and culture pervade their lives; and the opportunities for them to partake in significant sins, particularly sexual sins, are many. Don’t skirt those issues—attack them.

  Jordan: Writer and EMT
What made your faith continue to grow after high school?
My faith continued to grow after high school primarily by my own will. It was difficult to get spiritual support when many of my friends turned away from God, and the college atmosphere does not offer a real community to encourage your faith. However, I feel it was my own desire to continue to live out what I believed at my core due to my past experiences.

What things during your teenage years contributed to your faith being a big deal for you now?
The most influential event of my life and faith was a missions project to Fiji. Serving and experiencing God in a new way made my faith real in a whole new way that has stuck with me.

What things did your church, youth pastor or youth group do that hurt your faith?
At my church, there was a high turnover rate in our youth pastors. Having a different individual building relationships and leading almost every year made it difficult to latch on to a spiritual leader.

How did you family impact your faith?
My family impacted my faith in the most ideal way. They stepped back and tried not to influence me overtly. They gave me the space to experience my own journey of faith, all while setting an excellent example and not trying to prove anything or be preachy.

What is one thing you wish new youth workers knew as they start out with a group of ninth grade boys?
I now run a small group of ninth grade boys, and I think consistency is likely the most important aspect. Also, I can tell how much they appreciate being able to talk with me about anything.

 Kyle: Sound Engineer
What made your faith continue to grow after high school?
Relationships with my high school leaders…especially my high school leader.

What things during your teenage years contributed to your faith being a big deal for you now?
Getting involved in a high school church group made a huge impact on me. The missions trips I went on really helped me see God working all over the world. The love and faithfulness of the staff and volunteers was very important, as well. Having people who loved me and wanted the best for me was huge!

What things did your church, youth pastor or youth group do that hurt your faith?
I don’t think there was anything that hurt my faith when I was a part of the high school group; but speaking for my younger brother and sister, I would say that lack of consistency probably hurt the group—so many changes in a short period of time.

How did your family impact your faith?
My family impacted my faith in a huge way. The support they gave (not just financially) for all the trips and things I wanted to do with the church group made it possible for me to experience the Lord in so many ways. Having and experiencing love at home was important, too.

What is one thing you wish new youth workers knew as they start out with a group of ninth grade boys?
Ninth grade guys are crazy. Their attention span is short, and they love goofing off. That being said, continued time with them and just loving them makes more of an impact than you’d ever know. Having that my four years of high school, especially in my small group, helped lead me to where I am today. We will eventually settle down.

 Preston: Teachers Aid and EMT
Why are you still walking with the Lord?
Since I accepted Jesus as my Lord and Savior, I made staying connected to the church and the community of other Christian believers a main priority in my life. Staying connected to a genuine community was such a big part of it. I knew I had to be proactive and seek out groups to get plugged into because my family was not supportive of my faith and spiritual growth wasn’t possible through my parents.

What made your faith continue to grow after high school?
By joining a college ministry, I was able to stay connected in the church and found new friends to help encourage me to keep pressing into the Lord. I also had a group of close friends from high school who kept me accountable to my faith more than anything else. By surrounding myself with people who were able to encourage me, I was able to persevere through some tough situations during my college years.

What things during your teenage years contributed to your faith being a big deal for you now?
At that point in time, my faith was the only real thing I could hold onto. Building significant relationships with my pastors, other students in high school and college was a big deal for me. The development of those relationships kept me plugged into the church and have brought me where I am today. That is a big deal.

What things did you church, youth pastor or youth group do that hurt your faith?
Failing to keep prayer as an integral part of the ministry–if a student cannot learn the importance of prayer and the discipline of it, he or she will not be successful in growing his or her faith alone. Having a personal relationship with God starts with talking to Him in heart, mind and soul.

How did your family impact your faith?
My family tested my faith and made it hard for me to be comfortable about it at home. It was hard to grow at home, and I felt vulnerable because I was so fresh in my faith. My parents did not support me going on mission trips in college and constantly found fault in my faith. The communities I was plugged into became my spiritual family. They picked me up and helped nurture the best qualities in me.

What is one thing you wish new youth workers new as they start out with a group of ninth grade boys?
Building relationships is so key. They may not be able to force the gospel down ninth graders’ throats, but they can love on them; that speaks leagues more than any one Bible study. Start by building a relationship with a student and through leading by example and lots of prayer (Your prayer worked, Lars.), youth workers will have a solid foundation from which to share the gospel.